birthday party invite help

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  1. so my son who is in pre k said he wants everyone in class to come except 1 boy . this boy pushes and hits my son so i can see why he would not want him at the party . the problem is i feel so bad to not invite 1 kid from his class how can i do that i feel so bad. i told my son i was going to invite the boy and my son said no way he cant come if he comes im going to hide under my bed . what would you do ? i feel like inviting him and just hope he does not show up
     
  2. Honestly... Mail invites to the kids he wants to come
    I wouldn't invite someone my kid was scared of.... Just make sure u mail invites and whatever u do DONT send into school
     
  3. I totally agree with Beach Bum!
     
  4. i do not have anyones info so i would have to hand them out .
     
  5. If you really invite everyone else in the class, then I would invite this kid also, BUT, I would talk to his parent about the situation. Most schools have policies (not that they can really do anything about them...) that you can't exclude just a couple of kids, and I would just feel bad about leaving out one kid, even if he's a bully. I think at that age, parents will expect to be at the party as well, so they'd be there to keep an eye on their child. It might actually help your son's relationship with him.

    I will say, though, that I think that's likely too big a party for a pre-k child. They recommend one guest per year of age (e.g., turning 5 = 5 guests). I'd probably urge him to pick just a few children that he plays with most often, both from in and out of school, and have a smaller get-together. Less work for you as well! My son just started preschool, and maybe by his birthday in spring we'll be at a point where I'll have to worry about inviting classmates, but at this point, I wouldn't bother inviting any of them, except the couple of kids he knew before school started.
     
  6. Maybe speak to the school to see if they will mail them out for you or provide addresses? I agree with beach bum as well, don't ruin your son's special day because you want to spare the bully's feelings
     
  7. If you are inviting everyone, then it's only right to invite that one boy your son doesn't like. I would talk to my son and teach him that in life there are people whom we like and people whom we don't but we have to learn how to deal with such people. Although he can be a bully, I don't think he can bully your son at the party.

    Else, just invite a few good friends for his party.
     
  8. ita
     
  9. I absolutely agree. There is no need to invite a child who bullies your son. Send the invites through the mail and don't involve the school, but don't ruin the party for your son by inviting someone he is afraid of.
     
  10. ^but OP has said that she would hand them out (I'm assuming at school). Handing the invitations out at school, where everyone is invited except for one kid, is in poor taste. If she's handing them out at school, I think she should invite the boy. How about scaling back the size of the party so that it's just a few really good friends? That way, you're not excluding just one kid.
     
  11. Speaking as a primary school teacher...I just cringe whenever I see a student handing out birthday invitations at school! It is heartbreaking to see the sadness on a child's face when they realize that they are one of the few not invited to a party. I would suggest talking to your son about his reason for not wanting this boy at his party. If it's because the boy is a bully, tell your child that he should be invited too even if he is a bully. Explain your reasoning by asking your son how he would feel if everyone in his class got invited to birthday party except him. Afterwards, be sure to praise/ tell your son about how proud you are of him if he does agree to invite the boy. However, if your son still chooses to exclude this child, I would recommend contacting your son’s teacher about getting mailing addresses. Your child’s teacher can simply contact the parents to get their permission to give you addresses for the birthday invitations.
     
  12. If your son is miserable because this boy bullies him, I would not subject my son to him at home. It's his birthday party and he should get to choose who attends and who doesn't.

    I'm a little harsher but in life you aren't going to like everybody and not eveyone is gonna like you. The bully isn't doing himself any favors by being mean. I do not think you have to try to force people to like each other.

    I think the other posters have the best idea, which is to make the party a little smaller and pick one or two people in the class that you want to invite and then get their personal information during drop offs or hand it to their parents.
     
  13. #13 Oct 18, 2010
    Last edited: Oct 18, 2010
    i say this is a good lesson to help teach your son - yes the other child bullies him (which shows that the child is in need of something, be it attention/love/kindness). your son doesn't have to like the other child, but it teaches him to show him respect any way.

    handing out invites to every child in the class EXCEPT that child would be crushing, perhaps that is why he has the issues he does have??

    if that other child shows up and is in your home, that gives you the opportunity to see how he acts and treats your son and it also allows you to perhaps talk to his parents.

    **my sons' school won't let you exclude anyone if you are handing invites out at school, there have to be enough for the class or you can't do it.
     
  14. my kids schools won't allow invites to be handed out unless the entire class is included. you can request a class list from the office and mail the invites to the selected kids. or just invite the whole class. it's likely if this child and your son don't get along, the child won't want to come anyhow. and if he does, i highly doubt there would be a problem with all the parents there and a whole group of kids. i wouldn't worry. you have to let your son know, he can either invite the entire class, or make a smaller list of close friends. i don't think it is right to invite the entire class less one. but that's just me. it's your party, so you can do as you wish. just don't hand them out in person unless everyone is included. it is really rude to hand out unless all are invited.

    i always invite the entire class. for the most part, 75% have attended. the party places we use usually have a set price for 12 kids or so and then each additional child is $XX amount. my kids have had 12-20 kids at their parties. and not all kids are best buddies, but they are classmates and all have had fun. never had a problem as all parents stay and handle their own children's behavior.

    have fun at the party!
     
  15. i can really understand why your son doesn't want him there, but maybe if the bully is invited, he will have a change of heart. you never know with kids. :smile:

    i agree that you should not hand out the invitations at school and not invite this boy. if he's absolutely not going to be invited, then mailing them is the only way to go. but please remember that if the bully feels left out, it may cause him to act out even more towards your son. not that it's a reason to invite him (out of fear or something) but killing someone with kindness sometimes works out. :yes:

    i also agree that maybe you should talk to the parents of the boy who is bullying your son?