American Princess Marathon on WE 8-18

  1. Woo-Hoo! What a delightful birthday present, since Mr Puff has to work, I shall console myself with ordering in from our favorite local foodery (halal AND kosher) ;)

    and invite you all to join me in a refined and most intellectual revel n' waller in this testament to what television should be!

  2. LOL Happy Birthday to you!!!!
  3. Thanks Hubba! :smile:

    Well the girls are off to a most un-princess-like start.

    Why couldn't they have just agreed on which two groups of 4 wanted to room together, and then go to the two girls nobody wanted to room with and say, look, we four all want to room together, those four have bonded, so maybe you guys would like to take the room that holds two, since you want to room together.

    But no, they present it like, take the holds two room because nobody else wants to room with either of you two!

    I mean, this would not be a hard situation, manners-wise, I don't think, even for the average cement yard goat. But apparently it just never occurred to these aspiring societal ornaments to JUST DIVIDE INTO 2 GROUPS OF FO's, HO'S!
  4. I'm sorry but some of those girls are just plain fugly.
  5. I believe the preferred term is "plain."

    My speculation is that they may have been encouraged by the producers to give the impression that they were, as one of the girls themselves put it "raised by wolves."

    Crystal is just not the ideal moderator for these group meetings. A meeting to discover everyone's good qualities?

    Now that Angela is a piece of work, and it is understandable that the girls would have a real and urgent need for some palliative treatment for that last nerve she's been working, but come on! A drunken orangutan could come up with a more tactful lie than that everybody's good qualities crap!

    Just say there are some tensions and we need to talk about it. Angela knows she's obnoxious, she as much as announced that she will be as obnoxious as possible.

    Anyway, forget princess. Crystal is not ready to be hall captain in a high school dorm.

    And the "beaux!" I don't know whether to feel sorry for them or point and laugh. Or both.

    But I am being unfair. Not all British nobility have an actual title to sell to American reality shows. Some only have sons to rent.
  6. Whoa! Molly is a hot mess!
    Here's what happened. The girls decide to let off some steam, get away from their strict English princessology teacher and go to a pub.

    They think their waiter is cute, and start teasing him, and a couple of the girls make some remarks that while decidely inappropriate by my own admittedly archaic and somewhat prim standards on public utterances directed to waitstaff, are frankly not anything terribly remarkable in the context of very young people in a stressful situation enjoying a break from their stress that includes alcoholic beverages.

    But they manage to run afoul of the goodwill of the pub manager, I guess, who scolds them for monopolizing the waiter, and asks if they wish to pay his wages for the night, the implication being that there are other customers, and he has other tables, other duties.

    And a lady that I guess is a waitress, because she was collecting glasses from the table, but as she was collecting them she starts reading them for trash about the inappropriateness of some of the remarks made to the waiter. Crystal tries to argue with her, but is dismissed as the waitress leaves the scene.

    So Angela the obnoxious goes over to apologize for the crude and rude behavior of her companions, and I guess to explain to them that she is not like them, she is real princess material.

    But out of left field, Molly, the one with knee-length hair who has never before left Amarillo except to go to camp once, bursts into tears, declaring - are you ready? - that she is so embarrassed by being there with them, that she feels she has disappointed her parents.

    This incident is such a Big Deal that even after they get back to their manor, Angela and Crystal continue arguing about how Angela should not have apologized because they are supposed to be a cohesive group, and the princessology teacher calls a meeting, during which Molly cries and keeps on about this disappointing her parents thing, which of course makes no sense and princessology teacher shows great wisdom by not trying to make any sense out of it, but encouraging Molly to have confidence and say something positive.

    But she also admonishes Crystal, who tries to explain that all she did was tell the indignant waitress that she was just giving them a hard time because she (the waitress) was a ****ing English person. Or something bleeped out, but I got me some lip reading skillz.

    Jean, the princessology teacher, explains that when you go so far over the top, people do not respect you.

    After that, it is time for the girls to learn how to eat using utensils, apparently a custom quite unknown to them.

