Any one everfealt it was the biggest mistake to have a baby

  1. Sign up to become a TPF member, and most of the ads you see will disappear. It's free and quick to sign up, so join the discussion right now!
    Dismiss Notice
Our PurseForum community is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker. Thank you!
  1. #1 Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
    Ok as of now I am on the lowest curve of motherhood. repenting every minute of it. It is four o clock and my baby is simply not ready to sleep she is one year old and has been so all the past year. It has been a year since i have slept atall. Believe me or not I want to cry I have no friends left as I have no stamina to socialize anyways. The whole day I am totally exhausted. I have tried all types of sleep training methods to no avail. I feel my biggest mistake was to have a baby. Oh god i feel so terrible, an utter failure as a humanbeing as a mother as a woman.I feel I am such a bad person to think like this but cant just can stop thinking this ways.I hate my self for this but cannot stop my self from thinking like this.
    Thankyou for letting me vent.
     
  2. #2 Jan 25, 2009
    Last edited: Jan 25, 2009
    First of all big hugs. You sound completely overwhelmed and I would recommend that you go and see your doctor to make sure that: 1) you are not suffering from post natal depression and 2) ask for some advice on settling your baby. Perhaps get your baby checked out to make sure everything is ok?
    Do you have someone who could help you? Is the baby's father present, are your parents able to offer you some support? I know it may not feel like it at the moment, but you can and will get through this, but you have to reach out. You are not a failure, you are going through a tough time. Please ask for help.
     
  3. thanks dallas for your post
    I never thought it could be depression but I am overwhelmed for sure and exhausted after letting my baby cry out for full 2 hrs she finally cried to sleep and it is quarter past six here. I will consult my doc about this.
    My baby is normal I got her checked atleast 3 times except for reflux she does not have any ailment. I dont know why she does not sleeps nor do the docs have any answer to it. My husband is with me but during the day he is at work and cannot wake at nights. I am stay at home mom. No I dont have my parents to support me my family is going thru a very bad phase. My twin has been diagnosed with grade 4 brain cancer and it is he and his family that needs my parents more at this time than me. I really dont think i can carry on like that much longer.
    I already had sought professional help earlier (a nanny) but i can not function normally with no sleep. i dont know what to do.:crybaby:
     
  4. oh hun my heart goes out to you. I don't know what I will do if this LO is like that. I am so sorry to hear about your twin brother. It seems like there is just so much going on there with you. There are a ton of IRL support groups and mommy groups for socialization when that time comes. I wish I could do more to help you. I do not have any great advice but wanted to lend you my support and tell you it's normal how you are feeling and I hope it all settles soon :hugs:
     
  5. You need to seek some help sweetie. My heart goes out to you.

    After I had my first baby - I remember that first week of NO sleep and holding this crying baby and thinking "why did I do this?" But that didn't last long for me since around 2 months old he started sleeping through the night.

    I don't know enough about your baby to make an recommendations. Is the baby still up all night? Is there anyone there to help you at all?
     
  6. What you are feeling is completely normal. Do not think because of these feelings that you're a bad mom. You're not.

    I'm sorry, as much as we love our children, and as much as we want to get pregnant, it's not all babies & roses once they're born.

    I remember when I was pregnant, my mom kept warning me to not expect to just immediately "fall in love with her" after she was born. I thought she was insane. But you know what, she was 100% right. I looked at my daughter like "WTF? Who are you?"

    Not only is it overwhelming to be a new mom, it's a life changing experience.

    I went through major post-partum depression for a good 3 months, and it was a struggle, let me tell you. If it weren't for my husband, who knows what I would have done.

    I hated breast feeding and everybody thought I was nuts. I couldn't understand why all these women just loved it and thought it was the most amazing thing. I hated it and I was so embarrassed. When she was hungry, I wanted to cringe.

    I remember when she was like 6 weeks old, she wouldn't stop crying. Just screamed and screamed for what felt like hours. I put her in the baby swing, grabbed a glass of wine and locked myself in the bedroom and called my husband. I literally said to him that if he didn't come home, I would throw her out the window. Obviously, I didn't do that, but I tell you, he was there within 5 minutes flat. The minute he walked through the door, he said "go, go drive or get away for a while." I did. And I felt so much better.

    Maybe just some time to yourself will really help you. I don't know how supportive your husband is, but let him know how you're feeling. I have to believe with all of this depression, that he will be nothing but understanding and supportive. Take a day and go out with your girlfriends and just shoot the crap with them. It feels so good.

    Go out shopping. Buy something for yourself, not the baby. These little things can add up and really help. I promise.

    Hang in there, you sound like a normal mom. Believe me.

    BTW, my daughter is now 9 years old, and I cannot imagine my life without her. Unfortunately, I look back at her baby book and it makes me so sad. Because I was struggling with PPD at the time, I couldn't appreciate that stage when she was a baby. My life was constant chaos and stress. If only I could go back in time. But we can't, so I appreciate her every single day of my life.
     
  7. Your story is so interesting and so...real. And I mean that in the most complimentary way. :tup: Even with all the information available on PPD I thik too many women still aren't as aware of it as they should be or are too ashamed to admit when they may e going through it.

    To the OP, I don't have kids, but from my vantage point it not only sounds like you may be experiencing PPD, but also some other major life stressors. I'm sorry about your brother's illness. That can definitely take a toll. Please don't think you are a bad mom. I was going to also suggest, as onegirlcreative did, that you find some way to get away for a short while. Is there ANYONE who can come stay with the baby while you have a little time to yourself?

