Workplace Career prospects / love prospects (a question on location decisions)

mellecyn

O.G.
Feb 28, 2006
6,969
1,587
Hello all,
I´ve been working in a very large and great company, in a location that offers great employment benefits and work/life balance for many years now...
My work has always been the solid thing for me and it was very important to get a career....then got my dream job and stayed there...But now approaching 40 obviously I´m really in the asking of "what is the meaning of life?" and specifically living in a nice and safe location with respect and trust, but where I´m far from family and been dating for 10 years with no success (whereas people can never believe that I´m single...nice, sweet, attractive, and smart) but I can not connect with any man on a romantic level here. I meet great guys when I travel only but haven´t been able to sustain anything long distance.
Would you prioritize job or love prospects? (it´s only possibilities at this point of course...nothing would be guaranteed)
Also I´m considering changing career somehow....but don´t know how yet. Partly to allow me for more freedom. I´m torn when it comes to the corporate world...
 

ccbaggirl89

Member
Mar 26, 2015
7,404
10,653
i would prioritize the job, and look for that new job/career closer to your family. as we age the family bond(s) do become more meaningful (because we start to evaluate life and death more), and that's why so many single men and women start to feel unhappy and lost w/out a partner or marriage ; the realization hits that starting a family, or just being with someone is very important. you need a support system in life, whether it's a partner, lots of friends, or your family. it sounds like now could be a time to be closer to family for some support, and to explore some careers and jobs that move you nearer to them. i'd say sort out the career first and a rich dating life will likely follow - it's hard to work two major issues at once.
 

mellecyn

O.G.
Feb 28, 2006
6,969
1,587
i would prioritize the job, and look for that new job/career closer to your family. as we age the family bond(s) do become more meaningful (because we start to evaluate life and death more), and that's why so many single men and women start to feel unhappy and lost w/out a partner or marriage ; the realization hits that starting a family, or just being with someone is very important. you need a support system in life, whether it's a partner, lots of friends, or your family. it sounds like now could be a time to be closer to family for some support, and to explore some careers and jobs that move you nearer to them. i'd say sort out the career first and a rich dating life will likely follow - it's hard to work two major issues at once.
Thank you....you re right that must be mid life time. Now I realize I probably won't have a family of my own I'm starting to get way closer to my parents and sister. To me it would still be sacrificing my job life, as I said I'm in a privileged situation.
 

chicsylvie

Member
Feb 6, 2015
116
69
Why haven't you been able to sustain anything long distance? Are the guys you meet whom you find interesting coming from the same locales?
 
Jul 28, 2009
238
90
Orange County, CA
Please don't resign yourself to "never having a family of your own" just because of your age. If it's something you truly want there ARE ways, whether or not nature will allow you to carry a child yourself. Plenty of singles and couples have loving families built through fostering and adoption. You also may find a partner who has kids and could find "a family of your own" that way as well. Modern families are built through love and the opportunities surpass everything engineered by nature. It broke my heart to read that you thought this may not be possible just because of a number of days you've had on this earth.

I wouldn't move for the prospect of love but would move if you think the opportunities in general surpass the costs. No monetary value can be assigned to being close to family - it's up to you to determine where the value lies.

You say your work provides great benefits and work/life balance. Would a sabbatical be an opportunity which you can explore? Sometimes all we need is a reset to gain some clarity.
 

redney

Lovin' Life!
O.G.
Apr 21, 2006
13,769
3,487
I don't know, Mel. I've been on the PF with you a long time and it seems like during most of this time you haven't been happy with the dating/love situation in your current location. As a long term career woman myself I *totally get* where you're coming from re: career progression and success. BUT because you're not happy in another important area of your life, and haven't been happy in this area for a long time, could you evaluate a career "pause" to take the time to move where the dating culture is more conducive to your love life prospects?

Or, look into connecting with a recruiter in your desired country to find similar work there and relocate?

You seem to have been so dissatisfied and frustrated about the dating culture in your current location for so long that IMO it merits committing to make a change and see what happens. You'll never know if you don't try... And if for whatever reason could you move back or to another place? Time continues to march on so why continue to be miserable.

Best wishes :heart:
 

juneping

couch potato-ing
O.G.
Jun 11, 2007
17,798
902
NYC
i think you should look at it not as job vs love...more as how you want to live your life. if being close to family then you should move close to home.
if changing career is your dream, then do it as long as your have a financial safety net.
the corporate world, well, i can see why you're torn. i was going through something similar, doing well at the corporate and the benefits were great...but at the end of the day, the moment i was "perceived" not able to deliver while still met the demand, i was casted aside. i felt like a garbage, old newspaper, very unpleasant feeling. the career is not what you can build at that corporate world, it's what you can bring with you along your career path. the rest is BS.
sorry to bring up an old thread but i thought this is an interesting topic and want to join.

Hello all,
I´ve been working in a very large and great company, in a location that offers great employment benefits and work/life balance for many years now...
My work has always been the solid thing for me and it was very important to get a career....then got my dream job and stayed there...But now approaching 40 obviously I´m really in the asking of "what is the meaning of life?" and specifically living in a nice and safe location with respect and trust, but where I´m far from family and been dating for 10 years with no success (whereas people can never believe that I´m single...nice, sweet, attractive, and smart) but I can not connect with any man on a romantic level here. I meet great guys when I travel only but haven´t been able to sustain anything long distance.
Would you prioritize job or love prospects? (it´s only possibilities at this point of course...nothing would be guaranteed)
Also I´m considering changing career somehow....but don´t know how yet. Partly to allow me for more freedom. I´m torn when it comes to the corporate world...
 
Last edited:

mellecyn

O.G.
Feb 28, 2006
6,969
1,587
i think you should look at it not as job vs love...more as how you want to live your life. if being close to family then you should move close to home.
if changing career is your dream, then do it as long as your have a financial safety net.
the corporate world, well, i can see why you're torn. i was going through something similar, doing well at the corporate and the benefits were great...but at the end of the day, the moment i was "perceived" not able to deliver while still met the demand, i was casted aside. i felt like a garbage, old newspaper, very unpleasant feeling. the career is not what you can build at that corporate world, it's what you can bring with you along your career path. the rest is BS.
sorry to bring up an old thread but i thought this is an interesting topic and want to join.
Thanks :smile: actually yes the title should be how to live my life...No, actually what am I useful for if at the age of 40 I haven't managed to climb the corporate ladder (not interested in being a manager w all it's responsabilities I tried and felt so anxious I couldn't sleep) So I'm in this weird position where at my age you are usually a manager. But I'm on the ground with all the young employees. And i feel like I don't really belong there either....that deserves a new thread. So I haven't really achieved anything career wise.
Otherwise yes I'm gutted to not see my nephews growing up.
As for the financial safety net, i should have purchased property ages ago but I didn't. When I looked at it now, I couldn't fathom the idea of staying and committing another 3-4 years. So I just have my own savings that are meant for a down payment sometime somewhere.
I'm trying hard now to look at what else I'd like to do job wise. And leave my comfort zone. I'm not in a great place motivation wise right now.
 
  • Like
Reactions: juneping

Parisluxury

Member
Aug 1, 2014
303
201
OP are you able to share which city you are living in? I think it is hard to be far from family so if I were you I would consider moving closer. Also I read your other thread it seems like you want to change careers as well. Perhaps you should take some time off work unpaid leave and consider your options. I understand what you mean about not fitting in withy young people in ground level. I'm almost 40 as well and have managed to climb the ladder but it is certainly not for everyone and I think if I hadn't it wouldn't be easy to work side along with fresh grads n colleagues in their 20s. Are you sure you really do not want to go up in the organisation? Anyway, based on your comments I think you need to first figure out what you want career wise and then that will help with the location issue. Relationship wise how hard is it these days it really is I think location does matter but it isn't everything. Also meeting guys during holidays shouldn't be the benchmark too. It is a bit easier to meet new people and hang out when people are relaxed and on vacation. Do you have a group of friends where you are? I think you should try to broaden your social circle including women of course and be more active (not trying to suggest you are not of course). Things like join the gym, community clubs, meeting up with friends and their friends, going to church or other. I think one really needs to want it and think that it will happen. Also the other thing is expectation. I have some friends in similar situation and they have incredibly high standards I actually do not know any guy single and even married who actually meet those standards. Anyway OP I feel like this may be the start of a midlife crisis but take this opportunity to really assess what you want and then make a plan to achieve them. No easy feat of course. I really wish you the best OP
 

mellecyn

O.G.
Feb 28, 2006
6,969
1,587
OP are you able to share which city you are living in? I think it is hard to be far from family so if I were you I would consider moving closer. Also I read your other thread it seems like you want to change careers as well. Perhaps you should take some time off work unpaid leave and consider your options. I understand what you mean about not fitting in withy young people in ground level. I'm almost 40 as well and have managed to climb the ladder but it is certainly not for everyone and I think if I hadn't it wouldn't be easy to work side along with fresh grads n colleagues in their 20s. Are you sure you really do not want to go up in the organisation? Anyway, based on your comments I think you need to first figure out what you want career wise and then that will help with the location issue. Relationship wise how hard is it these days it really is I think location does matter but it isn't everything. Also meeting guys during holidays shouldn't be the benchmark too. It is a bit easier to meet new people and hang out when people are relaxed and on vacation. Do you have a group of friends where you are? I think you should try to broaden your social circle including women of course and be more active (not trying to suggest you are not of course). Things like join the gym, community clubs, meeting up with friends and their friends, going to church or other. I think one really needs to want it and think that it will happen. Also the other thing is expectation. I have some friends in similar situation and they have incredibly high standards I actually do not know any guy single and even married who actually meet those standards. Anyway OP I feel like this may be the start of a midlife crisis but take this opportunity to really assess what you want and then make a plan to achieve them. No easy feat of course. I really wish you the best OP
Thank you :smile: I tried going up the organization but it didn´t work. I was so stressed out, and my impostor feeling (not being good enough) was completely exacerbated.
I do appareciate your point about broadening my social circle....actualy at this point I have decided to move on, and focus (on my other thread) on my job, career, change of it....whatever and that will decide on location. I am trying to weight in these options while in my current situation. Work is still good so thats ok.