Anyone else a non-driver? Is this normal?

[la miss]

I have always been a terrible driver. I think its because I have poor hand eye coordination and not very good depth perception. At any rate I have managed to avoid driving my entire life. I grew up a city girl and always lived in the city.
Now I'm getting married and live in the burbs. Not driving has been a strain on the relationship to a certain extent. And at this point I think it has almost become a bit of a phobia. (In addition to the fact that I'm just not good at it!)
Are there any other non-drivers out there. Is this normal?
People always say just keep at it and it'll become second nature. But it really is not that simple. I'm actually afraid! Also if I can avoid it why bother? Am I rationalizing?

 

[rainrowan]

Wow, I can totally relate. I was a city girl, always using public transportation my entire life. I was quite independent and traveled around the country by bus or airplane.

My independence has been severely limited since I moved out of the city to be with my DH and raise a family. I only got my driver's license after many years of pressure and nagging from my family and friends. The nagging and pitying by outsiders is the worse strain of the whole experience. You feel inside you're not ready, but everyone else doesn't understand why you can't or won't drive (or get license). It's a wicked cycle, because you know you want to be able to. It seems that you have alot of support, which is a very good thing.

I still have a dread of driving. I am sure I have anticipatory anxiety, if not a moderate phobia in getting behind the wheel. I still don't drive much if at all. I only need to get to/from schools in a pinch, to the park and the local spots (I mean very local) in bad weather.

The only advice is to try when you are ready to drive, you will do it. Do not allow other people pressure or get to you... if your DH is feeling the "strain" he should consider moving into the city for you... especially if what you say about your phobia is indeed real. If I had to do all over again, I probably would have put my foot down and remained in the city...

Just thought you would like to know you're not alone. I do know how you feel! Feel free to PM me anytime

 

[JoeyJo21]

I don't (hopefully I will soon though!). I'd been trying to learn to drive for a year and a half, and after I failed my test I decided I needed a break from it as I was sick of driving lessons. So six months later and I'm trying again and have my second test book (aaaah). I must admit I don't really like driving either, it doesn't scare me but it's just one of those things that I don't enjoy.

I'm in a similar situation to you because I'm learning to drive as I'm stuck out in the country with very little public transport. I don't want to learn to drive, but I know that I need to be able to if I want to get anywhere, also it will open up a lot more job opportunities for me.

I really understand what you're going through as it's a pain in the neck having people pressure you into doing it, and I know it must be even worse for you if you actually have a fear of driving.

 

[NYCBelle]

City girl here also. Have a license and can kinda drive lol but its been a long time.

 

[amanda]

wow, i absolutely love to drive. i've been doing it for years, but it's still a great feeling of independence to know that i don't need anything but my beloved 4Runner to go anywhere and do anything i want. i'm a city girl, but Atlanta is a city where anyone that's not completely destitute drives. i can't even imagine having to rely on public transportation - i'd feel so powerless!

i was very scared to learn how to drive at first (Atlanta has the second worst traffic in the US, second to LA, and the worst speeders), but my father gave me no choice but to ignore my fear, get out there, and get to it. the only way to conquer your fear is to attack it head-on, and after having your license for a bit, it DOES become second nature, i promise. it won't happen immediately, but being able to drive will give your whole family a lot more options as far as your husband's job, activities your kids can do, and most importantly, YOUR ability to be an independent person. do you really want to rely on your husband to cart you around for the rest of your life? get out there, girl!

 

[pidgeon92]

I have a friend who has never learned to drive. My mother never did either. I applaud you for accepting this limitation, not everyone is comfortable behind the wheel, and shouldn't be forced to do something that is inherently dangerous.

 

[caxe]

wow, i absolutely love to drive. i've been doing it for years, but it's still a great feeling of independence to know that i don't need anything but my beloved 4Runner to go anywhere and do anything i want. i'm a city girl, but Atlanta is a city where anyone that's not completely destitute drives. i can't even imagine having to rely on public transportation - i'd feel so powerless!

i was very scared to learn how to drive at first (Atlanta has the second worst traffic in the US, second to LA, and the worst speeders), but my father gave me no choice but to ignore my fear, get out there, and get to it. the only way to concur your fear is to attack it head-on, and after having your license for a bit, it DOES become second nature, i promise. it won't happen immediately, but being able to drive will give your whole family a lot more options as far as your husband's job, activities your kids can do, and most importantly, YOUR ability to be an independent person. do you really want to rely on your husband to cart you around for the rest of your life? get out there, girl!

I live about ninety minutes outside of Atlanta, but I have to frequently travel there for work. I absolutely loathe having to go there because of the traffic and the drivers. It's horrible--and I'm not the best driver in the world. I get nervous easily and I totally lack patience, so Atlanta driving is sheer hell for me. It's not everywhere in the city, mainly on 85 and 275.

I wouldn't have thought that Atlanta would have been so high up on the list of cities with the worst traffic, but I can totally see why. I have to be there overnight next week, and if I can't ride with a coworker I'll probably call in sick. LOL.