    :heart:
     
  8. Bless your heart!! Believe me, I KNOW how you are feeling.

    First of all, you are not a bad mother AT ALL. I had the same feelings when I had my oldest. Sleep deprivation will do it to you for sure. My recommendation to you would be to get the book "Sleeping Through the Night" by Jodi Mindell. It is the book I used to train both of my boys to put themselves to sleep and sleep all night. It took a few rough days in the beginning, but by the end of the first week, they were both falling asleep on their own within just a few minutes and sleeping all night. It felt like a miracle!!! The only thing is, once you decide to implent the program, you HAVE TO stick with it. If you give in AT ALL, you will send the baby the message that you don't really mean business and then it will be even that much harder to do it the next time. So don't start it until you are committed to follow through no matter what.

    Hang in there sweetie. It does get better, I promise.
     
  9. The other ladies have given great advice and I completely agree with them. Wishing you all the best anusa. :hugs:
     
  10. Anusa - I know exactly how you feel regarding the sleep deprivation - YOU ARE NOT ALONE - I was actually going to post a question regarding my almost 8 month old DS who has not slept through the night since day 1! We have tried every training method also...from Ferber to Babywise plus we have tried reducing nap time, taking out a nap during the day, feeding right before bedtime, empty stomach at bedtime, rocking the baby to sleep, putting him to bed earlier, putting him to bed later...and NOTHING has worked! Like you, the pedi says that everything seems OK...and like your LO, our DS will cry hysterically for HOURS :sad: if we do the Ferber method...the pedi even said that his voice is so hoarse from him crying :sad:

    Getting up every hour to every 3 hours does take it's toll, trust me, I totally understand from first hand experience. My DH works all different hours all week long, including weekends, so mostly, it is just me getting up with my DS. I, too, have a hard time getting motivated to even get out of the house sometimes...I joined a Moms Club and they have several activites every week so I force myself to get out and go to some of them. Also, sometimes, I put DS in the car and drive; it does good to just get out in the sunshine and at times, the drive will put DS to sleep :P

    The one thing the pedi recommended was to go on to the Children's Hospital of Pennsylvania website, look under their services and go to the sleep clinic...Like ChristyR suggested, there is a woman at the Sleep Clinic, Jodi Mindell, who works with infants who have trouble falling and staying asleep. She does have several books out which I haven't gotten yet, but that is our next step...maybe you and I should get the book and try her method together?! PM me if you want to talk/vent...
     
  11. I'm telling ya, Jodi Mindell's method WORKS. I don't know why it works, but it just does. Ya'll shoud definitely give it a go.
     
  12. Oh sweetie, :hugs: don't feel like a bad mother, because you are NOT!!! More of us than not have been there, and it's hard, let me tell you. Those first few months when your baby just won't go down and wants to stay up all night. It's a struggle. The lack of sleep will make you go insane!!!
    I know how you feel, about no friends, and no social life. Believe me, I'm there now :sad: I've seriously considered joining a mommy's group or something, because I have no friends where I live, and my SO is gone for work 4 weeks at a time!!!
    I feel for you, and I'm so sorry that your brother is sick. My prayers are with your family. I hope your little one finds her way to sleep, for your sake!!
    I would suggest, call your doctor, and make an appointment with him/her and talk about you symptoms, and your options. Good luck!! I hope everything goes smoothly. And if you ever need anything, PM me :yes:
     
  13. im so sorry that you are feeling so badly!! being a mommy is such hard work. you have to get your husband involved. he may have to lose a few hours of sleep so that you can sleep and then you may be able to function a bit better. the other ladies have given you great advice. talk with your doctor. see about hiring a baby sitter just so you can sleep and get out of the house and do something for you.

    and we all have felt like a horrible mother at point in time...:hugs: to you.


    [i know how you feel about being sleep deprived. when i had my oldest son he was maybe a week old and he would not sleep. he would not nurse. i rocked him for what felt like ever. i tried to burp him. nothing would stop him from crying. so i laid him in his crib and i went and sat on my bed. i turned down the monitor and i watched the lights go up and down with his crying. finally after about an hour i walked back in his room and picked him up and he burped. i felt like a horrible mother for not being able to help him, i stood there and cried and told him how sorry i was. but i knew i was getting to a point to where i couldn't take it any more, and i had to walk away. he was fine. he nursed and then we went to sleep...so you are not alone!!!]
     
  14. Hi Ive_flipped thanks for your post I did join a support group in my area but as I no stamina left for getting out of the house what so ever.Thankyou for your support.

     
  15. Hi bagLadie
    My biggest issue is i dont know where to find help. I did understaand and was mentally prepared for my baby not sleeping for first few months, but now she is nearlly fourteen months and it gone from bad to worse. I have gotten an appointment for my baby for tommorrow.
    no my dd is not up all night but like i put her to bed arround 8 and she sleeeps for just 1 hr wakes uo at nine goes back to sleep at 11 or later , how late well it her mater of choice. then again wakes uo in about 1-1:30 hrs crying badly. the most wierd part is if you wake her up fully she starts playing and is happy if you try to put her to sleep she starts crying .
    this continues for the whole night and day she barely sleeps for about 7-8 hrs intermittemntly in the span of 24 hrs. Is that much of sleep sufficient for a baby 1 year old.
    thankyou for your post and support