Dating and Paying... opinions needed!

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IntlSet

IntlSet

Bonjour!
Jan 29, 2006
12,369
63
#1
Hi girls!!

I'm just wondering about something... do you pay on dates? And when that boy becomes your boyfriend, do you end up splitting everything even or do one of you shell out more?

Also, how many dates until the girl should pay?

I'm always really, really polite and grateful, and I make a good effort to offer to pay.

See, I never know. My dad always told me never go out with a man who wouldn't pay for my dinner. With dates, boyfriends, etc. beyond gifts I never pay for anything. My parents made it up to my last boyfriend by paying for a trip abroad with me.

I don't know, I guess I'm a traditionalist? The guy friends I grew up with also end up paying for the girls, so I guess this is just how I figure things should be? Anyway, don't kill me! I swear in every other way I'm a feminist! I'm just a little confused :worried:
 
#2
I think it's a sweet gesture when the guy pays on the first date, but you shuold always be prepared incase he expects to split the bill!!

My ex insisted on paying for anything. To the point that if he couldn't afford going out to eat, and I could, he'd rather us sit at home and get pizza. I enjoyed having him pay for movie tickets and stuff, but I found ways to force him into letting me pay for dinners,etc. :smile: because I hate when things are totally one-sided!
 
#3
I think it depends on the guy and who asked who out.
(I've been with the same guy for 15 years now so I have to get into my "way back" machine here)
  1. If I asked a guy out, I'd pay or we would split it.
  2. If a guy asked me out, I would ask him if I could contribute and if he said no, I would honor that.
  3. If he said, "sure" too quickly, I'd think "uh-oh, tightwad."
  4. If he said okay but I had to coax him into that, I'd think, this guy has some class.
  5. If I was dating someone exclusively, I would suggest that we trade-off paying for dates.
I might add that I dated musicians mostly and in the early days they have no money!

That concludes this session of dating and paying 101 according to me.
 
#4
I believe, personally, a guy should always pay. That's just the way I do things, but in general I think it depends on who asks who. If you asked him, then be perpared to pay for it all. If he asked you, he should be perpared to pay for it all.
 
#5
I have read alot about this subject on webboards recently. And it seems that the consensus is...that a guy pays if he's trying to bed the girl, and a girl should pay her own way if that's the last thing she wants to do.

If a girl has no interest in a guy, and yet lets him pay, she is what was used to be known as a "c.t."
 
#6
I think a guy should always offer to pay...and mean it! However, I hate having people, esp. guys, pay for me because then I feel like I owe them something. My first bf was mad cheap and we would always split everything (to the pt. where he would tell me to buy my own food if I wanted a bite -- should've known something was wrong right then and there). My last bf was a lot better. But since I insisted on paying, it became ritual that he would pay for dinner and I would pay for the movie, so that I would feel like I paid for something even though dinner is always more expensive. Sometimes though, I would carry my money in a wristlet and he'd take it when I didn't notice. That way, I wouldn't have anything to pay with and would have no choice but to let him pay. Most of the time though, I always wrestled my wristlet back from him (he usually hid it in his jacket pocket).

Overall, I think a guy should be sincere in his offer to pay. I wouldn't like it if he said yes to splitting too quicky (like bagnshoofetish said). The perfect guy would be one that could be coaxed into splitting. I don't like a guy who gets offended if you want to split it.
 
#7
coco-nut said:
I have read alot about this subject on webboards recently. And it seems that the consensus is...that a guy pays if he's trying to bed the girl, and a girl should pay her own way if that's the last thing she wants to do.

If a girl has no interest in a guy, and yet lets him pay, she is what was used to be known as a "c.t."
Click to expand...

HAHA! Actually, that's what my ex jokingly said when I told him that I would rather pay so as to not feel like I owe him something. And I guess that's part of the reason why I feel that way. It's like he's sorta buying you.
 
#8
coco-nut said:
I have read alot about this subject on webboards recently. And it seems that the consensus is...that a guy pays if he's trying to bed the girl, and a girl should pay her own way if that's the last thing she wants to do.

If a girl has no interest in a guy, and yet lets him pay, she is what was used to be known as a "c.t."
Click to expand...

What's a c.t? I've never heard of that.
 
#10
I don't think that a guy should necessarily always pay. That might have been okay before, but times have changed. Women have always fought for more independence and privileges as men, and I think with that comes some of the same responsibilities, such as paying for dinner or a date etc. Its nice when one gets treated to dinner, but I think it definitely needs to go both ways.
 
#13
I like what Coco-nut said about the man 'buying' you. However, I believe that if a guy has asked you out, he should pay. Always be prepared just in case! What if he 'forgets his wallet'? God knows I've had plenty of those. My boyfriend (whom I've been with for about a little more than a year) pays for almost everything, but won't argue if I wanna pay for the snacks at a movie once in a while. This is heaven sent for me, due to the fact that if I added up all the money I've loaned to my last boyfriend and the amount of dates I paid for to my other ex, I could probably buy a nice new Balenciaga!! :weird:
 
#14
bagnshoofetish said:
I think it depends on the guy and who asked who out.
(I've been with the same guy for 15 years now so I have to get into my "way back" machine here)
  1. If I asked a guy out, I'd pay or we would split it.
  2. If a guy asked me out, I would ask him if I could contribute and if he said no, I would honor that.
  3. If he said, "sure" too quickly, I'd think "uh-oh, tightwad."
  4. If he said okay but I had to coax him into that, I'd think, this guy has some class.
  5. If I was dating someone exclusively, I would suggest that we trade-off paying for dates.
I might add that I dated musicians mostly and in the early days they have no money!

That concludes this session of dating and paying 101 according to me.
Click to expand...

I absolutely, completely agree with this. This seems to be the most fair. Besides, I know some girls who just go out with guys to get a free meal. And if things don't work out, the guy wonders if the girl was ever interested and might think that she's just a gold-digger/user. This is the 21st century, after all. If the girls can work, the girls can pay.
 
#15
I'm pretty traditional when it comes to this and believe that for the most part, guys should pay. However, I'm not going to sit there and demand that it be that way all the time. I'd say my bf pays 80 percent of the time, and I pick up the tab the other 20 percent. Many times he refuses to let me pay, he is very traditional and holds doors open for me, and pumps my gas if I stop to fill up when he's with me :shame: He insists, I promise! :biggrin:
 
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