BF takes relationship for granted

[msleex3]

What should you do when your boyfriend takes you for granted?

 

[kattiepie]

I was in this predicament a couple days ago..
and we are currently not together.
I decided that we both needed time to reevaluate our priorities.
Because I was getting the message that I was no longer one of his.
Good luck to you- this is such a hard situation...

 

[miamialli]

whoosh. what a loaded question.
i guess it depends. you could a) drink a glass of wine w/ sugar cookies (my personal cure for the blues) b) buy a realationship book c) bring it up to him and see if he even knows or, *sigh*, d) leave him?
I feel bad for you, I know what that feeling is like and it sucks.

 

[msleex3]

whoosh. what a loaded question.
i guess it depends. you could a) drink a glass of wine w/ sugar cookies (my personal cure for the blues) b) buy a realationship book c) bring it up to him and see if he even knows or, *sigh*, d) leave him?
I feel bad for you, I know what that feeling is like and it sucks.

thank you for both of the responses.

see, when i bring it up with him, he does the *Sighs exasperatedly* *closes eyes* *has the "whatever, keep talking, i'm just amusing you by pretending to listen* and then just ignores me. i end up getting so frustrated that i stop talking, and then he pulls me to him as if everything is ok. it's not.

i guess he just doesn't care anymore -- that is such an awful, awful thing to realize, especially when i care so much for him, still. how did this happen?

 

[glistenpearls]

i'm very sorry to hear about what happen.

my ex husband used to take the marriage for granted.
he never make any effort to help me clean the house. when we had arguments, he doesnt want to talk about it. he will have a long sigh everytime i asked him to help wash the dishes (cos I will interrupt his PS2 games). he play his PS2 all night long everyday, so i always sleep before him. i can count with my fingers how often we went to sleep at the same time (mostly becos hes not feeling well). then he never remember to pay his bills. i actually have to write a reminder to remind him on my diary, and when i completely forgot about it, he will complain about the late charges...the lists go on!

please re-evaluate your relationship before its too late. i thought i was winning when i can do whatever i want (meaning he doesnt even care what take out we ordered as long as he doesnt have to choose, that means i can choose whatever i feel like eating) and so on. But in the end I got so sick of it cos i did everything for him and never receive anything back.

my hubby-to-be is the total opposite . as bad as it sounds, i'm glad i filed for that divorce because otherwise i wouldnt have met someone who deserves me. and girly, so do you. you deserves so much more, much more than you think.

sorry for the long post

 

[mello_yello_jen]

thank you for both of the responses.

see, when i bring it up with him, he does the *Sighs exasperatedly* *closes eyes* *has the "whatever, keep talking, i'm just amusing you by pretending to listen* and then just ignores me. i end up getting so frustrated that i stop talking, and then he pulls me to him as if everything is ok. it's not.

i guess he just doesn't care anymore -- that is such an awful, awful thing to realize, especially when i care so much for him, still. how did this happen?

ahh I'm going through the SAME EXACT THING!! And my bf reacts the same way as your's

I have no idea how it happened to us either but I definitely know how you feel. Please know you're not alone!! I'm absorbing everything that has been said and is going to be said in this thread and applying it to my relationship.

 

[msleex3]

i'm very sorry to hear about what happen.

my ex husband used to take the marriage for granted.
he never make any effort to help me clean the house. when we had arguments, he doesnt want to talk about it. he will have a long sigh everytime i asked him to help wash the dishes (cos I will interrupt his PS2 games). he play his PS2 all night long everyday, so i always sleep before him. i can count with my fingers how often we went to sleep at the same time (mostly becos hes not feeling well). then he never remember to pay his bills. i actually have to write a reminder to remind him on my diary, and when i completely forgot about it, he will complain about the late charges...the lists go on!

please re-evaluate your relationship before its too late. i thought i was winning when i can do whatever i want (meaning he doesnt even care what take out we ordered as long as he doesnt have to choose, that means i can choose whatever i feel like eating) and so on. But in the end I got so sick of it cos i did everything for him and never receive anything back.

my hubby-to-be is the total opposite . as bad as it sounds, i'm glad i filed for that divorce because otherwise i wouldnt have met someone who deserves me. and girly, so do you. you deserves so much more, much more than you think.

sorry for the long post

thank you.
he plays his computer games whenever i'm over (it didn't used to be like this...but after he moved out into his own apartment, that's all he seems to be doing), and after games, he's too tired and finally joins me on the couch and lies down with me, and then is asleep or gets frustrated/upset with me if i try to talk to him, because he's too tired.
my guy friends have said "he's gotten too comfortable" or "he's taking you for granted," and my girl friends have basically said the same thing, too.
i love him. god, i love him so, so much. and it breaks my heart because i've put so much into this relationship, and now it seems like it means nothing to him.

