Dad going through my stuff.

  1. Okay so I'm currently in FL visiting my mom,

    My dad is back in Cali, and I just got the news from my brother that my dad went through my room...basicly rampaged it and found stuff in my room that pretained to me having a boyfriend!
    Anywho, I first heard about he knowing I had a bf, which isn't a big deal b/c whatever. But then I just found out that he went through my stuff?!?!?!


    I'm 20 years old, my dad has no right to dig through my :censor: . Even if he did and found something he didn't want to see, atleast know to keep it to himself.

    I am very serious with my boyfriend. My boyfriend mentioned more than enough times that he really doesn't want to be a secret to my dad and wanting to meet him...but I thought that I should finish my school first, then tell..which would have been in 3 weeks!
    My mom already met him, and everything is cool. She adores him! I met his WHOLE family already withing a week of going out with him.

    I'm going back to Cali Monday,and I'mg onna have to face him...I already wrote him an email, a nice one, teling him that I'm sorry if he feels that I should of told him, and that we can talk about this when I'm over there.

    I'm old enough to know what I want, my dad knew about my previous it's not like a total SECRET.

    If he goes out of proportion with this, I'm going to seriously let him know that this is why I can't tell him anything. ( MY DAD ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT IF I EVER NEEDED TO ASK SOMETHING OR TELL HIM SOEMTHING, FEEL FREE TO.) Because he's impulsive and nosy....:yucky:

    Older people...what do you think?
    Am I being a typical senseless young adult?

  2. Try talking to him... but ultimately, if you're mature enough to carry on a relationship that your father doesn't approve of, you're mature enough to move out of his house. :flowers:
  3. Hmm ... My parents go through my stuff all the time, and I'm a lot older than you. I don't really live with them, but when they're over they do look through everything - including my bank statements, credit card statements, and such. If they can't find them, they demand them. However, in my case it's just the way I'm brought up and the way my culture is - they're very old school.

    I am unfamiliar with the dynamics of your family but if your Dad is anything like my parents, I think he might've done what he did because he's feeling very protective of you and that he is being very old-fashioned. However, as you've said you are an adult. I feel that the best alternative right now is to move out because only then will you have more privacy. :flowers:
  4. IMHO, I am 42 and my mom did the same thing to me back in the 1980's. I think it is very hard for some parents to let go. They are used to you being a child when they had all the control. (I really don't agree with this method of parenting.) I was the only child and my mom still treats me like I am a kid sometimes.
    Ultimately, I wasn't independent until I moved out at age 23 and got my own apartment.
  5. I remember being on the phone with my dad and all of a sudden he says, "Um . . . . Mom was in your room and she found this book."

    My mom was cleaning my room, and she came across The Virgin Suicides. It's a novel, but my parents were incredibly concerned.
    It took me a while to convince them that it was a novel and not a how-to manual.
  6. LOL! Hilarious

  7. No, you're not. ​

    He may mean well, but he had no right to do that, unless he truly believed you were in mortal danger, or something.​

    In the UK, you are legally an adult at 18. I'm not sure how old you have to be in your state; but 20 is far too old to have to tolerate that outrageous an invasion of privacy, IMO! :rant:

  8. I don't blame you! :wtf: :lol:

    My Mum went through my bag and listened to my phonecalls (for no good reason - I wasn't on drugs, or anything), when I was 17.

    I'd left home within 3 months!
  9. My mum went through my stuff once, but only because she suspected something fishy going on when i had just turned 16 (smoking:angel:)

    She read my sisters diary once when she was 14 because she suspected myself and her were up to no good and she found some quality info:shame: ....but my mum had hell to pay for that..and never did it again.

    I think all teens, young adults and even twenty somethings deserve that little bit of respect and privacy of their personal belongings.

    Ticklemethu - Although i would suggest that maybe you should have been honest and upfront in the first instance about your boyfriend, your dad shouldn't have gone through your stuff - he had absolutely no right to.........No question!

    In the UK at the age of 16 you're allowed to have sex and get married, so why on earth would you want to share your banking and credit card details with your parents - do they want to know about your sex life too?
    AND - How would he feel if you went through his stuff..??:shrugs:

    koukanamiya - As for your parents going through your bank statements, credit cards, etc etc when you don't even live there - without meaning to sound rude, i'd in no uncertain terms tell them to mind their own business - you're adult enough to be able to sort that stuff out yourself and you deserve that privacy and respect!
    Do you mind that they still do this??

    Ultimately, i'd say that if you can't handle overbearing, nosy parents - move out or move on!!!:yes: :yes: :yes:
  10. Since you asked for "older people" comments, and I'm 51 with a 20 year old daughter, I guess I qualify.

    There are (as is usally the case) two sides to this. When I first started reading my reaction was "if she's underage, it's rude but it's a parent's perogative." Then I saw you were 20, making you legally an adult. Here's my two views on this:

    1)You obviously still live at home. Do you pay rent, living expenses or do your parents pay for most of it? Are your parents still supporting you through paying your college (or other) expenses? If so, then in your Dad's mind that gives him free reign to check up on you. It's that age old "As long as you are living in MY house!" mentality. Again, while it's rude (he SHOULD have just asked you what he wanted to know) he still has some right to do that if he's footing your bills.

    2) You ARE an adult and certainly have every right to your privacy. It was disrespectful and rude of your father to rifle through your belongings. The only exception to this would be (and I don't mean you do this) if your father suspected you were doing something illegal, then that changes things. If say, you were smoking crack in his home, HE could be arrested. As I said, my daughter is 20. If I thought she had crack in MY house, yes, I'd go through her room (and probably toss her on the sidewalk-or into rehab!).

    As you see, it's a complicated situation that I suggest you keep some of these things in mind before talking to your father.

    As an aside, I've never gone through my daughter's things in her room. Though one time I was in there and her diary was out and opened. I'm her mother, of course I glanced at it, but that was as far as I ever went as far as snooping. I trust my daughter, why spy on her. Perhaps you need to ask you Dad why he doesn't trust you. If he did, he wouldn't have done that.
  11. Young adult speaking: I let my mother take a look at your thread and she wanted me to post to you what she use to tell me when I was a teenager (chuckles while mom is watching) "if you want privacy at your age call lending tree and get a mortgage, then you can have all the privacy you need, but as LONG as you live under MY roof then there is none!!! I didn't understand this then but now that I have my own, I now understand the importance of being aware of what's going on in your kids lives but also respecting it at he same time.
  12. It's awful when someone goes through your things. Especially your parents. It breaks some of the trust you have with them. However, you live with them. I stay with my mother and I don't keep anything in the house I wouldn't want her to see. I don't have a problem with my mother going through my things, but if I did she wouldn't find anything and feel silly for even looking. I'm grown though (a whole whopping 24) so I guess that's why I don't have that problem. Plus, I'm a good girl. Always have been. Always will be.:angel:
  13. IMO, if you are still living in your parents house they can do whatever the heck they want.
    You are grown, there is no need to hide your relationship from your parents.
    You can always try what I did with my dad. I purposely left crazy items for him. I figured if he wanted to snoop I'd make sure he found something worth snooping for. He never did it again.
  14. :roflmfao: Your mom and my mom obviously are separated at birth. LOL My mom always, always, always told me the same thing. "As long as you're living under my roof, you'll follow my rules." was her other favorite well as "Life's not fair."

  15. hmm, even though your father should respect your privacy im a bit old fashioned (im 24 btw) and feel that its your dads house, you live there--he has a right to do what he wants while your sill under HIS roof. If you dont like it and need more space, consider moving out.