Best celebrity quotes from the Academy Awards!

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    "This is the only naked man that will ever be in my bedroom."
    – Melissa Etheridge, clutching her Oscar and reveling in her win for Best Song backstage


    "I noticed everybody's having a hard time with the Oscar and what to do with it. So I came up with this backstage. It's an Ellen Oscar Bjorn. When you go to the parties later, you'll have your hands free to shake hands or drink."
    – Host Ellen DeGeneres, revealing her strategy for carrying around the heavy award at the post-show parties


    Even though I honestly did not plan on doing this, I guess with a billion people watching it's as good a time as any."
    – Vice President Al Gore, pretending to announce his bid for the White House in 2008 after Leonardo DiCaprio egged him on
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    "I was just backstage with Jack Nicholson and Vice President Al Gore drinking. I don't think he's running for president. My apologies."
    – George Clooney, completing Al Gore's faux candidacy announcement


    "Could you double check the envelope?"
    – Martin Scorsese, receiving his Best Director trophy after being passed over for the award five times prior


    "So now we're here to present another award for something short."
    – Jaden Smith, 8, joking with presenter Abigail Breslin about having to present the Best Animated Short Film and Best Live Action Short Film awards
  3. Haha :nuts: :roflmfao: Briliant. I love Ellen. Melissa is to much. :p
  4. lol! Those were funny!
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    "Helen Mirren and an Oscar will be coming home with me."
    – Will Ferrell, John C. Reilly and Jack Black, singing about netting a future Oscar and seducing Best Actress winner Helen Mirren


    "Sound editing is very much like sex. It's usually done alone, late at night, surrounded by electronic gadgets."
    – Steve Carell, presenting Best Sound Editing with Little Miss Sunshine costar Greg Kinnear


    "Dame Judi Dench is not here tonight. She's having 'knee surgery' on her eyes."
    – Ellen DeGeneres, jokingly explaining the Best Actress nominee's absence from the ceremony
  6. This one really cracked me up:


    "Visual effects: They enable us to see aliens, experience other universes, move in slow motion or watch spiders climbing high above the city landscape. For me, just a typical weeknight in the mid '90s."
    – Robert Downey, Jr., presenting the award for Best Visual Effects and referencing his drug-addled past
  7. I LOVE R.D. Jr. He's an amazing actor, and crazy-sexy.
  8. This is Hysterical ! Great thread !! :wlae:
  9. I agree Prada!
  10. I love this!! I actually really didn't find the Oscars too boring this year. ellen did a great job IMO.
  11. thank you-I got a kick out of them all!
  12. I found this feature on bad Oscar acceptance speeches:

    It is a truth universally acknowledged that the majority of Academy Award recipients are totally incapable of delivering a decent acceptance speech. How ironic considering that these people are in the entertainment business. More often than not, it's adieu wit! Farewell wordplay! Laters bon mot! There have been exceptions: Jessica Yu, Best Documentary Short Subject winner, quipped at the podium: "You know you're in new territory when you realise your outfit cost more than your film." Sublime.

    Invariably, most winners resort to the 'shopping list' and, desperately racing against the clock, reel off a plethora of names that mean absolutely nothing to anyone but themselves ("I want to thank Billy Smith, Cheryl Jones, Peggy Sue Thompson..."). There's also a great deal of thanking God (mostly by the Americans) - mercifully not to the excruciating extent of The Grammys.

    Let's not forget the recipients who, carried away by their victory, have a nervous breakdown at the microphone. Sorry ladies, but our sex tends to dominate this category. Just off the top of my head, I can remember an urge to puke after Gwyneth Paltrow spouted her load of nonsense; Julia Roberts and Halle Berry induced similar emotions. We name and shame Oscars' awful speech-makers in our gallery. But first, over to Gwyneth, (Best Actress, Shakespeare In Love, 1998) and her vomit-inducing speech in full, glorious Technicolor...
    (To be fair, some members of her family were having health problems at the time.)

    "Oh, I would like to thank the Academy from the bottom of my heart! I would like to thank Emily Watson and Fernanda Montenegro, and my friend Cate Blanchett and the greatest one who ever was, Meryl Streep. I don't feel very deserving of this in your presence, but I would like to thank Harvey Weinstein and everybody at Miramax Films for their undying support.

    I wouldn't be in this auditorium, let alone up here, if it wasn't for two incredibly talented men; our director John Madden, thank you so much for all that you gave me, you are so inspiring, and to my soulful partner, Joseph Fiennes who I share this with. (the tears start flowing).

    I would like to thank the rest of our miraculous cast and crew. Our producers Donna Gigliotti and David Parfitt...I didn't forget you this time! (laughing and sobbing). Especially, Jim McGill and Sophie Shant and my friend Ben Affleck. I would like to thank my wonderful agent Rick Kurtzman, who is a beautiful man and a wonderful agent. And in his case that is not an oxymoron! I would like to thank Harold Brown, Stuart Gelwarg and Steven Huvane.

