Anyone Else Out There 30+ and Single?
- Thread starter SpecialK
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I'm married and definitely remember what it was like to be single. I don't think married people "leave people out". I find that when I invite my single friends out to events with mostly couples, the single friends don't want to go because they feel awkward being around a bunch of couples...so I just stop inviting them to events with couples.
MandM said:I'm sorry. I can totally relate. My brother (younger!) is getting married soon and I just want to sob every time I have to hear some new inane deatil about the dress, ring, dates, etc...all that I will never have.
Mandy, you're still a spring chicken!!! You can't have that old maid defeatest attitude yet. Nobody who sees your picture will buy it. Don't even think about it! If it happens, it happens, if you stay single forever -- why, there are worse things that could happen!
You're clearly beautiful and bright (yay for your thesis!)...
V
vanojr9
Oh no, don't feel hopeless, MandM! I'm 26 and in a LTR, but I had to WORK for it, it didn't just "happen" like in the movies. To make it happen, I resolved to:
1. Get out of the house all I could, go anywhere and everywhere.
2. Always accept dates, any date I was asked out on.
3. Ask guys out on dates, seriously, if he were single and not creepy and talked to me for more than 5 min, I asked him out.
4. Go on more than one date unless the guy was really not my type.
5. Go on at least one date per week. Regardless. One date per week.
I think I've dated 1/3 of the single guy population of this town, no joke. And most of those dates were only tolerable, some were downright awful. But I met my guy, finally! The night before I went out with him for the first time I told my best friend: "The universe owes me a good date. I've been putting in the effort. I deserve a good date." And it was the best date of my life
Seriously, dating is just like anything else, you gotta work for a relationship. Try the gym, try bars, try coffeehouses, try online dating, try everything. Don't settle for less than you deserve, but try meeting lots of different kinds of guys, you might be surprised. I guarantee you will find a guy out there, you're gorgeous and smart, there are plenty of men dying to meet you, you just gotta find them!
1. Get out of the house all I could, go anywhere and everywhere.
2. Always accept dates, any date I was asked out on.
3. Ask guys out on dates, seriously, if he were single and not creepy and talked to me for more than 5 min, I asked him out.
4. Go on more than one date unless the guy was really not my type.
5. Go on at least one date per week. Regardless. One date per week.
I think I've dated 1/3 of the single guy population of this town, no joke. And most of those dates were only tolerable, some were downright awful. But I met my guy, finally! The night before I went out with him for the first time I told my best friend: "The universe owes me a good date. I've been putting in the effort. I deserve a good date." And it was the best date of my life
Seriously, dating is just like anything else, you gotta work for a relationship. Try the gym, try bars, try coffeehouses, try online dating, try everything. Don't settle for less than you deserve, but try meeting lots of different kinds of guys, you might be surprised. I guarantee you will find a guy out there, you're gorgeous and smart, there are plenty of men dying to meet you, you just gotta find them!You guys are so sweet and encouraging!! But I'm not a total spring chicken at this point -- 35! -- and really should have finished that thesis years ago -- but it's awesome to have some encouragement
Vanj, I like your practical suggestions -- you're very specific which is great. A lot of times people just say to "wait and see," or "keep your eyes open", etc.
Anyway, I really appreciate you guys
. But sometimes it does just seem like I'm somehow mystically cursed or something b/c no matter how many dates I get asked out upon, or how many men I meet, things always fall apart after a few months.
Vanj, I like your practical suggestions -- you're very specific which is great. A lot of times people just say to "wait and see," or "keep your eyes open", etc.
Anyway, I really appreciate you guys
. But sometimes it does just seem like I'm somehow mystically cursed or something b/c no matter how many dates I get asked out upon, or how many men I meet, things always fall apart after a few months.I'm the opposite of the poster above who really put themselves out there, I met my boyfriend (we've talked marriage) after I was like forget it, I'm going to be alone, I utterly give up. I was 29 at the time and had dated alot. I think the interesting thing is my boyfriend isn't my type- I usually go for artsy, insane types and he's a normal, southern gentleman - he dad flipped when he met him, he was like 'he seems normal?!' We've been dating for over two years and we're talking marriage, if I wasn't in such a bad mood about men I probably would have never accepted his dinner offer when he asked me out (we met at work actually). There is no age limit on finding someone and sometimes the person you find later is a whole lot better than the person you would have picked when you were in your 20s, remember some of those outfits you picked out then? Its the same way with men.
MandM said:You guys are so sweet and encouraging!! But I'm not a total spring chicken at this point -- 35! -- and really should have finished that thesis years ago -- but it's awesome to have some encouragement
Vanj, I like your practical suggestions -- you're very specific which is great. A lot of times people just say to "wait and see," or "keep your eyes open", etc.
Anyway, I really appreciate you guys
Oh and I have definitely felt "cursed" before or "flawed."
There's something to be said for the notion that the thing you want comes to you just after you relinquish all craving and striving for it.
We've all heard the stories about the women who become pregnant shortly after they have given up on ever getting pregnant and decide to adopt or remain childless.
A friend of mine met her husband just after such a moment -- she had been single for many years after a divorce and had reached the point where she had concluded she would never meet anyone, never again have a long term relationship, although she very much wanted one. She told me that she said to God "I can't do anything else about it. It's in your hands -- you're going to have to do it if it's going to happen" Shortly after that, she met the man she was to marry. I am not a believer in "God" but I do think there are forces at work in the universe and there is something that happens when you let go . . . .
We've all heard the stories about the women who become pregnant shortly after they have given up on ever getting pregnant and decide to adopt or remain childless.
A friend of mine met her husband just after such a moment -- she had been single for many years after a divorce and had reached the point where she had concluded she would never meet anyone, never again have a long term relationship, although she very much wanted one. She told me that she said to God "I can't do anything else about it. It's in your hands -- you're going to have to do it if it's going to happen" Shortly after that, she met the man she was to marry. I am not a believer in "God" but I do think there are forces at work in the universe and there is something that happens when you let go . . . .
So is everyone just single? I'm 30 and single, but I have 2 kids! If you think trying to find somebody without kids is hard, try adding 2 kids to the mix!!! Luckily I have 3 different sets of friends, ones that are single and are still living it up, ones that are married and feel they have to act like old married couples and other single moms! Personally I think 30 is the new 20. My single friends party like they are 20 but they are all financially stable that they can do or buy anything they want. Just enjoy life as it comes and when you don't expect it you'll find Mr. right!
I met my guy when I was 31 after leaving an on and off relationship of 3 1/2 years and I thought there was no way I was ever going to meet someone. He kept bugging me to go out with him, and I was so fed up with him bugging me that I thought that if I went out with him he would leave me alone. Well, I went out with him and the rest is history. If you ask him, he says he had me at hello - yeah, WHAT EVER!!! lol I'm now 33 and we have been together for over a year and are looking to buy a house and get married.
I always hated the cliches about how these things just happen when you aren't looking, but I can honestly say that is what happened to me.
MandM you're a total babe, any guy would be lucky to have a woman like you.
I always hated the cliches about how these things just happen when you aren't looking, but I can honestly say that is what happened to me.
MandM you're a total babe, any guy would be lucky to have a woman like you.
It is disheartening at times. But I won't fret about it. I'd rather have the heartache of being alone instead of the heartache of being in the wrong relationship.