Are you embarrassed to buy "intimate products?"

[la miss]

Not really sure where to put this because it covers so many issues so mods please move if necessary ...

The other day, I read a story about a regular, middle-class looking 60+ woman who got arrested for shoplifting personal lubricant. Although it wasn't stated in the article, I guess the reason she might have stolen it is because she was too embarrassed to pay for it at the counter. I felt really bad for the lady because I remember I used to get pretty embarrassed myself about buying condoms. but I never shoplifted any though.

So my question is: Do you feel embarrassed to buy such intimate items relating to sexuality, women's health, and fertility (i.e., birth control pills, condoms, personal massagers, pornography, personal lubricant)? Why or why not? Let's try to have a conversation without getting too graphic please. Mainly, I'm interested in hearing what or who influenced you to feel the way you do.

If anyone is too embarrassed to post, feel free to PM me. I can also post anonymously for you if you don't want to put it out there btw.

 

[divadivine682]

Nope, I've never been embarrassed buying any of that stuff! I think it shows you being responsible.
Funny story, a few years ago I was at the olive garden with a girlfriend of mine and when I went to pull out my wallet to pay the server, a condom (a brand new one of course!! lol) my boyfriend at the time threw in there (I had no idea) had come flying out on the table in front of the server!! The three of us that the biggest laugh! Thank goodness I don't get embarrassed easily or that could have been terrible!

 

[la miss]

^^ That's hilarious. Oops how'd that get in there???

 

[SunnyFreckles]

I am not at all!!! BUT...I do understand how others are. (Just like the option to vote above! )

 

[lilian]

It's funny you mention this, because just yesterday I went to my school's pharmacy to buy a personal massager, which I really didn't think was that big of a deal. The problem was that the woman behind the counter was clearly embarrassed FOR me. She greeted me with a very cheerful "Hi!", but then once she saw what I was buying her voice literally dropped to a whisper when she asked me if there was anything else and gave me my total. She made a big deal about the fact that I wanted to put the total on my school bursar bill (I have a balance in my account that I want to get rid of), asking me very sternly if I was sure that I wanted to do that...it's pretty standard to do that for regular medication, so I didn't understand what the big deal was and I reassured her twice that it was fine. And then in the same very concerned, overly serious whisper she asked, "would you rather put this in your book bag instead of a pharamacy bag?" I just looked at her for a second and was like "...pharmacy bag is fine". I know she was trying to be considerate, but I don't understand how being so overly dramatic about these things helps anyone.

 

[nooch]

The only time I have ever been embarrassed about any sort of "intimate product" (and this barely counts) was when I was 12 and bought a giant box of tampax instead of the generic brand and my mother made me return them and the customer service guy was very cute. But I don't think that counts.

I refuse to be shamed out of my sexuality. The sex toy store I go to happens to be run by two of the most amazing women (selfservetoys.com) and they have created a comfortable environment including books and classes and all sorts of stuff. I don't want to sound like I am plugging the store (even though I sort of am) but the point is, even before I shopped there when I would go to Target and buy condoms or pick up my BC prescriptions I never felt as if I was doing anything shameful or wrong. I don't walk out of there with a bag that says HERE'S A BAG FROM THE DILDO STORE, I HAVE DILDOS, COME LOOK AT MY DILDOS but there's no shame walking in or out - the store is always packed & there are always lots of women comparing notes on products, it's great!

What is shameful and wrong is when women are made to believe that sex is shameful and wrong! When women are shamed out of buying condoms they don't not have sex, they just have unsafe sex and when women are shamed out of buying sex toys they just miss out on learning more about their bodies!

 

[la miss]

Wow lilian, thanks for sharing that story. I definitely think there is a generation gap. I gotta say I admire your candor. In my own experience, I was raised by extremely conservative parents who NEVER talked about these types of private things. I felt like there was a certain amount of shame that came with the physical parts of growing into a woman and so I never asked about it. My mother's discomfort was apparent even though we never actually had any conversations about anything. She never told me she was embarrassed, I just knew she was if that makes any sense. And that made me embarrassed too.

I've been following this poll most of the afternoon. In the beginning it was about even with half of the people saying they were embarrassed and half saying they were not. So far, not one person has voted that their embarrassment has prevented them from taking care of their intimate health. I think that's great and it probably makes a huge difference in preventing a whole host of issues from unplanned pregnancy, disease, mental health, promoting healthy self-image etc.... I'm relieved that people are taking care of themselves.

 

[la miss]

Thanks everyone for posting you opinions. Those of you who are embarrassed I thank you especially for voting.

And thanks everyone for keeping it PG. I'm really hoping we can have a discussion about the way we women think about our own lives that doesn't get sidetracked or overly graphic.

 

[nooch]

Wow lilian, thanks for sharing that story. I definitely think there is a generation gap. I gotta say I admire your candor. In my own experience, I was raised by extremely conservative parents who NEVER talked about these types of private things. I felt like there was a certain amount of shame that came with the physical parts of growing into a woman and so I never asked about it. My mother's discomfort was apparent even though we never actually had any conversations about anything. She never told me she was embarrassed, I just knew she was if that makes any sense. And that made me embarrassed too.