 

[diamond_lover]

i dont have my license because i have been putting it off. now, i think i am going to try to at LEAST get it so my SO will shut up and stop complainig. i am also not comfortable with driving because my SO was in an accident with me in the front and basically only my half of the car was smooshed. that's one of the reasons i just avoid it but it's good to have it that way you don't have to take the test again! lol

 

[merika]

I totally agree that one should KNOW how to drive, and have a driver's license. I came to the most rural area of CT without knowing how to drive, and with a child who needed to be taken to pre-school (which was not on a bus route, needless to say!)

I learned to drive, and learned pretty fast. After a while I became less scared to negotiate my way through city traffic and even occasionally drove in Boston, which has the most aggressive drivers I've encountered (or maybe it was just my bad driving ) I have poor hand eye coordination and an absolutely zero sense of depth perception myself. When I was first learning to drive I hit a tree...and when I was biking I hit a mailbox...

I still hate driving. If there is a choice between me and another person driving, I'll always make the other person drive. But it's very reassuring to know that if the need occurs, I CAN.

 

[la miss]

i dont have my license because i have been putting it off. now, i think i am going to try to at LEAST get it so my SO will shut up and stop complainig. i am also not comfortable with driving because my SO was in an accident with me in the front and basically only my half of the car was smooshed. that's one of the reasons i just avoid it but it's good to have it that way you don't have to take the test again! lol

haha you are so right about that. I got my license last year but just barely. I was soooo nervous and terrified. Then the guy started yelling at me and I burst into tears. I think he might have passed me because he felt bad about making me cry hehe.

I just have to remember to keep renewing it so I don't ever have to take the driving test again.

 

[la miss]

Wow, I can totally relate. I was a city girl, always using public transportation my entire life. I was quite independent and traveled around the country by bus or airplane.

My independence has been severely limited since I moved out of the city to be with my DH and raise a family. I only got my driver's license after many years of pressure and nagging from my family and friends. The nagging and pitying by outsiders is the worse strain of the whole experience. You feel inside you're not ready, but everyone else doesn't understand why you can't or won't drive (or get license). It's a wicked cycle, because you know you want to be able to. It seems that you have alot of support, which is a very good thing.

I still have a dread of driving. I am sure I have anticipatory anxiety, if not a moderate phobia in getting behind the wheel. I still don't drive much if at all. I only need to get to/from schools in a pinch, to the park and the local spots (I mean very local) in bad weather.

The only advice is to try when you are ready to drive, you will do it. Do not allow other people pressure or get to you... if your DH is feeling the "strain" he should consider moving into the city for you... especially if what you say about your phobia is indeed real. If I had to do all over again, I probably would have put my foot down and remained in the city...

Just thought you would like to know you're not alone. I do know how you feel! Feel free to PM me anytime

Thanks for the encouragement Rainrowan. I would love to move back to the city but it is sooo much less expensive out here. Maybe in a few years when I graduate....
SO is supportive but I do feel pressure to drive even though I am NOT comfortable behind the wheel.

 

[evychew]

I don't mind the driving so much. parking, on the other hand, is an entirely different story. i am a terrible parker! I once drove my mom's lexus into the side of the garage, and it's a pretty roomy garage too. I'm hopeless i think.

 

[la miss]

I don't (hopefully I will soon though!). I'd been trying to learn to drive for a year and a half, and after I failed my test I decided I needed a break from it as I was sick of driving lessons. So six months later and I'm trying again and have my second test book (aaaah). I must admit I don't really like driving either, it doesn't scare me but it's just one of those things that I don't enjoy.

I'm in a similar situation to you because I'm learning to drive as I'm stuck out in the country with very little public transport. I don't want to learn to drive, but I know that I need to be able to if I want to get anywhere, also it will open up a lot more job opportunities for me.

I really understand what you're going through as it's a pain in the neck having people pressure you into doing it, and I know it must be even worse for you if you actually have a fear of driving.

Good luck JoeyJo! I admire your attitude. My driving instructor made a fortune because I needed so many lessons. And I still barely passed the test.

 

[la miss]

City girl here also. Have a license and can kinda drive lol but its been a long time.

You're in NYC!? Sooo lucky! I'm jealous.

 

[la miss]

wow, i absolutely love to drive. i've been doing it for years, but it's still a great feeling of independence to know that i don't need anything but my beloved 4Runner to go anywhere and do anything i want. i'm a city girl, but Atlanta is a city where anyone that's not completely destitute drives. i can't even imagine having to rely on public transportation - i'd feel so powerless!

i was very scared to learn how to drive at first (Atlanta has the second worst traffic in the US, second to LA, and the worst speeders), but my father gave me no choice but to ignore my fear, get out there, and get to it. the only way to concur your fear is to attack it head-on, and after having your license for a bit, it DOES become second nature, i promise. it won't happen immediately, but being able to drive will give your whole family a lot more options as far as your husband's job, activities your kids can do, and most importantly, YOUR ability to be an independent person. do you really want to rely on your husband to cart you around for the rest of your life? get out there, girl!

Amanda: Sometimes i do feel dependant and powerless. *sigh* Believe me I have tried. And I hate feeling like a flop because it is so easy for others. I appreciate what you are saying but it is not for lack of motivation. I really am a terrible driver.