DD bought Mulberry copy - what to do?

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  1. I would really & truly appreciate your opinion, ladies! How did/do/will you deal with a teenager-to-be for bag problems??

    Background
    DD – 12yrs old, Boarding at girls school by her own choice. Living with 12-18yrs old girls, she is more aware of fashion inevitably. DD has some Abercrombie cloths, Uggs, brand bags etc. but not many.

    Recent repeated conversation going round;
    **so and so has five Juicy bags, why can’t I have more? - You have to wait for your B’day/Xmas or spend your own pocket money. – But they are very expensive. – Exactly! – Then why Mummy has so many bags? – Well, I’m an adult, using my own money. – (sulk)
    **so and so’s mummy buys Fake bags for her. Why can’t I have Fakes? - It’s illegal and Mummy is absolutely against it, you are not allowed to buy fakes with your pocket money either. – (sulk)
    **so and so is borrowing her mum’s designer bags all the time. Why can’t I take some of your bags to school? – I don’t want them to be left in your dorm and you are too young anyway. Just enjoy some non-brand ordinary bags. – (sulk)

    And just 2hours ago, DD sent me a photo via mobile of her new cheap & cheerful bag – guess what, it is a copy of Mulberry Knightsbridge (no brass marks). Though I may not know every single designer bag, I feel strongly about LV & Mulberry. I used to have Roxy so DD knows it’s not Roxy copy, thought it’s “unique with lovely heart shaped details”. I haven’t replied yet, just quietly fuming.

    Now the question – I’m feeling I have said enough ‘NO’ to her, but;
    1. Should I explain it is still a copy but let her keep it - or just keep quiet – or order her to bin it? (DH sent me e-mail saying it’s my DNA’s fault) :cursing:
    2. Did I go wrong on any of the conversation above?
    3. And ultimately, how old is old enough to borrow/be given my bags if ever (apart from the special occasion) – 16? 18?

    Many thanks for listening my long grumble…back to work for now.
     
  2. Oh heck, that is a tough one and I don't have an answer - DD is just about 1 y.o. so definitely no life experience on this one, but I'd be curious to see what others say about it.

    Does she generally listen to reason or is she more concerned about fashion regardless of ethical matters?
     
  3. Oh dear, I'm so so glad I don't have kids! Therefore I can't help you. Just know that I would be so mad.
     
  4. #4 Jan 15, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2009
    oh dear. i have 3 boys so unlikely to ever encounter this. What my Mum used to do with me was explain reasonably what she would do (ie why she wouldn't buy a fake bag) but ultimately say it was my decision what i spend my money on.(usually her reasonable approach and good reasoning would 'guilt' me into doing the 'right' thing) You could say if she really want a genuine XXXXX then if she saves up a little then you will make up the difference and get it for her birthday or xmas?
    I think you should respect her decision to spend her money on tat if that's what she wants. I would not lend her your bags and i wouldn't order her to bin it.(she'll learn from her own mistakes when it falls to bits!)
     
  5. We sort of had a similar problem: I'd just bought an authentic Fendi Spy when my sister (who was 18 then) bought a fake at a market in Italy. My mother (who adored my bag) was appaled and told her she shouldn't have bought it. But she just replied she liked the style and didn't care that it was fake. There really was nothing we could do. But the problem solved itself: the bag fell apart after a few months (the front flap fell off and the hardware discoloured pretty badly). My sister is now saving up for her first LV...
     
  6. #6 Jan 15, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 15, 2009
    Do you think she *knows* it's a Mulberry knock-off? If yes, then I'd have a problem with that because then that is an intentional choice to go against your previous discussion about fakes. I have two pre-teen daughters and I get the most pissed when they BLATANTLY defy me.

    HOWEVER, if she does not know the Mulberry brand as well and has no idea that it is a knock-off...I'd let her go. I am not sure what I'd do at that point (take it off her, explain and hope she'd get rid of it on her own, let her keep it...)...but I would not go off on her like I would if it was a DIRECT and blatant attempt to go against my direction to her.

