Monday, September 18, 2006 Celebrity Inc's Top 10 Useless Celebrities! #10 The Olsen Twins Famous for - Being twins Occupation - Actresses Useless Factor - 6 The Olsen Twins are famous for one reason only - being twins. This dates back to the very beginings of their career, in their Full House days. They got the job because they were twins. One was better at the verbal acting, while the other was more successful in the physical scenes. For the most part, after Full House was cancelled they should have gone away - but twins are just too goddamn cute to resist! they made about a trillion low budget films sold mainly to neglectful parents who preferred to force their kids to watch this crap rather than actually parent them... and the money starting rolling in! Of course that could only last for so long, kids started moving on - giant purple dinasours were much more entertaining. #9 Shiloh & Suri Famous for - Being born Occupation - Eating & Crapping Useless Factor - 4 There are important children being born around the world every minute - but their parents are famous so you'll never hear about them. I'm not saying these kids are actually uselss... but them being famous sure is. What you have to understand is that it's not all the fault of the "celebrity" in question, i mean, it takes two to tango. They are famous because we make them famous. It could be because the world's so ****ty these days that we'll look for any type of distraction. It's like we think Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise are going to produce babies that can walk through walls, or crap golden eggs. No offense to Baby Shiloh and Suri - but you two cuties are pretty useless. #8 Ashlee Simpson Famous for - Sister of Jessica Simpson Occupation - "Singer" Useless Factor - 7 It was hard for me to put Ashlee on this list because i think she's so damn cute - and if she could actually sing like her sister can, i wouldn't have added her... but she can't. At all. And as we all know being cute isn't a talent, just good genes(yes, i'm talking pre-surgery). It's a plain fact that Ashlee wouldn't be anything more than a cute chick if Jessica wasn't her sister, no one can argue that. It pains me to say it Ash... but you're useless. #7 Tara Reid Famous for - Being Drunk & Slutty Occupation - Actress Useless Factor - 6 I have to put Tara up there with the Olsen Twins - she acts, but is certainly not famous for acting. I think Tara is pretty much drunk as much as she possible can be. She even had a show on Wild On where she just went around to bars and got drunk with her slutty drunken friends. My favourite Tara moment was in an interview when she was crying because people were calling her a slut. Her slurrish and emotional response was, "Soooo... i get drunk and dance on top of tables in bars... geeeez, so what?" Okay, that wasn't the exact quote - but it was very similar, and it doesn't really help her argument. A big reason why Tara made the useless list was because she's totally let herself go. I mean, if you're going to be a useless, drunk slut... at least make sure you look good. #6 Britney Spears Famous for - Embarassing Herself Occupation - Singer Useless Factor - 5 A couple years ago Britney would have placed much lower on my Useless List, but these past few years have been a complete waste of everyone's time. The real issue here is that it's not all Britney's fault - but a lot of it is; Almost dropping your baby, letting him ride on your lap while driving without a seatbelt, careless and improper use of a car seat, saying you hate the media attention then doing interviews and naked magazine covers, getting married in Vegas then getting divorced, and then marrying the bigest dillhole this side of the galaxy... i mean c'mon, you're kind've asking for it. Britney, take K-Fag, move to Europe and stop being so goddamn useless. #5 Nicole Richie Famous for - Daughter of Lionel Richie Occupation - Avoiding food Useless Factor - 7 I actually like Nicole Richie(from what i've seen of her in interviews and such), she seems like more of a follower than an idiot... unless you think being a follower is an idiot. Her relationship with Paris Hilton sure helped her to become the useless twat she is now and the only thing saving her from ranking lower is her very talented father, Lionel. He's the complete opposite of useless. Nicole is so useless she can't even eat properly - she's useless at eating! Maybe it's not entirely her fault, Lionel apparently wasn't a very good father and was absent for most of the time. It's too bad, there might have been a chance of some of that talent rubbing off on Nicole in those developing years. Too late. #4 Reality Show Winners Famous for - Being the least worst Occupation - Various Useless Factor - 7 This doesn't apply to all reality show winners, just most of them. The problem with these goddamn reality shows is that they all spin off one another, getting ****tier and ****tier with every "original" idea. Sometimes the winner of one show will get his own ****ing reality show. The worst ever are the reality shows for used up, has been celebrities. What the hell is a person thinking when they sign up to do a show that's solely based on them looking like morons? Is the paycheck really that high? I guess everyone wants there fifteen minutes of fame - but does somone really deserve a million dollars for being a jack-ass? They should use kids from third world countries - 38 days on an island, living off off rice, fish and fresh water? That's a 5 star resort to those people... and i think they could use that money a little more. #3 Paris Hilton Famous for - Amateur Sex Tape/Hilton Heiress Occupation - Annoying everyone Useless Factor - 9 Big surprise here. Paris has made a lot of people's useless list, usually placing first, but even though she's annoying as hell and can't act or sing worth crap - she can still take a decent photo. I'm serious about that, Paris is extremely photogenic and has great bone structure... if she would have stuck to modelling she may not have made my list at all. Unfortunately we aren't that lucky. Paris seems to desperately need to be in eveyone's face all of the time(dressing like a whore in the process). To me, it's Paris' attitude that's completely useless... and she's dumber than retarded goat. Paris is a perfect example of someone who would definitely not be where she is without help from a famous name and a ton of money. In retrospect, Paris is the reigning Queen of uselessness. Congratulations.