Collectors of anything: how do you not get addicted/ over zealous?

[klb4556]

SO I was really wondering what everyone else does who collects anything ( handbags, sunglasses, watches, shoes)etc...
when you almost can't stop, to wait at ALL to add things to your collection when there's so much you want.

Do you ever get into the process of buying and returning because you can't find the perfect thing or feel like your money was well spent or do you find yourself buying too many things within a period of time that's not healthy spending?

what have you done to help this issue?


thanks everyone!

 

[remainsilly]

You may not want this answer...

How do I not fall down the rabbit hole?
I watch people--read posts here.
And see where different choices go.

Also, I cleaned out hoarders' houses.
And worked with alcohol/chemical addicts.
Saw blind, uncontrollable reactions as piles of empty hairspray cans & newspapers.
As rotted-out teeth & prison sentences.
Saw the fear.
Heartbreak. Losing all humanity to madness.
But continuing actions anyway.
Trying to survive for 1 more day.
By collecting. By intaking. Anything.
And hating themselves all the while.
For wanting. For needing.
But never finding lasting peace that way.

I thank my God those lessons.
By remembering.
By doing best to choose softer way.
Which includes saying, "No," to lots of cute handbags.
And crossing dark moments without crutches.

Good luck.

 

[reginaPhalange]

I try to focus my resources (energy, money, and time) elsewhere - there are many interests I have outside the world of luxury goods and responsibilities which are much more important. Another thing could be to take some time off from tPF/social media (as awful as it sounds!) to realign your priorities. I can definitely say that around the time of joining tPF, my spending habits increased for a brief period but I was shortly able to grasp control. I'd also check out the following threads:
- https://forum.purseblog.com/threads/advice-to-those-just-starting-handbag-collections.696396/
- https://forum.purseblog.com/threads/help-me-stop-wanting-more-bags.964258/

 

[Sparkletastic]

There was a period of time (lasted about 2-3 years) where I wanted to buy, buy, buy. I didn't buy and return but I did a lot of buying and selling. My big area was home decor. Handbags and clothing were an active but distant second. I stopped for several reasons.

• Buy, buy, buy made me feel physically ill after a while. I don't buy on credit but use my AmEx which has to be paid in full. So after a while, I knew what the AmEx bill would look like each month. That eventually killed the joy of reckless buying.

• I have spendy, non saving friends. Seeing them buy (waste, gamble, etc) - resulting in serious financial difficulties - is eye opening. Especially, when they repeatedly came to me for loans that never got repaid. I told them all a few years ago that the Bank of Sparkle was closed. They still spend and whine about "hard times". It's ridiculous.

• I realized some of my purchases started to be duplicative. For example, I love designer sunglasses. I realized I only like one style (large, rounded, cat eye). And one pair of black sunglasses with shw looks a lot like another. I don't gain any utility from 12 v. 2 pair. So I kept a tight range of sunnies in colors and hardware I love and sold the rest. I have no desire to buy more unless something unique comes out.

• I hate clutter / owning things I don't use. Collections take up room. Unless I'm actively using the thing, it irritates me to have it in my home. I don't keep things for fantasy "maybe I'll need it" reasons. (My family does this and their houses are like swap meets. Clean but every closet, cabinet and shelf crammed.) I go through my house and wardrobe yearly. Anything that wasn't used, is sold or donated. So, to avoid waste, I think hard before buying to make sure things will be used.

• I despise selling. I did a major wardrobe overhaul and sold hundreds of things on sites like eBay. I've been lucky - I've had a few difficult buyers but haven't been scammed. But, it's a pain in the rumpus to photograph, describe, list, package and ship items. So I instituted a personal 100% satisfaction goal. I don't want to have buyers remorse about anything. So, I pause and really consider my purchases.

• I upgraded. Instead of buying 10 items I sorta liked, I now buy the one thing I really want. A beautiful diamond bracelet makes me happier than 10 costume bracelets. And I'll wear the diamond bracelet much more. So even though I still have to have a little variety (one of anything is rarely sufficient) my total items have gone down significantly because I get exactly what I want. Right now I have 33 handbags - mostly premier. I used to have 150 handbags - mostly junk (sub-contemporary, hand me downs, etc.). I'm much happier with a smaller collection of exactly what I want.

• I keep myself busy doing things other than shopping. It's more fun to wear my clothes / shoes / bags at a fun activity with friends or on vacation with family than it is buying the things.

• I'm addicted to saving and seeing my assets grow. I didn't come from nor marry money. I've worked and saved to get to this point. I have zero desire to keep up with the Jones or anyone else. I happily live under my means.