    I would not have been able to play this role had I not understood love with a tremendous magnitude, and for that I thank my family; (wailing) my mother Blythe Danner, who I love more than anything, and my brother Jake Paltrow who is just the dearest person in the whole world.

    My earthly guardian angel Mary Wigmore. (wailing) and especially to my father Bruce Paltrow (wailing) who has surmounted any surmountable obstacles this year. I love you more than anything in the world. And to my grandpa Buster (sob, sob), who almost made it here tonight, but couldn't quite get here (eh?). Grandpa, I want you to know that you have created a beautiful family who loves you and loves each other more than anything (sob, sob) and we thank you for that. I would like to dedicate this to two young men who lost their lives very early; Harrison Kravis and my cousin Keith Paltrow. We miss you very much and I thank you. Thank you so much everybody!" (leaves stage sobbing and wailing)
  13. Continuing our look at awful Academy Award acceptance speeches, we now turn the spotlight from Gwyneth Paltrow to two-time Oscar winner Tom Hanks. Be warned, you need a strong stomach for this one…

    Remember the Kevin Kline movie In & Out? He plays Howard Brackett, a popular teacher in a small town. Days away from marrying fiancée Emily (Joan Cusack), he gets outed at an awards ceremony by a former student. The film was reportedly inspired by the acceptance speech Tom Hanks gave for his Academy Award-winning performance in 1993's Philadelphia.

    "I would not be standing here if it weren't for two very important men in my life; Mr Rawley Farnsworth, who was my high school drama teacher, who taught me to act well the part, there all the glory lies. And one of my classmates under Mr Farnsworth, Mr John Gilkerson. I mention their names because they are two of the finest gay Americans, (Eh? What's their nationality got to do with their sexuality?), two wonderful men that I had the good fortune to be associated with, to fall under their inspiration at such a young age. I wish my babies could have the same sort of teacher, the same sort of friends. (oh, puke!)

    And there lies my dilemma here tonight. I know that my work in this case is magnified by the fact that the streets of heaven are too crowded with angels. We know their names. They number 1,000 for each of the red ribbons we wear here tonight. (it gets shmaltzier)

    They finally rest in the warm embrace of the gracious creator of us all. A healing embrace that cools their fevers, that clears their skin, and allows their eyes to see the simple, self-evident commonsense truth that is made manifest by the benevolent creator of us all. And was written down on paper by wise men, tolerant men, in the city of Philadelphia 200 years ago. God bless you all, God have mercy on us all, and God bless America." (Ugh. Pass the sick bucket)
  14. Halle Berry, Best Actress (Monster's Ball) 1999 - She made history by becoming the first black woman to win, and clearly she was overwhelmed. In a tear-filled speech, she started well, naming key black actresses of the past and present. And then it all went rapidly downhill. Taking far too long to thank far too many suits, she sobbed and babbled: "I want to thank my agents, CAA, Josh Lieberman especially. I have to thank my agents. Kevin Huvane, thank you. Thank you for never kicking me out and sending me somewhere else. Thank you. else? I have so many people that I know I need to thank. My lawyers! Neil Meyer, thank you. OK, wait a minute! Seventy-four years! I got to take this time! I got to thank my lawyer, Neil Meyer, for making this deal. Doug Stone..."

    Cuba Gooding Jr, Best Supporting Actor (Jerry Maguire) 1996 - "Tom Cruise! I love you brother! I love you man! Everybody, I love you! I love you all! Cameron Crowe! James L. Brooks! James L. Brooks, I love you! Everybody who's involved with this, I love you! I love you!" This was all punctuated with whoops, yells, jumps and leaps. To say he was pleased with his win is a bit like declaring Westlife unoriginal; in other words, massive understatement. Awful 'speech' and a tad cringy to watch. However, Spike Lee pulled no punches when it came to his opinion of Cuba Gooding's histrionics; he scathingly lampooned the actor in his movie Bamboozled.
  15. Colin Welland, Best Original Screenplay (Chariots Of Fire) 1981 - To this day, he's still remembered for what he exuberantly declared on Oscar night. No prizes for guessing what the first line of all his obituaries will say..."What you've done for the British film industry! You may have started something. The British are coming!" he excitedly boasted, drunk on the success of Academy Award glory. Errrrr, no we weren't. Not quite. Whatever happened to good old-fashioned British reserve? A stiff upper lip, and all that?

    Greer Garson, Best Actress (Mrs Miniver) 1942 - At nearly seven minutes, this British actress still holds the record for the longest Oscar speech ever delivered. It was after 1am when she got her hands on the statue and declared: "I'm practically unprepared!" And boy, did the audience pay for it because she went on to thank everyone - from the Academy to, "the doctor who brought me into the world."