Best Quotes

  1. "If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life."-Brooke Shields

    As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert

    "A day without sunshine is like, you know, night."

    "Please provide the date of your death."
    -from an IRS letter

    "I was under medication when I made the decision to burn the tapes."
    -Richard (Dicky) Nixon

    We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
    -Lee Iacocca

    "A verbal contract is not worth the paper it's written on."
    -Samuel Goldwyn

    Helpful Warnings: "CAUTION: Knife is very sharp. Keep out of children"

    "The people in the Navy look on motherhood as being compatible with being a woman."
    -Rear Admiral James R. Hogg

    "Caution: Cape does not enable user to fly."
    -Batman costume warning label

    "The private enterprise system indicates that some people have higher incomes than others."
    -Gerry Brown

    "I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them."
    -George Bush

    "I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version."
    -Colonel Oliver North, from his Iran-Contra testimony

    "We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover."
    -Parish Magazine

    "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally."
    -Nguyen Co Thatch, Vietnamese foreign minister

    "The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
    -Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

    "Fiction writing is great, you can make up almost anything."
    -Ivana Trump, on finishing her first novel

    "I've read about foreign policy and studied, I now know the number of continents."
    -George Wallace, 1968 presidential campaign

    "We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
    -Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC instructor

    The world is more like it is now then it ever has before.
    Dwight Eisenhower

    Eight more days and I can start telling the truth again.

    -- Sen. Chris Dodd (D, Conn.), on the Don Imus show, on campaigning
    "The Stupidest Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras

    If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very low crime rate.
    -- Marion Barry, mayor of Washington, D.C.
    "The Stupidest Things Ever Said By Politicians" - by Ross and Kathryn Petras

    Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again.
    Sen. Barbara Boxer, (D, Calif.)

    " Would you like to become a regular on the show? Barry Goldwater: No, thank you. I'd much rather watch you in bed with my wife.

    You know, if I were a single man, I might ask that mummy out. That's a good-looking mummy!
    -- President Bill Clinton, looking at the recently-discovered Inca mummy "Juanita"

    You read what Disraeli had to say. I don't remember what he said. He said something. He's no longer with us.
    -- Bob Dole

    I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. -- President George Bush

    You can't just let nature run wild.
    -- Wally Hickel, former governor of Alaska

    The spontaneous rally will begin at 1:45.
    -- Mike Murphy, adviser to Lamar Alexander

    I cannot tell you how grateful I am -- I am filled with humidity.
    -- Gib Lewis, speaker of the Texas House

    Dan Quayle Quotes

    (extending his hand during a campaign stop): I'm Dan Quayle. Who are you?
    Woman: I'm your Secret Service agent.

    "It isn't pollution that is hurting the environment,
    it's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
    -Dan Quayle

    "If we don't succeed we run the risk of failure."
    -Dan Quayle

    "We are not ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
    -Dan Quayle

    "Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that
    is by itself. It is a --it is different from the other 49 states. Well,
    all states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation."
    -Dan Quayle

    "It is wonderful to be here today in the great state of Chicago" - Dan Quayle

    It's time for the human race to enter the solar system!
    -- Dan Quayle, on the concept of a manned mission to Mars

    "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    -Dan Quayle

    "What a waste it is to lose one's mind.
    Or not to have a mind is being very wasteful. How true that is."
    -Dan Quayle

    -Dan Quayle
  2. The Quayle-isms are classic! Love those. Here's another George "dubaya" Bush-ism:

    "nothing is more important than the bondage between parent and child"
  3. lol, I love popular/famous quotes. Hm. Off the top of my head. . .

    "You don't get old by living, you get old by losing interest."

    "Death is not the most tragic thing. The most tragic thing is what dies inside of you while you're still alive."

    Hope I remembered those right O_o

  4. Gotta Love G.W.
  5. heres a couple more:

    rumors of my demise have been greatly exxagerrated.
    - Mark Twain (hope I quoted that correctly!)

    "either that wallpaper goes, or I go"
    - Oscar Wilde's last words while on his deathbed
  6. Haha.. thanks for posting. I needed a good laugh [​IMG]
  7. "I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix."
    -Dan Quayle

    I spit my pop out laughing when I read that one!:lol::lol::lol::lol:
  8. "I always listen to 'NSYNC's Tearin' Up My Heart. It reminds me to wear a bra."
    --Britney Spears

    She needs to listen to that song more often.
  9. LOL!!

    She actually said that?! [shakes head] tsk tsk, Britney, tsk tsk.
  10. Heehee, those remind me of the church bulletin mistakes I read in "Dear Abby" years ago.

    I'm not sure if they are real, but they're really funny, and I just found them again online :smile:

    1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help. [SIZE=+1]

    2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.[/SIZE]

    3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.[/SIZE]

    4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.[/SIZE]

    5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.[/SIZE]

    6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.[/SIZE]

    7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.[/SIZE]

    8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.[/SIZE]

    9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.[/SIZE]

    10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.[/SIZE]

    11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.[/SIZE]

    12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.[/SIZE]

    13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.[/SIZE]

    14. A bean supper well be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.[/SIZE]

    15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.[/SIZE]

    16. The Reverend Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]17. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    18. During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit.[/SIZE]

    19. With a smile on his face, the pastor listened as the church choir sang the traditional hymn, "How Great Thou Art", as the rather large casket of the over 500 pound parishioner was wheeled out of the church. (submitted by Michael J. Lee, Website, Email)[/SIZE]

    20. Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith. (submitted by Rick Moore, Website, Email)[/SIZE]

    21. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.[/SIZE]

    22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.[/SIZE]

    23. The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"[/SIZE]

    24. A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me." (submitted by Luella Long)[/SIZE]

    25. Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."[/SIZE]

    26. The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]27. A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    28. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]29. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.[/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    30. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.[/SIZE]

    31. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.[/SIZE]

    32. The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.[/SIZE]

    33. Today, Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1pm-8pm. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.[/SIZE]

    34. Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"[/SIZE]

    35. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    36. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    37. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.[/SIZE]

    [SIZE=+1]38. Evening massage -- 6 p.m.[/SIZE][SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    39. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    40. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    41. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    42. Ushers will eat latecomers.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    43. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    44. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    45. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why.'[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    46. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    47. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    48. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones.[/SIZE]
    [SIZE=+1][/SIZE] [SIZE=+1]

    49. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.[/SIZE]
  11. :lol: :lol: :lol:
  12. I love these Zen Sarcasm quotes !

    1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just leave me alone!
    2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
    3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
    4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
    5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
    6. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
    7. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
    8. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
    9. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
    10. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
    11. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
    12. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
    13. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
    14. Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.
  13. Trying to forget someone you loved is like trying to remember someone you never met.
  14. ayla and northernbelle - I was laughing so hard - tears are still coming out of my eyes!
  15. "Money may not buy happiness, but it can damn well give it!"
    ~ Freddie Mercury ~

    "Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed, and a jackass who pays for everything." ~Paris Hilton~
    (hard to believe Paris could form such a coherent statement!)