    I don't know...I feel your pain. Pre-teen daughters are HARD.


    EDITED TO ADD: We are pretty strict about things here. My husband has a HUGE problem with lying and being defiant. So things are pretty structured (at least we *try*)....
     
  7. Although I have two boys I also have a darling niece(12) who is my daughter substitute so have a fair idea of what you are going through. Boo ( my niece) is very style conscious and acutely aware of the must-have brands that her peers crave and in some cases own. Boo's Mum has had many similar conversations and reacted in a similar way , because you are a lover of designer bags it is almost like your daughter is picking your weak spot - something all teenagers do !
    It may help you to distance yourself from the bag issue and pretend it is for something else eg a coat - are your feelings as strong?
    I think the conversations you have had with DD are fair and as long as you are consistent you can't go far wrong.
    I am also acutely aware as a beloved aunt I don't see the tantrums and bad side that her Mum has to deal with. Boo has had many arguments over clothes and shoes etc and in some case refused to go to school at all because she wasn't wearing the right coat. My advantage is that I am removed from this and can advise her when she has calmed down , do you have a sister or close friend that can do a similar thing for you - it is almost like a mediation service but it lets her feel that she is being treated like an adult and can often figure out a solution on her own.
    One thing you could do to reinforce the mother/daughter bond is to go shopping together and let her borrow one of your bags for the day. This way you are saying I trust you enough to take care of it you can then maybe broach the subject of why you would rather she didn't take it to school and discuss what may happen - things that are out of her control . The main idea is to instil your daughter with the sense that you trust her but you can't trust the other people she lives with. Visit your favorite shops and introduce her to the real thing , maybe even buy her a small gift like a keyring or purse ( depending on your budget) Talk about your wish list and how you plan to save up or whatever method you use to finance your bags.
    I think the fake is a something she is testing you with and wants a reaction from you , treat her as an adult ( within reason ) but stick to your guns and say that you don't like fakes because ( state your reasons ) it may be useful to point out that most fakes are made by children in sweat shops and appeal to her political side. Often children need information to stand up to their peers - how cool will she feel if she tells her friends that fakes are exploiting children and that she would rather save up/ wait for a genuine bag.
    Another option is to let her have one of your bags that you were perhaps going to sell and explain this to her - I know how much you want a designer bag and how important it is to you - I would rather give one to you from my collection than for you to buy a fake.
    Of course when the fake falls about - which it will - this will also give her a valuable lesson.

    Hope I don't sound like I am preaching , but hope you find something useful - you know your daughter best and what she may respond to - don't be scared to try something new though . Good Luck !
     
  8. Right, Ladies, after huge chocolate cheese cake at lunch I'm calmer now.

    Thank you for your thoughts. I haven't touched ethical reason over fakes actually, so that's a good start. I hope she didn't choose it intentionally - or at least for this first instance I shall act that I believe she didn't know. We don't have mediam relatives - MIL is worse, saying Bays is young lady's Birkin (of which she has two - so what!). All my own family are in Japan (I'm Japanese living in UK).

    I think I will point out that it's a copy, talk about ethical problems and let her decide to use it or not. If she would like to bin it I may offer her half refunds afterwards. At the next short leave I will let her carry my speedy on planned shopping trip to Westfield.

    I just hate copy/fake making people - even NEXT or M&S sell them don't they?

    If anybody else still would like to input any comment, I will be still listening. Anyway I'm so glad I didn't just immediatly reply with angry hot text messages.

    OK, now I am almost ready to talk to her this evening, calmly & reasonably over the phone.
     
  9. Brill- she can't argue with calm and reason! good luck and hopefully she'll see sense. Chocolate cake works wonders doesn't it?!
     
  10. I have a daughter who is 11, when it comes to clothes she has her likes and dislikes and i will try to accommodate her wishes to a certain point. I wouldn't make her wear things she really didn't like but at the same time i would never buy her something unsuitable just because she wanted it. I'm the mother and have the money so in that way i guess i mantain control to a certain point. Yes she has birthday money etc but i would still not let her buy something i totally disagreed with.