 

[glistenpearls]

t
my guy friends have said "he's gotten too comfortable" or "he's taking you for granted," and my girl friends have basically said the same thing, too.

thats what everyone been telling me before too, i totally understand when you feel extra bad cos you have so much feeling for him and others seems dissing him.

just remember we are so blinded by love sometimes, and others can see what we cant.

hugs for you msleex3 . i hope you can work it out.

Take care..

 

[*jennifer*]

msleex3, sorry to hear about this. sometimes having a bit of time and space apart can help guys (and girls, it goes both ways!) realize how good they had things. if he isn't listening when you try to talk to him, i'd probably try a break. you should always feel like a priority in his life amongst all his other commitments. good luck, and i hope it works out.

 

[madamefifi]

ITA with *jennifer*. It's time to withdraw your affection! This does not neccessarily mean breaking up with him--just quit being at his beck and call! Why should you sit around his apartment while he's playing computer games? Start making other plans for those nights when otherwise you'd just be hanging out at his place. Doesn't matter what---out with the girls or just home alone giving yourself a mani/pedi. DON'T call him and DON'T answer your phone if he calls, no matter how hard that may be. Either he will start to miss you and realize he's been taking you for granted---or he won't. You still win, you know.

 

[mellecyn]

I think there is a difference between getting comfortable in a relationship and taking things for granted. As the first is only natural and we have to be careful to not get too boring, the second is just lacking of respect and consideration for you. Men tend to get comfortable and it´s often us women who question our relationship whenever we feel something is wrong or missing. But if he doesn´t listen (and I know Guys hate arguments) to you, and realizes how serious this is to you, then you need to get to the next level to make him understand that. If you live in 2 different appartments then it´s easy, just don´t visit him, like MadameFifi said "withdraw your affection".
You need to get going and do your own hobbies and interests, just focus on yourself, go shopping, go out with your girlfriends.
That distance is necessary for him to understand you´re not his "thing", and for you to think.....

 

[TammyD]

I was in a situation like this 4 years ago, before my husband. And I say this, girl. He does NOT deserve you. Think about it before you let him take advantage of you any further.

 

[msleex3]

thank you. thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your responses. i am so, so touched by everyone's advice and support.
for the girls who are in a similar situation, i'm also sorry that you're feeling down . i personally don't think anyone should be treated this way (which explains why i'm so upset), and so i hope your boyfriends/SO wisen up and treat you the way you deserve.

for all the girls who offered me advice (which is pretty much all of you), thank you so much.
last night (monday night) he asked me to come over to watch football with him, and usually i would, but i had to teach that night so i had to turn it down. i know he's going to be playing a computer game tonight (he and his friends from a forum [i can't get upset with him for the forum -- i'm on one quite a bit! ] usually plan out days of the weeks to play a certain computer game), and he had asked if i would mind just hanging out and watching him play. at first, i was going to say that it was OK, but then i started wondering why i would put myself through that situation, especially when i feel neglected afterwards. so tonight, i'm going out with a couple of girlfriends of mine who i haven't seen in forever (i just started college, and my girlfriends all moved away for college), and wednesday night, i'm probably going to see another friend.

it's difficult, because when i talk to my friends, quite a few of them will automatically bash him (understandably--because they're my friends and so they're protective of me), but i don't want that because i know that he's a good person. we were sooooo close, too, but that seems to be forever ago, before he moved out and when he played less computer games -- so i know that deep down, we're both still compatible and "fit" together well.
if i talk to my guy friends about it, they're biased in a way, and want me to automatically break up with him "to give the other guys a chance." i don't WANT to break up with him, because i don't want to just desert something when it becomes difficult!

so from reading all the posts, i think i am doing the "right" thing right now by spending more time with my friends and being less readily available to him. i don't want to break up with him or take a break or anything, but i do want him to appreciate me and cherish me.

this doesn't require for me to break up with him, right? or even to tell him that "i'm taking a break from you"? i can just do my thing, and hope that he realizes he misses me.

thank you ladies so, so much . it's going to be hard (i've always been the one who will drop her own plans when the BF needs assistance), but i'll try my best

 

[Megs]

It sounds simple, but it is not- follow your heart. I think in relationships we all start to feel so comfortable and get 'used' to one another that we may think this is normal treatment. It is not! You deserve to be treated like a princess, like his princess. All of us deserve that- and they deserve to be treated well back. Just take time to think if you are truly happy. Good luck

 

[Kimm992]

ITA with *jennifer*. It's time to withdraw your affection! This does not neccessarily mean breaking up with him--just quit being at his beck and call! Why should you sit around his apartment while he's playing computer games? Start making other plans for those nights when otherwise you'd just be hanging out at his place. Doesn't matter what---out with the girls or just home alone giving yourself a mani/pedi. DON'T call him and DON'T answer your phone if he calls, no matter how hard that may be. Either he will start to miss you and realize he's been taking you for granted---or he won't. You still win, you know.

I agree with this advice.

If he starts to realize what he's missing then his behavior should hopefully change and if he doesn't then at least you know he doesn't deserve you and you can move on.

Either way you end up with a resolution!!

Good luck!!