Changes and Lifestyle and Guilt

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B

bubbles328

O.G.
Mar 16, 2010
50
16
#1
Wondering if I’m the only one who feels this way. I’ve loved purses my whole life. Just obsessed, always noticing them etc. Purchased the pouchette accessories; a Speedy 35 (not b) and a Neverfull mm (original, without a pouch) like a million years ago (2003-2006). Wore mostly the NF a whole lot.

Fast forward to now, in my mid-40s with 2 kids and a mostly work from home job. Been gravitating to small pretty bags like the Polene Beri, which I am buying soon-to carry my phone and a couple of cards. On the weekend, I tend to use a Le Pliage to bring water, snacks and a kindle to kid activities-and my pretty bags now live in my closet. They are hot stamped and I have no intention of selling, but am wondering-would my daughter be interested? Should I be buying more bags if all I ever leave the house for is the grocery store and the soccer field? I have so much guilt for both not using the old bags and buying new ones (albeit cheaper ones). Anyone else?
 
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#2
Don't feel guilty for buying bags you need for your everyday life! You, your needs and wants change with time and one day you will probably be happy you have you LV's that you can dig out of the closet and put your stuff in them or give them to your daughter. Your kids will grow faster than you think, and well - if my mum asked if I wanted her LV or Gucci I'd be thrilled! Just enjoy your bag life despite the phase where it's at right now.
 
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#3
I look at it like this, what pleasures in life are YOURS? (Besides your children of course) I am 41 with two young children and sometimes think should my money be spent on them or other things but then I think they get almost everything they want (not spoilt but you get what I mean) plus i work full time, I don’t smoke, I don’t drink and i don’t go out half as much as used to so actually why shouldn’t I buy the bags that I want. I do have a rule now though where I only buy bags that I will use. Sometimes it’s hard not buy beauties on a whim but that’s changing with time. Last year I sold quite a few bags and SLGs that I hadn’t or wouldn’t use. My daughter is 10 and she adores my bags as much as I do so if she wants to use any when she’s older, she can .. if I still have them of course.

I would only feel guilty if I wasn’t providing for my family or I needed to spend the money on other important necessities. Get the bags you do have out, take them places, rotate them. Don’t feel guilty for liking things, you’re still a woman, it’s part of our genetics :lol:
 
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#4
I haven‘t used my expensive bags much since my kids are now adults. The last couple of years, I’ve gravitated towards Coach, Kate Spade, Tory Burch, and Rebecca Minkoff. I have a couple of Marc Jacob’s bags on my radar. I have enjoyed them so much. I have no guilt because I got more than my use out of the others. I carried large bags when my kids were little and played multiple sports. When they were in middle and high school, I went to their games and meets carrying a crossbody.

Life changes and so do your needs. Who knows, maybe you will go back to them.
 
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#7
Hey! I’m also in my mid-40s, now working from home, with 2 kids, 5 and 9. I also don’t go out as much as I used to before pandemic, and even then it wasn’t a ton. 2 small kids, with not a ton of help because no family here and husband often works nights and sleeps days. At the time in my life when I was most social, I had one cheap bag at a time and didn’t care about such things at all. Why feel guilty about no longer using your old bags? It sounds like you have 3 that you used for going on 2 decades, sounds to me like you got your money’s worth out of them! And you might use them again later in life. It doesn’t sound like your spending is out of control (you know better than us, of course) or that your house is overflowing with bags. so far your use and buying sounds reasonable. From what you’ve written, you mostly use one functional tote and are going to buy one small bag. Do you know how many bags folks around here have, lol?

I don’t feel guilty. There’s already a lot I used to be able to do and can’t really right now because my life has changed. Am I also required to use the same bags forever? Now I do agree in mostly having bags that fit your lifestyle enough for you to actually use them. But you can use a Beri every now and then, and you could probably also find use for another fun or cute medium or larger bag in addition to your le Pliage. We aren’t beings of pure function, we can have beauty and cuteness and fun too, even if we have kids and work from home.
 
