Boyfriend issue-PLEASE HELP:(

#16
I read your previous thread as well and I really think you need to end things with this guy. Sure, it will hurt for a while, but in the end you will be so much better off!

And Medhavini, you are a lot healthier (no where near overweight, the maximum weight for that height is 152!!) at 130 than at 100, which is underweight for your height!
 
#17
i agree with what everyone has been saying, he's a jerk! whether you leave him or not is your decision, nobody else can tell you what to do. however, if you do stay with him, be prepared for him to always behave like this. he does not give you what you need and that inadequacy will always be there. no matter how good you are, he will never change. if this is something you can live with, then stay with him. :sad:

good luck and i hope everything turns out. men are so icky, there are so few good ones out there.
 
#18
Bluebunny, he will never change, no matter how much you wish he would be more sensitive or more caring, he will never change unless HE wants to. From your previous thread and now this, I feel he is a jerk and that if you two get married, marriage won't solve the problems, but actually make it worse.
 
#19
I don't think you are overreacting at all. A significant other should be an unconditional support system. Doesn't sound like he is stepping up in your time of need. I would proceed with caution in this relationship.
 
#20
I too do not think you are over reacting in any way. He is being emotionally unavailable and on top of that he is telling you to go find someone else...maybe its time you did. Go out there and get the man you deserve!!!! Best of luck with the rest of med school and I know you'll find the right guy. Things may look bad now, but once you meet Mr. Right, you will be so happy you didn't stay with a completely insenstitive jerk who really didn't care that you got stuck and may have been exposed to diseases.
 
#21
I prolly would've reacted in the same way. If he's been doing things that haven't been supportive lately... I would talk to him about how he needs to be more supportive of you and not bother you about your weight (I bet you are stunning too!). If he refuses to meet you eye to eye then I say you would be much happier off without him in the long run. Best wishes *hugs*
 
#22
Okay.. So first i havn't read your other thread, but it's definitely obvious from what i read and the comments i read here that you are an extremely intelligent, PRETTY girl who has a lot going for her. I know that sounds stereotypical, but it's obviously the facts. This guy is obviously bad news... I'm unsure of how long you've been together.. but i was dating a guy for about 3 months long distance and he just became THE biggest *******. He was verbally abusive, and the most jealous person i've ever met by far. In three months time he acted like he owned my every move. When we broke up he called me EVERY horrible name EVER. And then some. He even went so far to insult me and calling me shallow and a 'mindless sheep' for all the 'ugly designer bags' i have. And i realized right in that instant that i did the right thing. NO respect.

Get rid of him!
 
#23
On top of all else that has been said, it sounds to me like this guy has basically checked out of the relationship. He is giving you some pretty clear signals through his indifference to your emotional trauma in addition to his comments about meeting his needs/you meeting your needs through someone else.

Try and get yourself "out there" so you can remember that you are a desirable woman who can do better!
 
#24
Okay, i just read your first thread and HOE-LEE S***T. Dump this d**k! Seriously. This guy is BAD news. BAD. BADBADBADBAD.

Now time for my story! All my life i was overweight. When i was 15 i weighed about 175-180 on a doctors scale.. For whatever reason, i finally was totally decided to lose the weight.. for a variety of reasons. This was in May right before my 16th birthday. At the time i have been dating a guy for about a year who totally loved me for me, and whom the weight didn't bother. He was, of course, supportive, however. I started to lose weight. blahblahblah, time goes on. By December i am just under 120 lbs and very malnourished. In January i started seeing a nutritionist. In March i was sent to the hospital and diagnosed anorexic. My point? I had a lifetime of people telling me i was FAT. A lifetime of people giving me advice on how to lose weight. And it's destroyed my life. I've gained some weight back, but it's my sanity that is still all gone. And everyday is still a constant battle. My weight continues to go up and down and up and down. I lost my boyfriend (whom after our relationship looked about 10 years older from all the stress, mind you), all my friends, and my family's trust. Oh, and basically every last bit of confidence i had (which was ALOT, i was always okay with my weight, mostly..)

DUMP THIS GUY! You cannot allow toxic people in your life! Period.
 
#26
While I haven't read your previous story/posts, this one was quite amazing. You sound like a brilliant, sensative woman with a wonderful career and life ahead of you. Don't settle.

I was married for 8 years to a guy that was completely insensative to my moods, needs, emotional happiness. He was otherwise a fine husband, right? He went to work every day, never considered cheating on me or treating me badly. But whenever I needed him, he disappeared emotionally.

I ended up feeling so alone, and abandon, even though we rarely spent a night apart, that I ended up gaining 50 lbs (5'5" 185 lbs) and was miserable. Finally, I lost the weight, lopped off all my hair, got a tattoo and begged him to get therapy so we could communicate. He refused, he never saw his lack of support as a problem. I was devestated and did the unthinkable, I had an affair. It was the worst thing ever and my husband and I split shortly thereafter.

But all the signs of our lack of communication, his inability to provide what I needed in the way of emotional support, where there from before we married. I wish I had a big sister or older, wiser friends that could have helped me recognize the signs of long term incompatibility.

If you see them know, I'm guessing they'll just become more magnified over time, polarizing you two even more.

Think about your true needs and if he is really able to meet them.

Best wishes to you!!! :flowers:
 
#27
Irishgal said:
Ask yourself this question, and you have to answer it honestly, in your heart.

"Am I better with than without this person"?
Think about this for a while. When you find the person that you say "yes, I am a better, happier, healthier person with him/her", that is the one.
Good luck.
Click to expand...

I totally agree. We can't answer this for you, but seems you are close to answering it yourself.

{{HUGS}}
 
#28
We can't help you if you don't help yourself-here you are, trying to keep going through the medical maze, with a non-supportive boyfriend who lives somewhere else and has diametrically different basic core values than yours-a friend of mine once said, "bloom where you are planted", and I hope you will look at the people you interact with everyday, and your family, and come to realize that trying to juggle all this will sap your strength and energy and for what? You know you're going to have to make a decision, remember change is good and inevitable...
 
#29
Bluebunny: I sent you a PM. :yes:

Medhavini: Thank you for telling your story. It was very brave of you. I hope you found someone who will appreciate a special person like you!:cutesy:
 
#30
Bluebunny, my heart is breaking listening to your story! Please stop torturing yourself with someone who is so disinterested in you. He is being passive so that you will break up with him so he doesn't look like the "bad guy." It's the ultimate in laziness with people who do this.

Please continue to focus on what is important to you, which is completing your medical training. I GUARANTEE that you will find someone who will completely blow away this poor excuse for a man in a heartbeat when you least expect it.

I have a new mantra for you. Repeat it after me: "I AM WORTHY!" And don't settle for anything less. This dirtbag does not deserve to have you. Don't think for a split second that he does.

Sending you hugs over the Internet ...
 
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