Workplace Are you happy with your SO's career?

IntlSet

IntlSet

Bonjour!
Jan 29, 2006
12,369
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#1
My best friend just dumped her boyfriend of 3 years because she didn't feel like his career was going anywhere, and that he wasn't really taking any steps to improve it. She got a lot of criticism for doing this, but personally, I think she did the right thing... because in this particular instance (I'm not saying everyone should break up because of poor career decisions!), it was indicative of other character traits that were less than desirable in a mate.

What about you? Do you worry about your SO's career as much as your own? Or do you stay out of it?
 
#2
IntlSet said:
I think she did the right thing... because in this particular instance (I'm not saying everyone should break up because of poor career decisions!), it was indicative of other character traits that were less than desirable in a mate.
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I can totally see your point. If your friend wanted to be with someone who's very career-oriented, ambitious and passionate, whatever his career, then she should definitely look for someone like that instead of staying with someone who isn't. It's a good thing for both of them, because they both get to look for other people with whom they're more compatible.

Personally I'm happy with DH's career. He works for a great company that gives him a lot of vacation time (6 weeks a year!) and his hours are short enough that we have plenty of time to spend together. I don't think I could be with someone who was in a dead-end job or who didn't care at all about his career, because I care about mine and I just couldn't relate romantically to someone who wasn't ambitious.
 
#3
This is really tough!

My hubby had a good job before we got married. I never wanted to be married to someone in law enforcement but...an opportunity came up he didn't want to pass on. Well, down went the pay, gone were the weekends and holidays we always spent together. He is happy, we are financially stable, and will have a great retirement.

I think this is more up to the couple but if you really love someone you won't care if he is a garbage collector! Money and material things don't make you happy take it from someone who has been there.
 
#4
I stay out of it. I'm not into what bf does for a living.... a lot of guys look so good on paper, but that doesn't mean he's a catch. lol. I totally understand your friend... I couldn't be w/ someone who lacks ambition.
 
#5
My husband is a retired army pilot, who has taught JROTC in high school for 13 years (since he retired) I sometimes wish he was a little more ambitious, or made more money, but I guess he did all that in the military and is just looking to relax a little. I can't complain about that retirement check, though.
 
#6
Me and my hubby have been married for almost five years and he's only held a job maybe nine months out of that whole time. He took one year off to care for our daughter who has a disability. I really didn't care that he didn't work the majority of the time because I like trying to provide for myself ad not having to depend on anyone else. But in a way I was kind of upset that he didn't work because that meant that all my income went towards bills, food, and everything else that was needed and believe me you're not rich in the military! I guess in the back of my mind I was also jealous because my friends husband worked and they were financially comfortable whereas I was struggling to make ends meet and that I cut back on monthly grocery bills and never bought clothes and just wore maternity wear around even though I wasn't pregnant. I think in the end it just depends on whether your friend is willing to put up with an not so ambitious person or is she willing to take him for how he is and not how much he makes.:shame:
 
#7
I'm happy with his career choice and I have to admit that how he looked at his career ambition is one of the reason why I chose to be with him. He aint a millionaire but hes one of the hard working person I've known after my dad.
 
#9
In general I've found it to be a trade-off between ambition and how much time I get to see my SO.

Certain industries are notorious for long work hours. In regards to my last ex, after work he usually wanted to relax. Since I didn't do much during the day, I wanted to go out. So it was problemmatic. I also hardly got to eat dinner with him. He'd feel bad about it and tell me to eat anywhere I wanted, and even paid for my friends, but it wasn't the same.

Now I just date grad students, ambitious grad students, but they will at least spare a little time to have dinner with me. (This is fine for right now given my lifestyle but later on I may have to really think about this issue.)
 
#10
My brother's girlfriend told him he had to make a certain amount of money and was very disappointed that he doesn't make that much (yet). I think that is a little too much. She compares him to hedge fund managers which isn't even his industry.
 
#11
my husband is a lawyer. we've been together since college. the fact he wanted to be a lawyer didn't mean much to me. the fact that it was something he had wanted as a profession for a long time, and was willing to dedicate himself academically did impress me that he is a driven person.

honestly as long as he is working, and able to pay bills I don't care if he is affluent or just making a living. I just want him to be happy and feel fulfilled as a person.

But I do agree I have seen with some his friends, who in the same time he went to college and law school, just haven't put their acts together yet and I find it rather pathetic. Keeping in mind they graduated high school almost nine years ago.
 
#12
Honestly, the person who should be the most happy with SO's career is your SO himself/herself. I'm not sure what character traits you are speaking about, but I think it depends on the situation. If it is laziness, lack of responsibility, etc. . . I think those are red flags. If its lack of initiative to some degree on why, for example, he's not on the road towards becoming managing director of a bank then I'd step back and wonder. Is your friend's SO happy with where he's at? Is it related to promotions or more money? Does he have desire to keep "climbing" the ladder so to speak? That's something only he can answer for himself. He shouldn't feel obligated to do it to keep your friend happy. If both are at odds on that topic then it was a good move on BOTH parties to go their own ways.

Personally, it is more important that my SO to be happy with their career than me. As long as he is enjoying his work and finds it satisfying then its fine with me. Even if it doesn't translate to a rise in status or salary I want to always be supportive. Luckily, we are in stable fields with relatively similar pay so I know compared to others I'm in a different situation.
 
#13
I'm not because he is not. He's on the brink of a major change (when he's ready to make it...he's taking steps now) and while it's hard sometimes these are the times where we grow the most. He has a really good job right now but he's outgrown it and wants more challenges. And, yes, he wants to earn more so he can provide for a great future for the two of us. I NEVER have nagged him about what he does or if he needs to make more $$ or not. These are his decisions and I support them wholeheartedly.
 
#14
Yeah, I do.
Usually.

He works A LOT though and has a lot of responsiblities = STRESS.
But he's uber ambitious and moticated and this is what attracted me to him {among other things}.
In the 10 yrs I've known him he's accelerated career-wise faster than anyone else in the Company and I'm really proud of him for it:heart:
But that doesn't come w/o some casualties . . . he's gone A LOT.
 
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