Am I being selfish? *long*

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Couturegrl

Couturegrl

Addicted to Tiffany's
O.G.
Apr 24, 2006
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#1
Here is the situation:

WEEKS ago, I planned a mani/pedi appt. for myself and my mom for Mother's Day. I have been really excited about it b/c my Mom and I NEVER get to do things with just the two of us.

Well, this morning, she comes up to me and says that she wants to call the nail salon and get an appointment for my younger sister, too.

I told her that:

1-there is no way that the salon has any appts. open on a Saturday, especially today since it is the day before Mother's Day and

2-I was really hoping to have it be just the two of us since we never do things together...my sister ALWAYS comes, which is usually fine, but not today.

Then my Mom gives me a huge guilt trip and I told her that my sister should just take my appointment and the two of them could go tomorrow.

I just feel like crying b/c I was SO excited about going with her today and now I feel that its ruined.:crybaby:

Someone please give me advice...I am so upset that my plans for me and my Mom have essentially been blown out of the water.:sad:
 
#2
Take this for what you will, but I think it was sort of crummy for your mom to agree to allow your little sister to take your place. I'd be upset too. I mean, you were the one to set the whole thing up. But, if the damage is done, maybe you can meet them for lunch or something? Is your little sister very manipulative when it comes to your mom? If so, schedule another date with your mom but tell her that little sis can't come along WELL beforehand. That way when little sis tries to wile her way into a free trip to the spa etc, your mom has no choice but to say no.
 
#3
i am so so sorry i feel for you Couturegrl :sad:... i totally understand that you wanted it to be your gift for your Mum and u wanted to spend that time only with her and i wish she saw it from a different perspective - no guilt trips were needed here at all ! its hard to say why she did that and i dont want to go into delicate family matters - maybe she is simply used to you 3 doing things together ? but u did give her your reason and i know my mum wouldnt mind at all and would be delighted ... did your mum say that your sis will take your appointment then and they will go together just the two of them ? :shrugs:
 
#4
Why don't you tell your sister to back off, I would. Tell your sis that you wanted to spend time with your mother by yourself. I am sure she'll understand. Tell your sis to meet y'all for lunch or dinner or something else just not the spa.
 
#5
My Mom and my sister have a very close bond and they are attached at the hip all the time. They have a wonderful relationship. Also, their schedules are very similar so they have time to spend together.

She makes me feel bad because she just told me that "well I don't like to exclude people because I am a very caring person and don't like to hurt other's feelings".

And I said "well I understand that but you just hurt mine"

And she replied with "I wouldn't have hurt your feelings if you would just agree to include your sister in the first place".

I don't even know if we are going to go anymore at this point...she just stormed back to her room...I feel so miserable right now.
 
#6
SonyaPhi said:
Why don't you tell your sister to back off, I would. Tell your sis that you wanted to spend time with your mother by yourself. I am sure she'll understand. Tell your sis to meet y'all for lunch or dinner or something else just not the spa.
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This would just make the problem worse...she feels that she basically 'owns' all of my Mom's free time. Plus, she is my Mom's baby so confronting my sister would just make things worse.

Stuff like this has happened in the past and I don't do/say anything about it, but today I just can't handle it again.
 
#7
Couturegrl said:
My Mom and my sister have a very close bond and they are attached at the hip all the time. They have a wonderful relationship. Also, their schedules are very similar so they have time to spend together.

She makes me feel bad because she just told me that "well I don't like to exclude people because I am a very caring person and don't like to hurt other's feelings".

And I said "well I understand that but you just hurt mine"

And she replied with "I wouldn't have hurt your feelings if you would just agree to include your sister in the first place".

I don't even know if we are going to go anymore at this point...she just stormed back to her room...I feel so miserable right now.
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oh gosh there are gazillions of hugs flying from me to you:heart:... your mum obviously doesnt WANT to see what the situation is. Could you not maybe try the nice way, go to her room and in the calmest of ways tell her- Mum i never meant to hurt your feelings. Its not my fault that my schedule wont let me spend as much time with you as i would like to and as you and my sis can. Im not excluding her in any way i just thought me& you time would be a great idea, you and sis spend a lot time together just the two of you and i would love some quality time like that too. - if she doesnt respond to that, i dont know what else you could do ...more hugs your way :yes:
 
#8
Ugh, I'm so sorry, couturegrl. This sounds like your mother's issue rather than yours, there's no reason for her to chastise you about doing something nice for her! I mean, what parent doesn't do things individually with all of their children - I come from a big family (6 siblings) and my parents (and stepparents) were always careful to make sure that each kid got to spend time alone with them as well as together. It's not about exclusion, it's about getting to know each of your kids on a more personal level. You just wanted to reconnect with your mom.
 
#9
Thank you guys so much...I am in the living room and she is still storming all over the house, so I think I will wait a bit and then try and talk to her.
 
#10
Set up something for just you and your mom at a spa next week.

When you tell your mother about the spa, tell her you want to spend quality time with her.



I'm closer to my dad than my mom and sometimes I want to do things with just my dad. My dad and I will plan things and then make sure my mom has plans of her own so we don't feel like we're shutting her out. That way, she's not upset and we get to have dinner at a restaurant she's not too fond of.
 
#12
I don't think there's anything wrong with spending some time alone with your mom. Does she want to spend any alone time with your dad, or with any of her friends? This is the same situation.
 
#13
I think it's definently very sweet that you want to spend quality time alone with your mom for mothers day but that's just it...She's a mother and she also has another child...

Is there any way you can put your differences aside from your sister and both celebrate with your mother?
 
#14
Couturegrl said:
"well I don't like to exclude people because I am a very caring person and don't like to hurt other's feelings".

And she replied with "I wouldn't have hurt your feelings if you would just agree to include your sister in the first place".
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Interesting, do THEY exclude you from their activities?

Personally, I think your mom is being ridiculous and playing favorites! It's perfectly acceptable to spend time with each child on their own especially when the children are adults. I spend all day with my littlest and I will, on occasion, take my youngest to childcare so I can take my older son to do something HE wants to do so it's just us. It's important to develop a bond with BOTH children seperately. You weren't even doing it on Mother's Day. If your sisters chooses she will still get to spend that time with mom.
 
#15
I'm so sorry! I would be just as upset as you. It sounds like it is a little bit difficult for you to talk to your mom and sister? I don't think it was right of your mom to let your sister take your place. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend separate time together once in a while. Maybe sometime you could explain to your mother that now you feel bad because you were very much looking forward to going to the appointment and spending some time together, just the two of you since it doesn't happen very often. Tell her how much your time together means to you, and sometimes it's nice to do things together alone.
 
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