Before I had my own kids, I had no idea how preprogrammed they come!

  1. Sign up to become a TPF member, and most of the ads you see will disappear. It's free and quick to sign up, so join the discussion right now!
    Dismiss Notice
Our PurseForum community is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker. Thank you!
  1. I truly used to believe that children are equally affected by nurture as nature, but now that I've been a mom for awhile and been around enough children, I see so much of it is nature. Now my thoughts are that nurture can help temper or enhance imborn traits, but mostly, we are born with most things preprogrammed.

    If people knew this, maybe they would be more careful with choosing the fathers/mothers of their children!

    Many people would attribute a loud child who has loud parents as them 'learning' that behavior, but I'm not so sure. My MIL is a very loud person (talks loud, laughs loud). My son was born being loud and has always had to be reminded to use his 'indoor voice'. While my other son can be loud, it's not something I have to constantly temper.

    My one son can't say please and thank you and sorry to save his life though he's heard it and has been reminded over and over (same as my MIL). My other son's first words were the please and thank yous and sorrys and he never needs reminders (like me).

    Children are drawn to toys from the beginning that differ... some are all into cars, others all into books, others all into building stuff... none of it learned, just what they are drawn to.

    I guess I shouldn't be surprised, we inherit physical traits, intelligence potential, talents, why not things like shyness, mischieveousness, carelessness and tidiness?

    If my kids weren't such polar opposites in like EVERYTHING I might think differently but they are and they are from the same gene pool, both with the same upbringing (both pretty much like only children in a lot of ways) and I'm finding I have to temper and enhance one thing with one child and reverse that for the other....

    I would have thought as a parent my 'teaching' would have more impact, but I'm finding I can gently guide, but not lay down the foundation for things.. that foundation is set in stone and all I can do is chip a bit here or there.

    As I sit here frustrated with my one child who can't seem to be less careless and frustrated with the other because he is afraid to try new things (new foods, new people, new ways of doing things)... Darn those genes!
  2. LOL I know what you mean. I have four, have parented them all the same and they are all different! It's interesting to see their little personalities emerge.
  3. i'm beginning to feel this nature vs nurture thing ..... crossing my finger for the best!