cheating or not? sorry- long!!

#62
This guy sucks. He trys to justify his shady behavior by saying you are insecure? What a jerk! We are very proud of you for stating your opinion and sticking up for yourself. PM me if you need anything.

*hugs*
 
#63
sayhitoromes said:
A mini update - I confronted him and told him the advice that you guys gave me. I said that I know he went to the party that night, I saw the pictures, that I am sick of the lies. He said "i didn't lie, I did go to the precinct with my friend who got robbed, but i also went to the party. I didnt lie just left things out". I was like "whether you leave things out, or lie - IT IS DISHONESTY!!!" I mean, I just came home after a week of being out of town - he should be with me, esp since I was waiting up for him thinkin hes coming back soon (he left my house at midnight, and i waited up until like 3 am).
He even had the girl who's party it was, call me and tell me that my bf didnt stay at the party long:evil:. I told her straight up "i don't know why yr calling me, I don't have an issue with you. I have an issue with him. whether he was there 4 hours or 20 minutes, he should have let me know if I am home waiting up for him".
Long story short - I basically repeated a lot of what I read here. I told him that I deserved 100% honesty and better than what he was giving me. He accused me of snooping and even said that MY INSECURTY IS THE PROBLEM!!, and I told him that is the only way I find out the truth. I also told him this is HIS problem, don't turn it on me.
In the end, he said he was sorry fand that in the future he won't keep anything from me. I told him that if this was the first time that I caught him in a lie, fine - but its not. How many 3rd/4th chances do I give until I start looking like a real fool. I told him that I am unsure where this relationship can go since I no longer have any trust in him. And that is where we are up to now - havent spoken since then.
Thank you everyone for your support - it has made me much stronger in holding my ground through all this! :love:
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Sweetie *Hug* It suck you have to go through this...:cry: just to let you know that you are not alone. You still have your family, friends, and US!It's not your insecurity that hurt the relationship it's HIM. He is the one not giving you the security you need, it's not your fault.The people who often blame other during a disagreemnet are the ones who can't take responsiblity of the negatives.
 
#64
You guys (girls!) are seriously the best. This is the first forum I have ever posted on and I can't believe that complete strangers take such an interest in helping others on here. Thank you all so much for helping me through this - I know without the advice of everyone here, I would probably just continued this cycle of lying and deception. Thanks to each and every one of you! :love:
 
#66
I only got halfway through your post. I couldn't take anymore. He is severely deceiving and disrespecting you. LOSE HIM! Trust me, it will not get any better if you marry the guy. You will only have knots in your stomach every day wondering and not trusting. Please dodge this bullet. A leopard never changes his spots. There are PLENTY of good men out there. I know, a barrage of cliches but they are very true!
 
#67
I'm a little late to this thread but I've been through this kind of crap, DO NOT BE A VICTIM! Get some therapy if you need help extricating yourself from this relationship - It is NOT easy but you will feel good about yourself for being strong and your Ilife will reflect that.
 
#68
and another thing, NEVER, EVER define your self worth by whether or not you have man in your life! you were fine before this weenie head, you'll be better without him. if he's not doing this to you, believe me, he will be doing this to his next future ex-girlfriend!
 
#69
sayhitoromes said:
A mini update - I confronted him and told him the advice that you guys gave me. I said that I know he went to the party that night, I saw the pictures, that I am sick of the lies. He said "i didn't lie, I did go to the precinct with my friend who got robbed, but i also went to the party. I didnt lie just left things out". I was like "whether you leave things out, or lie - IT IS DISHONESTY!!!" I mean, I just came home after a week of being out of town - he should be with me, esp since I was waiting up for him thinkin hes coming back soon (he left my house at midnight, and i waited up until like 3 am).
He even had the girl who's party it was, call me and tell me that my bf didnt stay at the party long:evil:. I told her straight up "i don't know why yr calling me, I don't have an issue with you. I have an issue with him. whether he was there 4 hours or 20 minutes, he should have let me know if I am home waiting up for him".
Long story short - I basically repeated a lot of what I read here. I told him that I deserved 100% honesty and better than what he was giving me. He accused me of snooping and even said that MY INSECURTY IS THE PROBLEM!!, and I told him that is the only way I find out the truth. I also told him this is HIS problem, don't turn it on me.
In the end, he said he was sorry fand that in the future he won't keep anything from me. I told him that if this was the first time that I caught him in a lie, fine - but its not. How many 3rd/4th chances do I give until I start looking like a real fool. I told him that I am unsure where this relationship can go since I no longer have any trust in him. And that is where we are up to now - havent spoken since then.
Thank you everyone for your support - it has made me much stronger in holding my ground through all this! :love:
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So now he turns his dishonesty into your insecurity? This toad can't own up to anything. Good for you for standing up to him....next time you speak I suggest you just end it. Being his age he is way too immature. Again, you deserve WAY better.
 
#70
You know what? He's just dumping the blame on you to appear as the victim if things get bad and he cheats, he can justify it by saying you're a paranoid psycho who never trusted him because you're insecure blah blah blah.

Dump him and move on, you deserve better. Besides, he's already gotten his few chances and pissed on them.
 
#72
I am afraid to say that if he went out on a date with someone that in my book IS cheating -

I actaully believe that if someone is chatting to someone in cyber space and through internet / on the phone etc over long periods and talk about meeting, and sexual stuff is also a form of cheating in my book .

I am so sorry ... I would not stay with him, I assure you that there is someone out there for you - i know its hard but I seriously think you need to get out of this relationship

{{hugs}}
 
#73
Hang in there, sweetie. As hard as it may be to break up now, the more years you invest in this relationship, the tougher it will get. There is a man out there somewhere who will treat you like a queen, and not lie to you (in my book, the lying is the biggest :mad: ). This sounds like a guy who is going to try to wear you down and make you doubt yourself. He does not have your best interests at heart. Someone who truly loves you will want the best for you, and it sounds like this guy is only out for himself. By sticking up for yourself now, you're going to develop some great emotional muscles that will serve you well the rest of your life. You will get through this and someday look back and be so relieved you didn't end up with this schmuck.

(Take it from someone who had to wade through relationships with a couple of emotionally abusive frogs before she found her Prince. :love: )
 
#74
SuzyZ said:
I'm a little late to this thread but I've been through this kind of crap, DO NOT BE A VICTIM! Get some therapy if you need help extricating yourself from this relationship - It is NOT easy but you will feel good about yourself for being strong and your Ilife will reflect that.
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After 25 years of marriage I totally agree. Once something like this enters a relationship you will never feel the same about him again. Even if you forgive you will never forget.
 
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#75
I define cheating as lying to you in any way shape or form. If you have an open and honest relationship, you should be able to tell each other anything. If either party feels they cannot be open, then its not meant to be. Why hide the fact that you are attracted to other people? I would have more respect for a man or woman who had sex with someone other than their SO and was open and honest about it than someone who lies and never said it happened. I think you need to find someone that will respect you by telling you the truth and you won't have to go snooping on their email accounts. To me that is very childish. BTW, I think he wanted to get caught leaving his email open for you to see more than one time.
 
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