Always buying, feeling guilty!

[Dana in CA]

I think I need someone to tell me it's not so bad... I am always shopping. Whether it be purses, high end jeans, cosmetics, etc. I agreed with my husband on New Years eve that I would cut back but it's just easier said than done. We have the funds for my shopping sprees but my husband is very conservative financially and doesn't share my passion for designer items. I think the more he pulls me back, the more I spend! LOL. Anyway, today I bought a Marc Jacobs Blake bag and now I am looking into the MJ Stam (I will resist temptation, or so I keep telling myself).

So I'm wondering if any of you have husbands/boyfriends who are unsupportive of your shopping habits too? Also, how do you stop feeling bad about how much you spend on fashion?

 

[BagLadie]

I can totally relate. My husband understands my obsession for shopping (whether it's bags, makeup, clothes) but I tend to be over the top. He is also veryyyy conservative and a big saver. We are totaly opposites. In the end I usually win and get what I want if I really want something - but I do thank god for him or we would be in total debt! I don't buy designer bags all the time though - that's just a couple times a year. I do spend money on clothes and other things more than I should. I love to shop!!!!

 

[annemerrick]

Dana....I am right there with you!!! I don't tell my husband when I have bought something, and just hope when I wear it, he thinks I look good!!!! I am assuming he believes the clothes are magically appearing in my closet!!!

 

[kore]

That doesn't sound like fun! You should be able to enjoy your purchases. Would your husband be amenable to setting aside a certain amount of money for new clothes/purchases each month? If you can afford it, and it's not hurting your financial future, you should be able to enjoy some of your money. I imagine that that would be better, for your finances and your marriage, than having to hide your purchases.

 

[Sabine]

Do you feel you shop to much?

 

[aarti]

I make myself too guilty, no need for a SO!

 

[Rose]

I only feel guilty if I buy something that then just sits in my wardrobe without being used. If I use my purchases, I feel it's money well spent.

 

[JNH14]

It's interesting that this topic came up on STAR94 here in Atlanta the other day. Vickie asked everyone what the average woman spent in her lifetime on clothing, shoes etc. that she bought and then never wore. I was amazed to hear that it was $20,000 over a lifetime. I can honestly say-I have clothes, shoes etc. hanging in my closet or given away that I never used. Sometimes it's like a sickness! I see a good deal and want it-then never use it. Thank God for consignment shops!

 

[viba424]

I think I need someone to tell me it's not so bad... I am always shopping. Whether it be purses, high end jeans, cosmetics, etc. I agreed with my husband on New Years eve that I would cut back but it's just easier said than done. We have the funds for my shopping sprees but my husband is very conservative financially and doesn't share my passion for designer items. I think the more he pulls me back, the more I spend! LOL. Anyway, today I bought a Marc Jacobs Blake bag and now I am looking into the MJ Stam (I will resist temptation, or so I keep telling myself).

So I'm wondering if any of you have husbands/boyfriends who are unsupportive of your shopping habits too? Also, how do you stop feeling bad about how much you spend on fashion?

I completely understand where you are coming from. I have the exact same problem with constantly wanting to shop for designer bags, cosmetics, etc. I think it is an impulse problem for me, because I will get obsessed, then lose interest a week later. My shopping increases if I am anticipating finding good deals, as if it is a challenge. Also, this is a rough time of year for those unnecessary, impulse purchases because its the best time to find those designer labels on sale. I have to ask myself, do I need that stupid chloe jacket because I NEED a jacket, of because its 65% off and its Chloe?

I think all things are relative. My husband is supportive of my shopping to a certain extent; he will let me know what is cute and what isnt and I feel that is a good meeting point, and that allows me to return some items and keep others. He appreciates quality and designer labels to a certain extent, and tells me I should buy it if it makes me feel good (up to a point!) If youre feeling guilty, its because you know you're going too far. If you want to buy the designer jeans because it fills a legitimate hole in your wardrobe, you should do it. But dont feel like you need to have everything top dollar. Besides, the older I get, I know what I need is clothes and shoes for work, not jeans, sweaters, fun little handbags and high heels. My husband asked me "how many times are you going to wear that big ol cowl neck sweater anyway" (I thought it was so great and I needed it so badly)

I hear is a lot of girls saying they're so incredibly worth it. I worry about that a little, no offense to anyone. Maybe you have a ton of money, or someone you know gives it to you. When I feel myself getting greedy, I start to think about what my husband does for me, and what my family did for me growing up. He never spends that kind of money on himself; but he will get nice things for US. He lets me splurge, and I do...a little. He has no debt, he has a huge amount of savings, and I want him to know that I respect him for being financially responsible for us, and I want to do the same for him. When I start to think one or two designer handbags is not enough, I look at the girls on the street who look happy and cute, I dont see big bucks; I see a balance of originality in what they wear, simplicity, and fun. Its a real drag feeling guilty too.

Do what I have just started doing. Have a budget. Have no credit card balance. Then when you want something, you dont have to feel guilty. Also, you're not Paris Hilton, you don't need one in every color! (Im lecturing myself here too). Does it fill a hole in your wardrobe? Did you think you needed it before you saw it? Your husband will be a lot more excited for you if you really had good reasons for your big purchases. At least in my case, I keep telling myself how I would just die if my husband thought I was selfish person or a financial drain. Its both of your money now. He'll love you all the same. Good luck!

I know you can do it!

 

[alanaofthebay]

I know one person in the relationship should be the non-shopper. Two spenders in one relationship can be disaster, lol. Two anorexic spenders in one relationship are equally bad. Actually, my mother was the more conservative spender in my family, and my father more free with money, so she managed the checkbook and took care of the bills, etc.

I think it just depends on your priorities. Generally speaking, because I do not know anyone's financial situation, if people have a certain amount of disposable income, they should plan out how much of it they want to spend on what. Are vacations a priority? Dinners out? I personally spent most of my "fun money" on travelling the last 4 years, and I am kind of travelled out, lol. I find myself looking at the little luxuries I can enjoy at home instead.

 

[Kimmi]

Excellent post Viba.

 

[SatchelGirlJess]

I can totally relate Dana. Although, sometimes I WISH I had a husband that told me to stop sometimes. My DH grew up with a Mom and two sisters that were just as big of shoppers as I am so he's used to it and when I see something I really like he always says, "well, get it."

The other night he actually said "I like your bag collection, it makes me happy to see you get things you want." Umm, I know. I know!! Many women would KILL to hear this sort of shopping support from their husbands but even though he's so sweet and wants to see me happy I really can't help but feel bad. We both make really MODERATE salaries, I actually make slightly more than he does but I am also the one who takes care of the finances 100%. I never put my shopping sprees on credit card but even spending cash on these things makes me feel bad 'cause where could that money go... to SAVINGS!

I know I am addicted to clothes, cosmetics, bags, and shoes but I think I need to get addicted to saving 'cause even though we have no children, are young, and use cash to fund my shopping I still can't help but think... WOW, I could have just put all that money into savings.

Truth be told, we BOTH love to spend money unfortunately. We go on at least 3 vacations a year and I am never without. DH does NOT share my passion for clothing, or ANYTHING designer at all, but he does love to spend money going on trips. Some people tell us, "ehh, don't worry about it.. you guys are young, you have no children, enjoy it while you can." But in the back of my head I am thinking "WOAH, this should be the time we SAVE for the future."

aye, I know, all such dillemas. But Dana, if you made a pact to spend less in the New Year maybe you can device a financial plan on what exactly you can spend, and maybe even put some aside for a certain benchmark to reward yourself. For example, something like, "Well, if I can "do good" until the end of April (or whenever), I can buy myself this." That way you have something to work toward and something to look forward to.

Good luck!

 

[pquiles]

I'm doomed. I'm an out of control shopaholic. Ican't resist a great sale,

 

[pquiles]

I'm doomed. I'm an out of control shopaholic. Ican't resist a great sale,

 

[coach_prada]

I'm pretty doomed too.....
I don't like to go into a store and come out with nothing. I also don't get much joy out of "looking" I get joy out of BUYING :devil: Nothing beats the feeling of taking a brand new item out for the very first time
There was a big sale going on at a store acorss the street the other day....lots of boots...(not designer) marked down SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH.....I am so proud of myself for not buying them though. It was so hard...

Whats hilarious is how I used to HATE shopping