Annoying roommates who make you feel guilty...

ShimmaPuff

Sentient IMBUSILE
Oct 12, 2006
9,752
2
Earth
Well, if you can't "train him away from it" by diverting the conversation to him and his interests every time he says something like that, and you like him and want to smooth things out, maybe get a bottle of wine or whatever relaxing material you both enjoy and just talk to him about it, see if he will open up and tell you more about his feelings.

It could be that his financial situation doesn't give him the same options that you have, and despite liking you, he has some resentment, and envy of that.

That's OK, it's natural, you won't be the first person he feels that for, nor will he be the only person to feel it. Maybe there is someone else in your school who doesn't have to work at a campus job or save up, maybe she or he can just buy whatever shoes they want, when they want them, and you might feel a little twinge here or there if you lived with that person.

It's just a part of life, there will always be people who have more money than he does, than you do, and of course everybody has more money than I do. :smile:

But just as there are many different ways of being "smart," there are many different ways of being "rich," and part of growing up is to learn to celebrate the ways that YOU have, that HE has.

Maybe there is a class that you have to really study hard for to get a good grade, and he's utterly bored, just writes his papers and takes home his "A" with no effort at all, or maybe he can play the trombone well enough to join an orchestra, and you have always had a secret desire to be a trombone player, but you can barely get the thing to squeak.

You get the idea. Everybody has something that we don't have, and we all have something that other people don't have. We may all wish we had that stuff we don't have, but if we can just acknowledge that, own it, then we can move on to each one sharing what we DO have with other earth residents.

And if your friendship can be the thing that helps him get to that very happy place, the universe will have done you a great honor! :smile:
 

rainyjewels

eat me
O.G.
Nov 8, 2006
4,992
40
You get the idea. Everybody has something that we don't have, and we all have something that other people don't have. We may all wish we had that stuff we don't have, but if we can just acknowledge that, own it, then we can move on to each one sharing what we DO have with other earth residents.

And if your friendship can be the thing that helps him get to that very happy place, the universe will have done you a great honor! :smile:
You are so awesome! Thank you for all your detailed advice. Unfortunately, and what is truly amusing about this situation, is that he's extremely wealthy, his parents pay for everything, and he buys a ton of high end items all the time, which adds to my annoyance because I'm working to pay for my stuff but he still makes me feel guilty :sad: I guess maybe that's why he doesn't have the concept of "saving up" for something, and to him, it's more like either you can afford something and you buy it, or you're broke and you just don't buy anything? I don't know!
 

mas2388

O.G.
May 17, 2006
6,155
12
It seems like he just doesn't get it. Since he doesn't get it the subtle way, why don't you do the same thing to him that he does to you. Pick something that he does often, and bug him everytime he does it. Maybe that way he'll get the point.

It seems like he has the mentality that if people aren't "rich" they don't deserve to treat themselves with expensive things. How snobby!
 

alvie223

Member
Apr 24, 2006
3,131
2
honestly the only reason i would think he would hav ethe right to be concerned, is in the case that you can't make the rent.


otherwise he doens't have a right in the world to say $h!t.

then again he may be envious that you have the ability to treat yourself
 

Jordan

Member
Oct 1, 2006
9
0
Well, if you can't "train him away from it" by diverting the conversation to him and his interests every time he says something like that, and you like him and want to smooth things out, maybe get a bottle of wine or whatever relaxing material you both enjoy and just talk to him about it, see if he will open up and tell you more about his feelings.

It could be that his financial situation doesn't give him the same options that you have, and despite liking you, he has some resentment, and envy of that.

That's OK, it's natural, you won't be the first person he feels that for, nor will he be the only person to feel it. Maybe there is someone else in your school who doesn't have to work at a campus job or save up, maybe she or he can just buy whatever shoes they want, when they want them, and you might feel a little twinge here or there if you lived with that person.

It's just a part of life, there will always be people who have more money than he does, than you do, and of course everybody has more money than I do. :smile:

But just as there are many different ways of being "smart," there are many different ways of being "rich," and part of growing up is to learn to celebrate the ways that YOU have, that HE has.

Maybe there is a class that you have to really study hard for to get a good grade, and he's utterly bored, just writes his papers and takes home his "A" with no effort at all, or maybe he can play the trombone well enough to join an orchestra, and you have always had a secret desire to be a trombone player, but you can barely get the thing to squeak.

You get the idea. Everybody has something that we don't have, and we all have something that other people don't have. We may all wish we had that stuff we don't have, but if we can just acknowledge that, own it, then we can move on to each one sharing what we DO have with other earth residents.

And if your friendship can be the thing that helps him get to that very happy place, the universe will have done you a great honor! :smile:
Most awesome post !! Very well said Shimma Puff.
 

sonya

Member
Feb 23, 2006
5,799
10
You are so awesome! Thank you for all your detailed advice. Unfortunately, and what is truly amusing about this situation, is that he's extremely wealthy, his parents pay for everything, and he buys a ton of high end items all the time, which adds to my annoyance because I'm working to pay for my stuff but he still makes me feel guilty :sad: I guess maybe that's why he doesn't have the concept of "saving up" for something, and to him, it's more like either you can afford something and you buy it, or you're broke and you just don't buy anything? I don't know!
What I noticed about men is that shopping isn't entertainment, especially clothing/shoes shopping. It's just something that needs to get done when they need a new shirt/new shoes/out of underwear (because they didn't do the laundry). This guy is probably just not used to living with women.

Also, he probably doesn't understand the "broke" comment. If someone is broke, they ususally cannot afford to buy things. There is also an assumption that shopping while "broke" is iresponsible. That's probably why he brings it up when he sees your new packages.

Don't try to explain anymore to him. He's not understanding what you are saying. Just ignore the comments, and soon he will drop them.
 

RowanOak

O.G.
Aug 22, 2006
2,060
7
Deep South
ShimmaPuff...You are so wise. I always get excited when you post because I know it's going to have something in it that I would have never thought of.

It turned out that he was indeed wealthy, but like you, I was not expecting that. I thought that thinking was right-on when you said it though. It *does fit the profile of what he has been doing.

Here's another thought (and to add on to SP's wine idea). SEND him a bottle of wine via UPS or whatever. Spend less on the wine than you would have to make up for the mailing costs. Imagine his surprise when he sees HIS name on a package that comes to the door?! Then tell him that it was something you just wanted to do. I'd make light of it and drop the subject, but maybe y'all can talk about other things over wine. It's worth a try. You've tried about everything else, so this is just something I'm throwing out that *might make a difference.