• I value freedom more than stuff. I know that If I spend money on things I love but don't really need, that's one more day I have to work before I retire. That's one more bit of dependency I have on keeping a job whether I like it or not. That's one less dollar to use for travel or to spoil adult children and future grandkids years down the road. So that keeps me grounded.

So just as why we buy is complex, why I happily restrain my buying is also comolex. Hope this helps.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

An "economic minded" spouse/partner?

It would depend on if you are collecting as an investment or just for collecting's sake, I think,

One thing that's helping keep my collecting hoarding in check is that we've moved a couple of times an a few years which forces you to discard and I discovered the Konmari method at about the same time that I delurked and joined TPF "for real". The reason I signed up was that after years of lurking and not in a

There was a period of time (lasted about 2-3 years) where I wanted to buy, buy, buy. I didn't buy and return but I did a lot of buying and selling. My big area was home decor. Handbags and clothing were an active but distant second. I stopped for several reasons.

• Buy, buy, buy made me feel physically ill after a while. I don't buy on credit but use my AmEx which has to be paid in full. So after a while, I knew what the AmEx bill would look like each month. That eventually killed the joy of reckless buying.

• I have spendy, non saving friends. Seeing them buy (waste, gamble, etc) - resulting in serious financial difficulties - is eye opening. Especially, when they repeatedly came to me for loans that never got repaid. I told them all a few years ago that the Bank of Sparkle was closed. They still spend and whine about "hard times". It's ridiculous.

• I realized some of my purchases started to be duplicative. For example, I love designer sunglasses. I realized I only like one style (large, rounded, cat eye). And one pair of black sunglasses with shw looks a lot like another. I don't gain any utility from 12 v. 2 pair. So I kept a tight range of sunnies in colors and hardware I love and sold the rest. I have no desire to buy more unless something unique comes out.

• I hate clutter / owning things I don't use. Collections take up room. Unless I'm actively using the thing, it irritates me to have it in my home. I don't keep things for fantasy "maybe I'll need it" reasons. (My family does this and their houses are like swap meets. Clean but every closet, cabinet and shelf crammed.) I go through my house and wardrobe yearly. Anything that wasn't used, is sold or donated. So, to avoid waste, I think hard before buying to make sure things will be used.

• I despise selling. I did a major wardrobe overhaul and sold hundreds of things on sites like eBay. I've been lucky - I've had a few difficult buyers but haven't been scammed. But, it's a pain in the rumpus to photograph, describe, list, package and ship items. So I instituted a personal 100% satisfaction goal. I don't want to have buyers remorse about anything. So, I pause and really consider my purchases.

• I upgraded. Instead of buying 10 items I sorta liked, I now buy the one thing I really want. A beautiful diamond bracelet makes me happier than 10 costume bracelets. And I'll wear the diamond bracelet much more. So even though I still have to have a little variety (one of anything is rarely sufficient) my total items have gone down significantly because I get exactly what I want. Right now I have 33 handbags - mostly premier. I used to have 150 handbags - mostly junk (sub-contemporary, hand me downs, etc.). I'm much happier with a smaller collection of exactly what I want.

• I keep myself busy doing things other than shopping. It's more fun to wear my clothes / shoes / bags at a fun activity with friends or on vacation with family than it is buying the things.

• I'm addicted to saving and seeing my assets grow. I didn't come from nor marry money. I've worked and saved to get to this point. I have zero desire to keep up with the Jones or anyone else. I happily live under my means.

• I value freedom more than stuff. I know that If I spend money on things I love but don't really need, that's one more day I have to work before I retire. That's one more bit of dependency I have on keeping a job whether I like it or not. That's one less dollar to use for travel or to spoil adult children and future grandkids years down the road. So that keeps me grounded.

So just as why we buy is complex, why I happily restrain my buying is also comolex. Hope this helps.

Bravo Sparkletastic! These are points well worth thinking about.



But 33 handbags; a small collection? Only on TPF I guess

 

[remainsilly]

But 33 handbags; a small collection? Only on TPF I guess

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

You know what's even funnier? That I deleted the first part of my post (I thought!) but TPF saves old deleted texts apparently! I'm just glad it wasn't something more cringe worthy than what it was. Sorry everybody if the first part makes no sense My planned post starts with Bravo Sparkletastic!

 

[2cello]

This is just a wiki entry but speaks to the psychology of collecting. I personally think there is a addictive component to it. I think easy access "on-line" makes it worse. I don't even have to buy bags for it to be harmful - I am spending wayyyyy too much time looking at them on-line trying to find the right one. Why is the next one going to be that much better? There are more beneficial things to be doing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_collecting

Petrulis also admits there is a dark side to collecting, providing some support for views that certain passions can be bad. "It gets addictive," says Petrulis, "just like gambling, drugs or sex. It's like putting a coin in a slot machine. It might not pay off this time, so you put another quarter in and keep doing it until you are tapped out or finally hit the jackpot."

 

[Sparkletastic]

An "economic minded" spouse/partner?

It would depend on if you are collecting as an investment or just for collecting's sake, I think,

One thing that's helping keep my collecting hoarding in check is that we've moved a couple of times an a few years which forces you to discard and I discovered the Konmari method at about the same time that I delurked and joined TPF "for real". The reason I signed up was that after years of lurking and not in a

Bravo Sparkletastic! These are points well worth thinking about.



But 33 handbags; a small collection? Only on TPF I guess

You know what's even funnier? That I deleted the first part of my post (I thought!) but TPF saves old deleted texts apparently! I'm just glad it wasn't something more cringe worthy than what it was. Sorry everybody if the first part makes no sense My planned post starts with Bravo Sparkletastic!

IKR?!? 33 seems teeny on TPF! In "real life" people have one or two bags and are happy. LOL!
Your first part makes total sense! Love the Konkari method. And, I've also moved several times over recent years. Each move has also made us reevaluate / get rid of stuff. You don't like it as much when you have to pay to crate / box / move it.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

This is just a wiki entry but speaks to the psychology of collecting. I personally think there is a addictive component to it. I think easy access "on-line" makes it worse. I don't even have to buy bags for it to be harmful - I am spending wayyyyy too much time looking at them on-line trying to find the right one. Why is the next one going to be that much better? There are more beneficial things to be doing.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychology_of_collecting

I too spend far too much time on for ex TPF. But I have two very good excuses naturally. There are lots of nice, interesting, kind, bag savvy and witty people here. And who know how to pick and present a really great bag - or 33 Secondly, I need help to endure my angst somewhere understanding, while waiting for either a bag/SLG to arrive, discovering what state said bag/SLG- new or pre-owned- is actually in when unpackaged- and if pre-owned, endure the waiting for authentication and the consequent verdict.

Like now, all the awesome autenticators on my fave forum seem to have suddenly gone AWOL and just when I've received what is looking to be the actual "one" black City for me! What are they thinking of?! I can not wear my bag until you say I can! I'm sorry OP, i'm not helping am I... In my defense and more on topic I have what can only be described as a truly capsule bag "collection" and anything over 10 15 I would consider excessive on my part. I think this is because my criteria is I need to LOVE and feel happy about a bag and want to wear it always. Luckily not too many bags spark this for me.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

IKR?!? 33 seems teeny on TPF! In "real life" people have one or two bags and are happy. LOL!
Your first part makes total sense! Love the Konkari method. And, I've also moved several times over recent years. Each move has also made us reevaluate / get rid of stuff. You don't like it as much when you have to pay to crate / box / move it.

I wish I'd known about Konmari before all these moves. I think I would have chosen better what to keep or discard.

 

[handbagkay]

I'm kind of in the manic phase of handbag addiction right now, I constantly am looking for new things I want and I've impulse bought a few things that were a good price (better than retail at least... albeit not cheap ) so I've found responses in this thread helpful.
In addition to becoming addicted to designer goods, what's even worse is I'm addicted to getting a good deal. I frequently buy clothes/shoes/handbags that I don't necessarily love but the price is great, which I think is my biggest problem right now... but like Sparkletastic said, having one really nice bracelet is better than having 10 average bracelets, which is a mindset I'm really trying to stick with right now.
Unfortunately being pretty new to the designer handbag world, there's SO much I still want - pacing my purchases is another issue I'm having, especially since I frequent pre-loved marketplaces and usually the item will be gone pretty quickly if you don't jump on it when you see it.

But truthfully I'm glad I'm not the only one who is having this sort of problem, it makes me feel a bit better! I just need to work on my self control when it comes to spending and perhaps try and stop myself from searching pre-loved websites...

 

[klb4556]

There was a period of time (lasted about 2-3 years) where I wanted to buy, buy, buy. I didn't buy and return but I did a lot of buying and selling. My big area was home decor. Handbags and clothing were an active but distant second. I stopped for several reasons.

• Buy, buy, buy made me feel physically ill after a while. I don't buy on credit but use my AmEx which has to be paid in full. So after a while, I knew what the AmEx bill would look like each month. That eventually killed the joy of reckless buying.

• I have spendy, non saving friends. Seeing them buy (waste, gamble, etc) - resulting in serious financial difficulties - is eye opening. Especially, when they repeatedly came to me for loans that never got repaid. I told them all a few years ago that the Bank of Sparkle was closed. They still spend and whine about "hard times". It's ridiculous.

• I realized some of my purchases started to be duplicative. For example, I love designer sunglasses. I realized I only like one style (large, rounded, cat eye). And one pair of black sunglasses with shw looks a lot like another. I don't gain any utility from 12 v. 2 pair. So I kept a tight range of sunnies in colors and hardware I love and sold the rest. I have no desire to buy more unless something unique comes out.

• I hate clutter / owning things I don't use. Collections take up room. Unless I'm actively using the thing, it irritates me to have it in my home. I don't keep things for fantasy "maybe I'll need it" reasons. (My family does this and their houses are like swap meets. Clean but every closet, cabinet and shelf crammed.) I go through my house and wardrobe yearly. Anything that wasn't used, is sold or donated. So, to avoid waste, I think hard before buying to make sure things will be used.

• I despise selling. I did a major wardrobe overhaul and sold hundreds of things on sites like eBay. I've been lucky - I've had a few difficult buyers but haven't been scammed. But, it's a pain in the rumpus to photograph, describe, list, package and ship items. So I instituted a personal 100% satisfaction goal. I don't want to have buyers remorse about anything. So, I pause and really consider my purchases.

• I upgraded. Instead of buying 10 items I sorta liked, I now buy the one thing I really want. A beautiful diamond bracelet makes me happier than 10 costume bracelets. And I'll wear the diamond bracelet much more. So even though I still have to have a little variety (one of anything is rarely sufficient) my total items have gone down significantly because I get exactly what I want. Right now I have 33 handbags - mostly premier. I used to have 150 handbags - mostly junk (sub-contemporary, hand me downs, etc.). I'm much happier with a smaller collection of exactly what I want.

• I keep myself busy doing things other than shopping. It's more fun to wear my clothes / shoes / bags at a fun activity with friends or on vacation with family than it is buying the things.

• I'm addicted to saving and seeing my assets grow. I didn't come from nor marry money. I've worked and saved to get to this point. I have zero desire to keep up with the Jones or anyone else. I happily live under my means.

• I value freedom more than stuff. I know that If I spend money on things I love but don't really need, that's one more day I have to work before I retire. That's one more bit of dependency I have on keeping a job whether I like it or not. That's one less dollar to use for travel or to spoil adult children and future grandkids years down the road. So that keeps me grounded.

So just as why we buy is complex, why I happily restrain my buying is also comolex. Hope this helps.

Thank you!!! there are a lot of helpful things so far in this thread, but you really took time to point out all those things and that means a lot, very true indeed.
I am having a lot go wrong in my life, I have a chronic health condition and have for several years and the diagnoses keep getting worse and I have always shopped for nice things so at least I can have my nice things at home, or when I rarely feel good to pop out in public, I can feel like I look more than I feel worth if that makes sense. Plus I just love luxury goods, it's better to buy something and pay more that will last nearly all your life than piece after piece of cheapies. I have been out of work since January and it almost seems like the compulsion is so much stronger since then!! I have always wanted to travel, and I am 26 now, and never been any of those places just due to never having THAT much money, but I've got friends going everywhere this summer and it's really taking it's toll on me. So the stuff that makes me feel and look nice plays a big part in where I find my joy these days, essentially being home-ridden.
I will take all these things to heart, and especially the fact that my card is getting higher (my fiance and I both have had to put things on that card because of a whole different story) and it's almost like " there's already so much on it, what does another pair of sunglasses hurt?"... not a great mentality.

I do know my friend going to Italy this month for several weeks is in debt over her head. She found a rental house for around $450 a month, and she makes 40k a year, but wants roommates for the house... and I know this is due to her spending because when I go shopping with her and buy a caramel truffle from the chocolate shop and a sale blouse, she is charging 200-300 every time we shop.. so I see this as detrimental. And assuredly the Italy trip is probably on credit too.

I also need to start feeling more guilty about my fiance working to pay bills, one of them being the card we both have jacked stuff on to, but me adding things is not helping.

Whew... what a tangled web we weave.

I'm kind of in the manic phase of handbag addiction right now, I constantly am looking for new things I want and I've impulse bought a few things that were a good price (better than retail at least... albeit not cheap ) so I've found responses in this thread helpful.
In addition to becoming addicted to designer goods, what's even worse is I'm addicted to getting a good deal. I frequently buy clothes/shoes/handbags that I don't necessarily love but the price is great, which I think is my biggest problem right now... but like Sparkletastic said, having one really nice bracelet is better than having 10 average bracelets, which is a mindset I'm really trying to stick with right now.
Unfortunately being pretty new to the designer handbag world, there's SO much I still want - pacing my purchases is another issue I'm having, especially since I frequent pre-loved marketplaces and usually the item will be gone pretty quickly if you don't jump on it when you see it.

But truthfully I'm glad I'm not the only one who is having this sort of problem, it makes me feel a bit better! I just need to work on my self control when it comes to spending and perhaps try and stop myself from searching pre-loved websites...

I'm so glad you replied and joined this kind of discussion because I really felt embarrassed posting it but I thought there had to be other people dealing with it, maybe only a few would admit it, but I knew I might find some help. Especially at tPF, we all love luxury something, and are always saving for (or sometimes not) and lusting after different things, and it's easy to get addicted to that feeling, and the feeling of looking nice, bringing confidence to yourself.

You are definitely NOT alone


I have wanted to start reading some books about minimalism, I think there is actually a good read from the Dalai Lama about material things and how to distance yourself from deriving your only happiness from those goods. I want to practise the method where you hold items and really think about if they bring you any joy or not, and if they don't, get rid of them. I like that idea.

I am so glad others are sharing experiences here and I am going to try reading some books over the next couple weeks and I will make another post with anything helpful.

 

[SomethingGoodCanWork]

Thank you!!! there are a lot of helpful things so far in this thread, but you really took time to point out all those things and that means a lot, very true indeed.
I am having a lot go wrong in my life, I have a chronic health condition and have for several years and the diagnoses keep getting worse and I have always shopped for nice things so at least I can have my nice things at home, or when I rarely feel good to pop out in public, I can feel like I look more than I feel worth if that makes sense. Plus I just love luxury goods, it's better to buy something and pay more that will last nearly all your life than piece after piece of cheapies. I have been out of work since January and it almost seems like the compulsion is so much stronger since then!! I have always wanted to travel, and I am 26 now, and never been any of those places just due to never having THAT much money, but I've got friends going everywhere this summer and it's really taking it's toll on me. So the stuff that makes me feel and look nice plays a big part in where I find my joy these days, essentially being home-ridden.
I will take all these things to heart, and especially the fact that my card is getting higher (my fiance and I both have had to put things on that card because of a whole different story) and it's almost like " there's already so much on it, what does another pair of sunglasses hurt?"... not a great mentality.

I do know my friend going to Italy this month for several weeks is in debt over her head. She found a rental house for around $450 a month, and she makes 40k a year, but wants roommates for the house... and I know this is due to her spending because when I go shopping with her and buy a caramel truffle from the chocolate shop and a sale blouse, she is charging 200-300 every time we shop.. so I see this as detrimental. And assuredly the Italy trip is probably on credit too.

I also need to start feeling more guilty about my fiance working to pay bills, one of them being the card we both have jacked stuff on to, but me adding things is not helping.

Whew... what a tangled web we weave.




I'm so glad you replied and joined this kind of discussion because I really felt embarrassed posting it but I thought there had to be other people dealing with it, maybe only a few would admit it, but I knew I might find some help. Especially at tPF, we all love luxury something, and are always saving for (or sometimes not) and lusting after different things, and it's easy to get addicted to that feeling, and the feeling of looking nice, bringing confidence to yourself.

You are definitely NOT alone


I have wanted to start reading some books about minimalism, I think there is actually a good read from the Dalai Lama about material things and how to distance yourself from deriving your only happiness from those goods. I want to practise the method where you hold items and really think about if they bring you any joy or not, and if they don't, get rid of them. I like that idea.

I am so glad others are sharing experiences here and I am going to try reading some books over the next couple weeks and I will make another post with anything helpful.

There was some additional great advice on this thread if you didn't see it https://forum.purseblog.com/threads/help-me-stop-wanting-more-bags.964258/ It's a similar issue to what you bring up. I think, like I wrote in that thread, it's very important to not compare yourself (your bags, your looks, your weight, your social and economical situation etc) to others but rather use what others have that is good and that you would want for yourself as inspiration. If we constantly compare ourselves to others we lose sight of who we are, what is truly important to us. I think somebody in something I read long ago called it "following your own goofy little star".

I fully understand what you mean by "I can feel like I look more than I feel worth if that makes sense.". My bags spark real joy in me, but to be perfectly honest sometimes they are also "power bags" to me, because in some cases I just feel weak and I need that extra confidence they give me.