Annoyed at SO (rant)

merika

merika

Wol
O.G.
Nov 1, 2006
10,400
115
#1
So we go visit SOs family for Christmas. My son is jumping around in a happy 7 year old manner..he's pretty well behaved actually, but excited because he's gotten lots of presents. We're sitting in the living room with SOs mom and I tell my son to calm down. SO goes "Well, you're a lackadaisical parent the rest of the time and telling him to behave himself now isn't going to work..."

I'm immensly pissed off. Why did he have to call me a lackadaisical parent in front of his mom?
 
#3
^^He's of the opinion that it's the same if we hurt each other's feelings while having a private conversation, or if we do it in front of other people..so he's like "Haven't you said things that hurt my feelings too?". I'm like "Yeah, but not in front of other people!"

Am I somehow at fault here?
 
#5
medhavini said:
^^He's of the opinion that it's the same if we hurt each other's feelings while having a private conversation, or if we do it in front of other people..so he's like "Haven't you said things that hurt my feelings too?". I'm like "Yeah, but not in front of other people!"

Am I somehow at fault here?
Click to expand...

I don't think so - I would be pissed as well.
 
#8
Irishgal said:
How could you be at fault? I don't think you are, how could it possibly be OK to be mean in front of others?
Click to expand...

I totally agree. Sounds like you need a heart to heart... sounds corny, but make sure to start sentences off with "I feel _____". You both need to get on the same page.
 
#9
I've noticed before that people behave differently around their family of origin. I've done it with my DH and he has done it with me. It's like you fall back into the family for a short while and the SO becomes the outsider for awhile. We say things that we wouldn't say to each other in private- often it's a joking manner with an underlying criticism. My DH pointed it out to me once asking why I embarrass him around my family. I wasn't even aware of it until he said something and then I realized I was using them for moral support while I pointed out pesky things that bugged me about him but didn't dare say to him. Once I was aware of it and how it bothered him I apologized and quit doing it.
I don't know if this was your situation or not but the best way to handle it is to talk about it.
 
#10
From experience, it never works in an argument when you attack other people. (That's called 'going for the jugular.' It's not the most productive way of fighting, but some people fight like that.)


I agree with Megs. Stick with 'I feel . . .' statements. As much as you want to, do NOT attack him.

Just tell him that what he said wasn't cool . . . ESPECIALLY in front of people!
 
#11
Although I'm not a mother yet, pretty much this same thing has happened to me with my husband--numerous times.

I don't think that men understand that things like that should not be blurted for everyone to hear, or said at all in the first place. Mainly, I think it's just that men are not as "personal" as we are.

Secondly, my husband's family is a lot more open than mine is--so he thinks nothing of telling his mom things like that. Where I would never go to my parents and talk badly about him, I chose to keep it between just him and I. Also, his family is a lot more laid back--their way of showing each other that they love one another is to make fun of each other. So his family thinks nothing of making fun of me (mainly for how much I spend on purses..go figure) and I get offended by it...where my husband sees nothing wrong with it.

It's weird. But anyway, I feel your pain :smile: My husband has stopped doing it, but only after numerous fights about it. Just make sure to stand your ground about it so that your SO knows your serious and that it really does hurt you when he does it!
 
#12
You are not at fault. Hopefully he just blurted it out without realizing where he was at the moment :shrugs: and he is just can't admit it was wrong now? I guess in a nice way tell him that doesn't happen again because you would not do that to him, just a mutual respect thing. On the side all kids get wound up a bit at present/party time, isn't that pretty normal?
 
#13
My bf did the same. We were in Cali visiting his family and he kept on bringing up "Why are you so neat you're never this neat" and "Why are you not looking at the purse forum, because you know it's abnormal so you don't do it in front of them" ....he says this in front of his family! I was so mortified.
I mean, he says he was trying to make me "realize what I do normally are bad habits" but it just made me mad at him. =(
 
#14
I don't think you're wrong to get mad, cos it's quite justified. Or at least I know I would be really ticked if the bf was to do that.

Maybe just try to highlight the fact that you didn't like being embarrassed this way, and you would appreciate it if he made comments like that only when the both of you were alone?
 
#15
I think it was rude and passive aggressive of him. If he has issues with your parenting style, or anything else about you, he's had ample opportunities to bring up the topic before Christmas, of all days. I know I don't know him or anything, but he should know better that something said in private is not the same as what is said in front of his family. He may think it's the same, but it's actually pretty condescending and patronizing, IMO. IIRC, your son was in the room at the same time, right? That's not cool at all.
 
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