Annoying roommates who make you feel guilty...

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  1. I'm never one to complain about others, but I think I could use some advice on this one.

    I recently moved in into a house with a bunch of roommates I didn't know previously (Just started grad school). I love buying things online and just ship back whatever I don't want...which means, the delivery guy is constantly coming to our house. Every time I get something, one of my roommates always asks, "what did you get this time??" in an exasperated/sarcastic way. I work a campus job, and I always budget how much time i'll need to pay off everything. I'm even willing to take on additional jobs just to pay off the things I love/need. That also means I'm living barely by my means. When he first started doing this, I tried explaining to him this, and that I'm actually broke, but there are certain things I need and have to get. From then on, every time I came in with a package, he would not only ask what I got this time, but also "I thought you were broke, what are you doing" in a you're-a-dumbass kind of way. When I try to explain that it's something I needed - i.e. a suit - and that I really am broke because of it, he's like "No you're not. please." :Push:

    I hate the fact that I'm now dreading the arrival of things that i LOVE and am super excited for and saved up for! Every time, I feel like I have to defend my purchases and why they were necessary. When I step back from the situation, I'm like, why am I defending my choices to my roommate??! My SO says I should say something to him, but I feel like after I've explained so many times, shouldn't it be clear? I don't want to be mean, i.e. "mind your own business!" :sad: especially to someone I live with and see every day. Do you guys have any advice? Any ideas would help a lot.
  2. When he asks about your purchases, or makes a remark, try an amused, indulgent smile, and a friendly remark or question about a completely unrelated topic, preferably something that pertains to something he is interested in.

    NOT suggesting a retaliatory strategy here, on the contrary, the idea is for you to engage him in cordial conversation about something that to him will be more interesting than your shopping habits!

    Give yourselves a chance to learn more about each other, and have a wider range of things to talk about - he might turn out to be a very nice person who just doesn't have the same level of social skills you do, and from his point of view, he might learn that you are a person with many interests that have nothing to do with shopping!
  3. get a PO BOX!!! ;/
  4. Don't worry, i'm in the same boat. I live with 2 males.. one being my bf. My roomy pays me out everytime i get something new especially bags. Then he goes and tells his friends about it, so when they come over, they're like "So, you're the girl (nutcase) who spends over 1k on your bags". So then i feel like i always have to justify my spending and be quiet defensive. But recently he purchased a 3k PC, so the tables been reversed. Luckily, my boy understands and stands by me.

    Don't let others belittle you, stand up for what you believe in. I don't even bother justifying my spending anymore, the whole explanation is useless because all they're thinking is that you spent $xxx on ____ (that!!!). Tell them bags/ fashion is your passion, it is priceless for your happiness.
  5. I thought about that at the beginning too, and I would just smile and say "yeah..." and then ask something like "don't you have class today?" We've also had many in-depth talks about tons of issues (books, tv, politics) but he still does it. He's really a nice person otherwise. I just don't understand why people feel the need to inquire about other people's choices; it's really none of their business, and to question someone's choice inevitably degrades their judgment.
  6. Maybe they really think they're doing you a favor? Maybe they're scared you won't be able to pay the rent because, as you put it, "you're barely living by your means." Do you always pay communal bills (rent, utlities) on time without griping about being broke? I'm not accusing you of doing any of that stuff... I just mean that they're possibly worried that your spending is more out of control than you say it is.

    Personally, I would find it bizarre if a friend/roommate said they were broke but constantly had a delivery guy coming with new merchandise. If I didn't live with you and split bills, though, I would think it in poor taste to say anything.

    Just another perspective. Best of luck with graduate school!
  7. Yeah, you're totally right. Especially guys tend to be bewildered at why someone must have a certain item and not settle for something simply because it's cheaper. Once he suggested that with this one pair of shoes, and I was like, "but I don't want that, I think it's ugly," and he was like, well no wonder you're broke!! It didn't help that next day, I got in a couple of JCrew tee shirts because I was stocking up on the sale, and he was like "no wonder you're broke, you spend money on all the wrong things." They were like $10! He actually made me feel stupid/guilty for buying something that was 10 bucks, simply because I told him I didn't want an ugly cheap shoe. Ugh, I don't want to complain even more, but the more I think about it, the more instances of annoyance I come up with!! :Push:
  8. Why do you feel like you have to say ANYTHING to him?! It's not rude to tell him to mind his business and you don't have to explain your financial life to him. He's your room-mate, not your Dad. You said it yourself - it's none of his business. So stop making it his business by discussing it with him.
  9. I see it from that perspective, but they all know that during the whole grad school experience, my parents are the ones paying for my rent and utilities, and I work to pay for everything there's never been a problem with my paying these communal fees or rent. If I couldn't because I was paying it myself, then lol yes it would seem bizarre that I was spending while not being able to pay for the basics.

    Also, you're right, I would find it strange if someone said they were broke but constantly had a delivery guy come, hence why I would never say anything until he kept pestering to ask me how I could afford buying stuff on a campus job's salary. I would never complain about something like this, because I don't care that I have to save up or work more to get what I want (i.e. I would rather save up for a great-fitting suit for interviews than grab the cheapest one that probably doesn't look as professional) . He forced it out of me because he kept asking! I finally explained to him that I do save up to buy what I want, and that many times I'm purchasing a lot online just to be able to choose the one item I love and want to keep, because I want to make sure I'm spending wisely. For example, if I've saved up $200-300 for a new pair of boots, is it so wrong to buy all 4 pairs I've been eyeing in order to decide on which one I loved best? I've explained this to him many times; how can I convey this whole mentality better? Or do I even need to..?
  10. Oh you're right...the more I talk about it, the more he feels involved "in my business." I just didn't know how to respond when he kept pestering me about it, and I didn't want to be mean. Saying "it's none of your business" is kind of mean, no? Problem is, normally he's really nice and we get along pretty well, so it's even harder to be mean..

  11. Totally agree, some men have a desire to put you down, what you do with your money is up to you, its no one else business. You ought to say to him has he nothing better to do then comment of your buying activities
  12. I couldn't agree more with print model's comments. Your roomie seriously needs to mind his own business. How you choose to spend your money is none of his concern, especially considering that you aren't neglecting any of your household related expenses or asking anyone else for money. Next time he has something to say, I would just ignore him. If he keeps pressing the issue, kindly tell him that his behavior is offensive and that you would prefer not to discuss how you spend your money. I know that it will be an uncomfortable conversation but he needs to know how you feel. Don't let him steal the pleasure that you get from buying the things you love!
  13. Ignore him/ He's not you. The packages aren't for him. Who cares? Just ignore him. :yes:
  14. Thanks for all your help, guys!
  15. you shoud tell him to mind his business! it's your $$ and u are not spending crazy u are working for the things u want u shouldnt let him get in the way of things u LOVE!