    She also likes bags (yes my fault) but i personally feel that she is far too young to be owning a designer bag, instead i will buy her an age appropriate alternative.
    She also likes my bags and i have a blenheim which i may give her for a birthday some time in the future (14 upwards) but as for 'lending' bags i would say NO!
    Most chidren / young teenagers would find it very dificult to look after things properly, perhaps your 'lent' bag may be thrown to the floor, have drink spilled on / in it, be left at a friends, lent to a friend etc, etc, so i would only say give away what you wouldn't want to see back!
    As a mother you must do what is right for you, but i would say stick to your guns, don't be afraid to take the appropriate action (whatever that may be)!

    I would also say that as women we own lovely bags and have come to the point in life where we are able to, wether we have worked for them or have husbands, partners etc who buy them for us. But when i was a child i would never have been bought expensive designer bags just because i wanted them. My mum always had lovely bags and we were dressed well but, my bags to me are a luxery that i as an adult can now indulge in.

    These are just my thoughts and sorry if there a bit rambly! Good Luck with whatever you decide to do, with pre-teen girls we'll need all the encouragement we can get!!!
     
  11. Well done - let us know how you get on - as long as you remain calm you can't go far wrong !
    Boo's latest is to get a tattoo and her Mum has quite rightly freaked - got an urgent phonecall asking me to speak to her and reason with Boo. My response was - Fine , if you want a tattoo then you need to be old enough - that's the law , also you need to be careful where you get it done on your body and also by a proffessional so it doesn't get infected , be a rubbish design etc. We would be breaking the law if you got one done now but if it is something you really want and have thought carefully about ( which I know she hasn't ) then I will take you when you are old enough. I will pay for it and help you decide what to get etc and we will plan it all out. But and this is a big BUT if you go ahead and get one done yourself earlier or without my help I will not want to have anything to do with you anymore ( bit risky this part but am being brave ) I have recently taken her to Florida on holiday and plan to take her away this year too , she stays at my house on weekends and we go to the cinema and for meals out regularly so I like to think having no contact with me is a huge deal.
    In the end she gave me a big hug and promised to wait , she thanked me for being so cool about it and the subject has not been raised again.
    I only wish I could be so calm with my own boys - I am trying though and so far have not done to bad a job.
    From one Mum to another - big hug ! :flowers:
     
  12. Quote 'Shopaholicmum - I would also say that as women we own lovely bags and have come to the point in life where we are able to, wether we have worked for them or have husbands, partners etc who buy them for us. But when i was a child i would never have been bought expensive designer bags just because i wanted them. My mum always had lovely bags and we were dressed well but, my bags to me are a luxery that i as an adult can now indulge in.

    Excellent point !
    I think the culture of buy now, pay for later is finally coming home to roost with the current credit crunch etc. People have no appreciation for things and having to earn them ( tpfers excluded of course) It is a valuable lesson for todays future adults and a very topical issue to raise with your daughter.
     
  13. Limitededition can't you become my DD's surrogated cool aunt? After all we have the same Pink Roxy tote, so we are bag sisters! (Tatto - :faint: !?)

    Shopaholicmum thank you for your input too - I apprecaite it very much. When DD tells me I'm 'double-bag-standard' I will remember your comment...
     
  14. Hi Ratrat I can be your DD's cool surrogate aunt , especially as we are practically sisters with the same bag .
    Conveniently I run a business called 'Coolauntforhire' I'm syndicated with SuperNanny and The Dog Whisperer ( OMG I love Cesar Millan ) I am available for 24 hours support and advice and can be booked for one to one therapy sessions , my fees are £415 per session and I prefer to be paid in Mulberry vouchers ,HoF, Harvey Nichols etc will do as a substitute and must be paid in advance - ideally the sooner the better as the Blue patent Bays won't be around for ever.

    Disclaimer - the above information is for entertainment purposes only.Coolauntsforhire is a fabricated business and SuperNanny and Cesar Millan have no association with any such business.
    Cesar Millan rocks !
     
  15. :roflmfao: