Clone High

  1. Anyone else ever see this? It's a Canadian show and airs on Teletoon. It's one of those cartoons that are not really for kids. I've only seen a couple of episodes, because I've discovered them when channel surfing, but I've enjoyed the episodes I've seen.

    It's such a cool concept.
    Will Forte (from Saturday Night Live) did the voice of Abe.

    A secret government plan to dig up historical figures and clone them has work. It is 16 years later, and the clones are now in high school. The five main characters are Abe Lincoln, an all around nice but naive guy who lusts after the school sexpot Cleopatra, who is dating the macho JFK. Also, Abe's two best friends are Joan of Arc, an angst ridden goth girl who is in love with him, and Gandhi, a none-stop party animal. Clone High bravely tackles challenging teen issues, such as sleep deprivation, catching ADD from toilet seats, the evils of litter, and having the guy you like not like you back the same way you like him. Will Abe get together with Cleo, or be thwarted by the handsome JFK? Will Joan finally get Abe to notice her? Who's to say?
  2. Theme Song: Way way back in the 1980s / Secret government employees / Dug up famous guys and ladies / And made amusing genetic copies. / Now the clones are sexy teens, now / They're gonna make it if they try. / Loving, learning, sharing, judging / A time to laugh and shiver and cry / Clone High, Clone High.

    Tom Green: Hey, you're reading my book. Touch the book. Lick the book. Lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book, lick the book. Book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book, book. Yeah, I haven't read it either. People with ADD, they aren't good readers. Wanna go shave a dog?

    Abe: Look, Kennedy, we kissed. And I don't want to exaggerate the importance of it, but we're going to be together forever.

    Joan of Arc: [dressed as a man] There was this girl...
    Boys: Yeah? Yeah?
    Joan of Arc: And I kissed her...
    Boys: Yeah? Yeah?
    Joan of Arc: And then we held each other until the sun came up.
    Joan of Arc: [pause] And then I nailed her.
    Boys: Yay!

    Joan of Arc: Ugh! Why do guys always go for giggly, vapid sluts?
    JFK: Hark! I just heard a word that starts with an S, ends with an S, and has a "lut" inside. A "lut" of me!

    JFK: Hey baby, want a corsage? 'Cause I got a delicate flower for ya... in my pants!

    JFK: Hark! That sounds like the gentle knock of a vulnerable teenage girl.
    [door opens; Joan is standing in the rain]
    You're wet. Allow me to dry you off... with my pants!

    Narrator: Last year, Abe said he was 15 years old. Now he claims to be 16. Which is it, Abe? Better keep your story straight. He'd also like you to believe he's not a baby eater. But he's never gone on record saying he isn't. Maybe he's too busy eating babies!

    Police Officer: Well, well, well. If it isn't my old friend, underage drinking. So, we meet again. How are you, underage drinking? Besides illegal!

    Abe: Cleo sort of wants to... but I just don't know if I'm ready.
    Abe's Foster Dad: Well, foster son, over half of high school students nation-wide have chosen abstinence, which is a good choice. But, they're not dating Cleo-friggin-patra! Have you seen that girl's ass? It's built like the Space Shuttle! Oh, this could be your only chance to drown the slippery otter! To harpoon the salty longshoreman! To verb the adjective noun!... But abstinence is a good choice as well.

    Glenn the Janitor: Hi, I'm Glenn. I'm the school janitor. Ponce was like a son to me, probably because he was my foster son. My dead foster son.
    Son, I just want you to know...
    Scudworth: Oh janitor, some kid vomited in the hallway. Could you make with the sawdust and clean it up.
    Glenn the Janitor: Ah yeah, but I'm kinda giving my son's eulogy right now.
    Scudworth: Yeah. If you could just do it now. Your son will still be dead when you get back.

    Joan of Arc: Abe, I'm so mad at you I could kiss you!
    Abe: What did you say, Joan?
    Joan of Arc: I said, I'm so mad at you I could piss glue.
    Abe: Really? It sounded like you said "I could kiss you."
    Joan of Arc: No, I said: "I could piss glue." It's a very common expression.

    Joan of Arc: You know, Abe, I've been thinking. I'm going to date a lot more this year.
    Abe: Uh-huh, I want to date Cleopatra. She's attractive, smart, athletic, good looking, she's hot, photogenic, she takes pride in her appearance. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I admire her commitment to community service.
    Joan of Arc: You don't think dating an old friend would be better? You know, maybe someone that you take for granted?
    Abe: Nah, I like Cleo.
    Joan of Arc: But, Abe, think about it... like, an old friend that...
    Abe: [interrupting her] Nope! Cleo. Only... Cleo.

    Abe: Welcome back, Joan.
    Gandhi: [to Joan] Hey, you got breasts.
    Joan of Arc: Geez, Abe. You grew, like, a foot.
    Gandhi: You grew, like, a pair of breasts.
    Abe: Luckily, the extra height doesn't feel that awkward.
    [Abe runs into a tree, falls down, then pops up] I'm up!
    Joan of Arc: I wish I'd seen you more over the summer, but I was at camp.
    Gandhi: Was it Breast Camp?
    Joan of Arc: Okay, you get one more!

    JFK: Ask not what your student body president can do for you... Ask what you can do to your student body president's body.

    Gandhi: Abe, I like my humping like I like my martini's... drrrrrrrrrrrrrry.

    [Principal Scudworth is seeking funding for his evil side-project, "Cloney Island"]
    Mr. Butlertron: Perhaps you could get Clone High a corporate sponsor. Those Pumas were rather fresh.
    Scudworth: Sell out? And turn the school into some profit-hungry corporation? [Beat] Why, that idea's as foolish as getting new brakes from anywhere but Midas.

    Gandhi: Sure I buckled under the pressure of living up to the original Gandhi and became a non-stop party machine, but dammit, I still care. So, Joan, you can count on me.
    [Gandhi on the phone at a huge party] Oh, no, not a party, we're just really busy here at the teen hotline. Whooooo! Suzie, Kelly, do me a favor and make out, aha ha ha ha.
    [returns to the phone]
    So, you're depressed...

    JFK: Are uh you drunk enough to sleep with me?
    [Joan of Arc kicks JFK in the face]
    Answer the question.

    Announcer: Next time on a very special clone high, Will Abe and Joans student films reveal their true feelings for one other? How will Scudworth get himself out of another dangerous pickle? And what will become of Gandhi? I'd tell you but I haven't seen the episode yet, they were supposed to send it to me but there's this guy at work who totally hates me, if he gets me fired I'm going to kill his dog...
    [show ends]

    [sitting at a table booth with some ladies]
    JFK: This is a very tough time for me, without Cleo I'm a broken man. Hey, let's all go swimming in my pool, and by pool I mean bath tub, and by swimming, I mean sex.

    Tom Green: So some of you may have been mean to a kid with ADD. That's not cool. Coffee? Anyone for - coffee anyone? All right, sorry. I like cotton candy. Check out my muscle. Potato chips. It's a Ferris wheel. So I guess what I'm trying to say is - plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag. Plastic bag.

    JFK: Forget it, kid. No dry porking for you.
    Gandhi: [forces himself to undergo a JFK-like transformation] Fowah suppah I want a pawtty plattah.
    JFK: Wait a minute! Throw some 'er's and 'uh's in there. What's your hurry?

  3. yeah i use to watch this at times. I like Cleo