Calling all married ladies!!

  1. How did you keep your single GFs after you got married?

    My life changed so dramatically afterwards that maintaining friendships has been like pushing a rock uphill! A big rock, a big hill! I love them all still, but they don't seem to understand new homes, lifestyles, families, etc...

    I try not to let my life intrude on what is still special to them... making long trips for birthdays, holidays, even the occasional night out. But very few seem willing to slow down to my new pace - a dinner at home with us and a few people probably not being as exciting for them as a night at the bar, club, event, etc.

    What did you do? These gals are important to me, but I don't know how to do any more, and I'm not sure what I'm doing is enough. Help!!
  2. I was last to get married amongst my girlfriends, however, my guy friends were more upset that I wasn't around to be the token "girl" in the group anymore.

    My suggestion is to schedule a girls night/day out once a month....Drinks, dancing,shopping etc. This only works if your husband is completely trusting that he is the only one and just because you go out without him doesn't mean you don't have fun with him, KWIM? Most of my girlfriends lost their girlfriends after they were married because their husbnads were insanely jealous, not because they didn't want to hang out with the girls anymore....

    Also, call them regularly and talk about things that interest you as a girl...avoid talk of house hunting and decorating etc..they will not get it...

    I'm sure most of your GFs will be getting married in the near future...these things always happen in groups...and then you can be the guiding light for them.

    Oh and if you think it's weird now...wait till babies come into you can still talk as adults to each other...when kids come...if your freinds don't have might as will be a leper..:smile:
  3. LoL You are SUCH a beacon for me on this site, QM!!

    Thank you for such good advice. DH is pretty good with night out stuff, actually! It's SUCH a long haul to get back to my friends (did I mentioned I moved?? LoL) I'm usually the only gal doing it!

    But they're worth it. All your suggestions seem very, very do-able.

    I mentioned to DH recently that since all our friends are dedicated office gals and single (mine) or divorced and single (his) we need to find new friends that are married, DO have kids, and oh yeah... don't mind that we live so much further away from DC now LoL
  4. Most of my single girlfriends don't live in the same state as when I go back home, we all go out dancing and have a lot of fun. DH is very when I have my girls night out, he has his boys night out too. I have one single girlfriend that lives in the same state as me and we always go out shopping on's so evil coz we enable each other!
  5. My GF are all over the place too. One is in Maine, the other is in MD, another is all the way in Northern NJ. Try and take a weekend and book a hotel in DC to meet up. Go do all the things you used to do...(climb the Exorcist stairs one more time, go have dinner in Bethesda) I would book a hotel for a weekend and meet up with my friends in DC before the baby. ( I went to college there..and would move back in a heartbeat)
  6. Always make time for a girls night out with your single galpals..I have to say that after I got married..I did lose touch with alot of them.Part of life..We all grow in different directions...sigh....
  7. I used to have this problem too. My fiancee doesn't like me visiting my single girlfriends, because they all live in dormitories...and he doesn't trust the "frat guys" that will be hanging out at their college parties. He's a little jealous. He lightened up considerably though when he found out all the guys who party with my friends are guys I went to high school with.
  8. I hardly ever talk to my girlfriends from my single days any more and I miss them. Lives go in different directions and you get swallowed by your family.. well at least I have. Most of the women I'd call 'friends' now are ones that I have met through the kids' schools/playgroups/sports teams. They're not the same though, as the ones you knew before you had a fam... b/c they identify you as "X's mom".

    I'd have to say this is the biggest issue in my life right now - I have no close girlfriend's any more. Sometimes it makes me incredibly sad - and other times I think I've gotten so used to it and I'm too busy with my fam to even notice.

    Not sure if that helps your question at all??!!
  9. What do you consider a long haul to see them? Do you have enough room for them to stay the night with you? Perhaps have dinner, then go to a club near you. Go back to your place and crash out. Breakfast the next morning followed by some shopping??? Do that once a month, then try to do lunch or you go out with them on their turf occassionally too.
  10. I wouldn't even say that you have to go clubbing to reconnect! Try meeting them for lunch or dinner during the week. Or if they live out of state, plan a weekend away from your husband and visit with them. Call them on the phone, or take up emailing them once a week!
  11. Most of my girlfriends are married. The single ones live in a different state than I do and I see them when I go to visit or they come here to visit. We always have a great time. My married girlfriends and I also have a good time. We go out to lunch, dinner....the salon and of course shopping...all of the time. I haven't taken a 'girls only vacation' in a long while though. Most of my vacations are with my husband and children now. I do enjoy my girlfriend time though...I'd say we get together once or twice per month.
  12. the only single g/f I am still in contact with lives far away and has before I got married. honestly, I lost a lot of contact with girlfriends even before marrying, including my former best friend which has a long story though. I think it is just life. but I have to say that my mother told me similar stories when she already had children and didn't have time and everyone was so upset so she tried to manage it all. years later the same girls came to her and told her that they just didnt know how she did it (had children themselves in the meantime....).

    a friendship is give and take - so IMO it is not a case of trying to live up to their lifestyle but a case of meeting each other in the middle. this is just my experience but I started to question some of my friends when they had an issue with my life changing (other situations). at least you should mention it when you get a chance that it goes both ways.
  13. WC -
    You are so smart to realize that having zero gf's is a big issue.

    It is important to your happiness to keep some gf's in your life. You need to talk about emotional stuff that hubbies don't deal with well if at all. Girl stuff.

    It is also important that hubbies keep their guy friends.

    Outside friendships support the longevity of a marriage. There is less of an expectation or strain of being everything needed to the spouse.

    My sister and several friends dump always their gf's each time they get married. They become excessively needy to their husbands. Then they have no support or friends when the marriage starts to falter or end. Dumb.

    We single gals know the estrangement from our married gfs is mostly a matter of scheduling. You married gals have busy family evenings and weekends, espcially if you are a SAHM. SAHMs can't call us during the weekdays when they are free because we are at work. Evenings and weekends are when single gals catch up.

    I am happy to stay in contact w/ my married friends via email. Email can be sent any time of day.

    The other gals who talked about trying to get together once a month or so for shopping, etc, have given good tips. You married gals, esp if you have kids, need a break!

    Good luck to all gals - married or single = with maintaining a balanced life.
    It ain't easy.
  14. For Whistlerchick and everyone.
    Unfortunately, you have to be the one maintaining contact. Most single girls assume that when they call us, they are interfering with family time.
    Use email, the the phone or drop a card suggesting get togethers and let them know that you miss them.
    Also, when I have my single friends to my place I always include my husband. It gives them a chance to see that marriage hasn't changed you that much and it gives your husband time to be with your friends. With my guy, he can't handle it for a long time, so when its time to go out he just says "have fun" :yahoo:

    Also, to Whistlerchick- I assume you live in Whistler. Can't you get your single friends to visit you there? I know its changed lots but when I was single thats where we went to go out.
  15. As far in advance as you can, find out from your husband the dates of the most important televised intentional ball-throwing activities.

    These are dates that your absence will have the most minimal impact on him, to say the least.

    Armed with these dates, call your friends and plan a Day of Beauty. Or a Day of Group Retail Therapy. Or a Day of Goddessian Gluttony.

    Or blow it all out and make it a triple-whammy.