    If you were sitting in Kuala Lampur or Vienna or somewhere watching this show, you would think that knives and forks are not used in the United States, and plates only on special occasions, when all the family bends over and laps up the dish together.
  7. Oh I forgot, princesses probably aren't allowed to use the term "fugly" LOL.
  8. Well, the teacher didn't seem to encouraged by the girls' efforts to embrace the knife and fork lifestyle, so they sent them off skeet shooting, and whoever won would get to pick two friends and go to a fancy spa with the fancy "beaux," which would, it turns out, be the occasion of the second instance of use of "fancy" as a verb on the part of an American Princess contestant, the first being the now mercifully eliminated awful Angela.

    Hot Mess Molly was expected to win the skeet shoot, since she is from Texas where everybody learns to shoot as an infant, but apparently they don't learn to shoot skeet, and so while the winners, two dark horses coming up on the outside who actually might win - one of them, Niqui, has what used be called "good bearing," and the other one, a sweet and innocent blond named Michelle, demonstrated her princess potential by choosing her escort by having each of the "beaux" pick a number, so no one's feelings would be hurt.

    Gossip abounds though, about this or that one having crushes on or having caught the eye of, the "beaux," and it was in this context that Michelle caused the American Use of Fancy as a Verb Meter to click up to two.

    Meanwhile, the girls who didn't win the trip to the spa stayed home and were presented by their teacher with a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle, because princesses need to learn patience.

    Molly decides to try a glass of white wine, and succeeds in drinking it without feeling that she is disappointing her parents. And yet another milestone in her journey toward princesshood - she goes off to study polo to be prepared for the next day's challenge, while the date-goers return, giggling and tipsy, and all but Molly tumble around and gossip in their pjs until the teacher makes them go to bed.

    But her efforts are in vain. She and Crystal, who says teacher Jean, has grown on her, and she does seem to have improved, but out she goes anyway, and then there are four. One, says Jean, has an attitude, and fails to look happy all the time, the Barbie-esque and princessy one is just too robotic, even though she tries to explain that she is naturally this way, then they have the sweet innocent blond Michelle, who lacks confidence, and Niqui, the only Person of Flava remaining, has a tongue stud.

    Princess Tamara is brought forth to hang with the girls, and barely makes it out before they all pile, with the "beaux" into an empty hot tub. Not the sort of thing even the most modern relict of the poor old Bourbons can be caught on tape doing, and then they are dressed in blendintothewoodwork suits and made to give a speech on the differences in US and UK class systems.

    They all do a terrible job. thus proving that they are ready to give bad speeches with the best of 'em, and Carol is eliminated and fails to look happy.
  9. oh drama! They bring back the eliminated ones and let them ask the remaining contestants questions, and Angela the Awful spits smack until the moderator dude suggests that she STFU, but in a very refined English person way and with lots of decorum.

    The contestants go sit on a bed and cry and Angela continues to spit smack, via video diary so the moderator dude can't bother her.

    Even though it is Michelle that everybody thinks is most hated by the eliminatees, the one they vote off is the other blonde, the Barboid, who in a moving farewell speech explains that she really is like that, she is not fake, that is just her personality, and even though she has been kind to everybody they can't get past her Barbie image.

    The girls also attend a traditional Scottish dinner where poetry is read to a sheep stomach before stabbing it with a knife. Then the guests eat it. Or they are supposed to. This is to teach the girls that princesses must be prepared to eat haggis, or at least make people think they did.

    Oh but all of a sudden we find out that the Real British Title is Lady Blithfield. So the show should really be called American Lady.

    The remaining two, Niqui and Michelle, have to give toasts at a ball. They were taught how to do that last week. Niqui doesn't do her toast right. She forgets to say whom she is toasting. Or maybe she forgets to stab a haggis.

    Of course, Michelle is going to win, but the "experts" try very hard not to sound condescending when they talk about Niqui.

    I googled, after the show, and found out that Michelle has returned to her regular American life, but does still use a knife and fork when she eats, because the experience really Changed her.