One of the things I really appreciate my mother doing was always referring to body parts by their names - that's your vagina, those are your nipples, when you grow up you'll have breasts, stuff like that. She never used "cute" names to refer to body parts or menstruation and I think it really helped me not ever feel any shame. She never referred to menstruation as "the curse" or anything else really negative. When I was 11 and got my first period she explained what was happening (and she was going through menopause at the same time so she explained that too). She never really explained sex (thank god for seventeen magazine) but she gave me a good foundation for understanding and not being ashamed of my body.

 

[lilian]

In my own experience, I was raised by extremely conservative parents who NEVER talked about these types of private things. I felt like there was a certain amount of shame that came with the physical parts of growing into a woman and so I never asked about it. My mother's discomfort was apparent even though we never actually had any conversations about anything. She never told me she was embarrassed, I just knew she was if that makes any sense. And that made me embarrassed too.

This pretty much describes my parents exactly. We moved to North America from the Middle East when I was 10, so you can imagine they aren't very open to talking about sexuality. I'm in my early 20s now, and my mother (and I say mother because no way is hell would my dad even consider making any slight reference to the topic) still really doesn't talk to me about anything, which is fine. I just kind of learned that I had to teach myself about things because no one would do it for me, and in the end I ended up feeling more comfortable about the whole thing than I may have felt otherwise. I do agree that this idea of being resourceful and teaching yourself things that likely no one else will is very generational/cultural. There is so much information for people growing up right now out there, and it's generally very easy to access. I can imagine that I would have had a very different attitude about sexuality if I didn't really have a way of familiarizing myself with it.

 

[la miss]

One of the things I really appreciate my mother doing was always referring to body parts by their names - that's your vagina, those are your nipples, when you grow up you'll have breasts, stuff like that. She never used "cute" names to refer to body parts or menstruation and I think it really helped me not ever feel any shame. She never referred to menstruation as "the curse" or anything else really negative. When I was 11 and got my first period she explained what was happening (and she was going through menopause at the same time so she explained that too). She never really explained sex (thank god for seventeen magazine) but she gave me a good foundation for understanding and not being ashamed of my body.

Nooch you are so lucky your mom was there to guide you with information about menstruation. It can be pretty traumatic for a girl who doesn't have access to information. Fortunately, schools are now also providing this in health class so kids don't have to figure it out for themselves even if their parents are unable or unwilling. But I do think it makes it seem much more normal and natural when a parent is involved. Especially since these days with girls being so well nourished, they are hitting puberty much younger and younger these days so they are even less emotionally mature than maybe their own mom was when she went through it.

Good point about using biological names. I haven't decided yet how I will approach this if I have kids. Still working on that.

Edited to add that I just remembered something from back when I was first getting my period. Some girl told me that I couldn't use tampons because then I wouldn't be a virgin anymore. For all you girls who have heard this rumor it is totally false. Not true. Lies! Tampons don't affect anything. The only thing that affects virginity is actually having intercourse.

 

[Liberté]

[...] I don't walk out of there with a bag that says HERE'S A BAG FROM THE DILDO STORE, I HAVE DILDOS, COME LOOK AT MY DILDOS but there's no shame walking in or out - the store is always packed & there are always lots of women comparing notes on products, it's great!

THis sentnce made me , I must try that sometime, write "HUGE DILDOS INSIDE!" on a paper bag and tote it through the city just to see how it would work. Around here I would probably get no or too much attention though, depending on which part of hte city.

Other than that, I totally agree with your post. I don't think parents should rush things like these, but reply in a straight and factual manner about things when it's natural for the children to b curious and start asking. =)

 

[la miss]

This pretty much describes my parents exactly. We moved to North America from the Middle East when I was 10, so you can imagine they aren't very open to talking about sexuality. I'm in my early 20s now, and my mother (and I say mother because no way is hell would my dad even consider making any slight reference to the topic) still really doesn't talk to me about anything, which is fine. I just kind of learned that I had to teach myself about things because no one would do it for me, and in the end I ended up feeling more comfortable about the whole thing than I may have felt otherwise. I do agree that this idea of being resourceful and teaching yourself things that likely no one else will is very generational/cultural. There is so much information for people growing up right now out there, and it's generally very easy to access. I can imagine that I would have had a very different attitude about sexuality if I didn't really have a way of familiarizing myself with it.

Haha this would be my dad if I ever broached the subject when I was a kid. ---->

 

[illinirdhd]

It doesn't bother me. I remember being embarassed to buy bras and tampons when I first needed them, and then condoms when I was younger. But now? No biggie. I hardly ever stop at the adult stores (even though there are a ton here), but when I do, I'm not embarassed to be there or to buy anything, but I do sometimes wonder if anyone will drive by and see my car parked there!

 

[berryblondeboys]

When my husband and I were first married we were out of condoms, so while we were out taking a walk, we decided to stop at the drug store and pick some up. Since it's cheaper, we always bought the 'economy' pack. Well, the lady at the front tried to scan them, but the price wasn't coming up. She tried to punch in the numbers and the numbers weren't giving a price, so she announced over the loudspeaker, "Price check needed on Economy size Trojan Condoms with spermicidal lubricant". She was kind of embarrassed and I was a little (would have been more if I wasn't with DH) and DH was laughing. THough afterwards we said that such 'announcement' for a teen might scare them for LIFE from buying them!

The only times I feel weird now is that I often times look awful with a kid in tow when buying them and I'm sure the guy/gal at the register (who is always young) thinks, "Man... who has sex with her!?!?! Eew!"