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#9
It depends on your family's overall income. If the money you are spending on bags is preventing you from taking your kids on trips or other fun activities that would enrich their lives, or even keeping you from saving for your retirement, etc., then guilt is not an inappropriate emotion. If you save properly, give your kids a good life and pay your bills, then there is no reason you shouldn't treat yourself. How much you spend on treating yourself is up to you and your budget. (Note that I am NOT saying that mothers can't have good things, I'm just saying that since we had kids, we have to put them first and make sure they are getting good things as well as us).

I will say that being on this forum seeing so many people focus on purses, does increase one's desire to also want them. I'm actually NOT as much of a "purse person" as compared to many folks here (I originally came on here for jewelry-related questions), but I am particular about what I carry and reading other people's thoughts etc. has started to make me even more particular about what I carry and what I want. Being part of a group (even an online one) makes one more inclined to think like the group. Keep that in mind. If you find that being on a forum makes you want to spend more than what is sensible for your income level, then get out while you still can. lol :smile:
 
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#10
Loving all these responses! I've been working for years now as a young professional but only recently did I start seriously investing in a grown up wardrobe and a style I think I would like to wear for many years, and all of this started with handbags. Investing in higher quality pieces wasn't something I did before but I started to recently. Now I'm married and I am thinking about life expenses and planning for the future, and this has come up in my mind a lot more. My family raised me with the immigrant, money guilt perspective on money - save as much as you can, don't buy anything you don't need, because anything could happen in the future. Now I'm trying to work on a healthy balance between enjoying and consuming for the present, and saving for the future. I have investments and savings and I want to save more now that I have a wardrobe and a bag collection I enjoy, but I also don't want to lose my identity and my personal interests and hobbies just to save more money. This is a mindset shift I've noticed in my parents as well. It's good to prepare for the future, but there's no point always foregoing present enjoyment by telling yourself you'll be happier in the future. When will that future come?

As far as bags go, I started collecting last year and I've tried to stick to a mental list of what I want. I feel like I've gotten everything I wanted, so I really don't want to buy anymore bags. I can still watch and enjoy handbag content, but the urge to buy is gone. There's no room, and there are other things I can use that money for. At some point, the value these bags will bring to my life is negligible. You will either use the bags the same way or not use them at all because you have too many. Too many bags can also be a negative instead of a positive. I say you can look at your collection and sell off ones you aren't enjoying anymore to invest in newer bags you will like, but you can also keep bags even if you're not using them if you can enjoy them solely as an art piece of collector's piece. Instead of feeling guilty, I think you can be more proactive in figuring out what you want and set some guidelines so you can enjoy bags and be financially responsible at the same time. I don't plan on buying bags for many years, but if something occasional comes up, I'm not going to punish myself for spending money or buying another bag. It's better to enjoy what you have and live happily.
 
#11
Regarding handing them to your daughter someday, she may want them, she may not. You can never tell what people will like in the future. Bags do deteriorate over time and fashions/styles change so they are not necessarily something that will hand-down well. They could, if you are taking good care of them and making sure they don't get mildew or dried out or other damage over time, but you just never know what people will like.

You do know what you like though so I wouldn't worry about anyone else using them in the future. Get what you like and can afford, but don't worry about justifying it past that.
 
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#12
Please don’t feel guilty. Bags bring you joy and your kids need to have a happy mommy!
As long as you spend your money according to your family needs, pay your bills, and provide for your kids, you should be able to have fun too!
And I agree, if you don’t go out, create these reasons to go out for yourself! Dinners with friends, picnics with kids. And who says you can’t be fashionable when you do your mommy stuff with kids?
Plus you’re traveling soon, more reasons to enjoy your pretty things and to take great pictures ❤️
 
#14
I totally understand. I have a young child but I still currently buy bags. I don’t need them, I just love having them. Bags are my hobby. Don’t feel guilty about not using them. Just enjoy them when you can or just by admiring them. It’s like looking at 3D photos lol. I try to rotate my bags by using them when working from home (lol), grocery shopping, coffee run, play dates, any kind of party, and shopping dates with girlfriends.
 
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