Chinese Parents favoring sons.....it SUCKS!

Oct 17, 2006
1,792
417
You should read "The millionaire next door" if you haven't already. There's an article about parents who favor a child and "strengthen the strong and weaken the weak"...in this case, you are the "Strong" and you are strengthened by your mom's action because you need to be more independent than your brother. Your brother will suffer once your parents are no longer able to provide for him.

I dont' know what to say about the son favoritism...it's partly why my parents said to not date Asians from certain backgrounds because the men never lift a finger.
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I totally agree with cola262's two points stated above.
1. The favored and pampered son grows up not knowing how to take care of himself, while the neglected daughter learns to be independent. Therefore, what appears to be a loss is actually a blessing in disguise.

2. A a mother of two girls, I also watch out for the welfare of my girls to make sure that they do not date or marry guys from "very traditional" families in which girls are viewed/treated as second class citizens, or rather belongings of their husbands. In these "traditional families", I never see the sons do any housework. Their selfish and mindless behavior just irritates me.

Like you, for years I wonder why disadvantaged women from traditional culture treat their daughters and daughter-in-laws as unfairly as they themselves have been treated by men and elder women. I guess, as someone pointed out earlier, that they do so because it is the way they were brought up and trained (or rather programmed) to think.

Therefore, I think you should not hold any grudges against your mother no matter how unfair she is. She does not know what she had done to you. After all, she is your mother. I do not know any mothers who do not love their own flesh and blood, even if they play favoritism. Furthermore, your mother does not have too many years left to spend with you. Try to treasure the remaining time she has with you. Ignore her actions if they bother you. Just respond to all the positives.:yes:
 

LouisLady

Member
May 22, 2006
6,615
0
Yikes.

I dont like hearing this sort of stuff. ;[

Esp that story about how in India they kill their baby girls.

Well, in my Vietnamese culture...we are all loved.

Sheesh, back in the day every fam would have like 10 or 15 kids!
 

The KK

Member
Nov 23, 2006
38
0
You should read "The millionaire next door" if you haven't already. There's an article about parents who favor a child and "strengthen the strong and weaken the weak"...in this case, you are the "Strong" and you are strengthened by your mom's action because you need to be more independent than your brother. Your brother will suffer once your parents are no longer able to provide for him.

I dont' know what to say about the son favoritism...it's partly why my parents said to not date Asians from certain backgrounds because the men never lift a finger.
Thanks for the great advice! I never realized that "strengthen the strong and weaken the weak".

My mother never encourge us to have any self-confidence or self-esteem and she is a very controlling person. Once I got married and left my parents house, I had a black sky totally lifted off me. I felt confident and now a stay at home mom with 3 beautiful children with a comfortable life that my husband can provide for us. She is still constantly criticizing me for every breath I take but I no longer let that bother me. I won't allow her misery make my life miserable, as you know misery loves company.

It is too bad that she cannot be happy for what I have but life must go on for me to raise my children as healthy as I can emotionally, financially, etc. I do not want history to repeat again.

Thank you all for your advices and letting me vent out some bad air.
 

ayla

nyan nyan percent
O.G.
Oct 19, 2005
26,070
124
Toronto, Ontario
It's hopefully something that doesn't get passed down through the generations. In my mother's generation, it was definitely a favourtism thing, she has 7 sisters, and 1 brother (8 daughters consecutively, and then finally the son). To think that a family would continue to have children until they finally have a son just seems so impractical and boggles my mind ! This seems to be still very much the case when you look at orphanages in China though, filled with little girls because their parents want a son instead.

My mother is more progressive I think, but there are still some instances which favourtism perhaps prevailed. My brother and I were both born left handed, except I was "corrected" (hand slappings !) until I used my right hand. My brother never underwent this treatment. My mother also has much, much higher expectations for me. I'm currently in law school, yet she constantly questions me on when I will be applying for med school. My brother has a much lower standard to live up to.. in fact, she would be very pleased if he joined the police force, rather than.. say, become a doctor.

In Cantonese, there's an expression - "dai sai chiu", you look at some things disporportionately. It seems to be the case, but hey, I won't pass this onto the next generation !
 

misspiggy

O.G.
Sep 15, 2006
2,473
4
I don't think it's a cultural issue but some cultures TEND to exhibit this more than other cultures.

Japanese, Korean, Chinese, Indian, Italian, even some American or Caucasian families prefer boys to girls. My dad refused to let me learn how to drive when I turned 16. He couldn't understand it. Said all I need is a boyfriend or husband to drive me around!!! I turned a deaf ear and took up driving lessons behind his back.

Today, with is failing eyesight, he makes me drive him around almost everywhere. I still tease him now and then about this - where would he be without his daughter knowing how to drive?? He always looks suitably sheepish so I forgive him :smile: