alone on valentine's day

jc2239

jc2239

O.G.
Nov 28, 2005
4,818
8
#1
my boyfriend of five years and i broke up the day before valentine's day and i've been trying to deal with it alone but it's just really hard and i was hoping u ladies could maybe make me feel better........it makes me soso sad to hear people talk about their valentine's days and the gifts they received

i just felt like we were at different places in our lives......i'm a young law student and surrounded by people that are older/more mature than i am whereas my boyfriend is still in college and plays computer games all day (and night).......he treats me like a princess when we're together, but he treats me like crap on the 6/7 days of the week that we're not (would be mean to me/ignore me)......i guess our biggest issue was just that he would completely ignore me because of his games.....it'd be christmas and he'd be ignoring me because he's playing his games......

i know it doesn't seem like that big a deal but just arguing over it day after day gets to u.......i wonder if i did the right thing and if i should look at how he treats me when we're together but i don't know.....he says i'm too needy/selfish but i feel like i deserve somebody who talks to me because he wants to and not because he feels obligated and who treats me like a princess all the time......

i guess my biggest problem now is just i've been with this guy since i was 16 and i dont' know how to do anything alone.........there're so many things (computer-wise) that i don't know how to do without him......and just the loneliness is driving me crazy.....this is the first time i've been without a boyfriend since my early teenage years and i feel myself looking around like crazy for someone to fill the void......
 
#2
Based on what you just wrote, I can tell that you are better off without this jackass. Sorry about the breakup, I know it sucks, but he sounds like a lousy boyfriend.

It's time to focus on what makes you happy and taking care of yourself.

And now, you have learned what NOT to put up with.
 
#3
you are looking for someone mature, who is interested in a RELATIONSHIP. your ex will snap out of his game phase eventually, but it will be too late to realize what he missed with you. being good to you 1/7 days is not worth your time. you appear to have a bright future- grab someone who shares your goals and dreams!
 
#4
first of all *a million hugs for you*

ending a long-term relationship that needs to be ended is an INCREDIBLY brave thing to do. it would be so easy to just go along with it and ignore the problems and opt for what's comfortable, but you deserve more than that. you deserve someone that treats you wonderfully all the time, not just occasionally, and you deserve nothing less; you shouldn't settle for anything less.

you're so young and have so many opprotunities in front of you that there's no reason you should stay in a relationship that doesn't make you feel good at least 95% of the time (i omit the 5% because, hey, everyone fights). do not sell yourself short.

ending it was an incredibly strong thing to do, and you wouldn't have done it if, deep down, you didn't know that it was for the best. particularly this time of year, there's so many things out there that tell you to look blindly to love, but sometimes that's not the best thing for a particular person. you have to be true to yourself, and when you do that, someone that treats you how you should be treated will come along. you've opened yourself up to a host of new experiences, so try to be optimistic. you'll be in my thoughts!
 
#5
jane & pursedoc.........thank u so much for ur support it's nice to be able to talk about it with people and just hear words or comfort since i haven't told any of my friends yet.......

amanda........for some reason ur post just makes me tear up.......ur words resonate so much with me because i've always suspected that part of the reason i've stayed so long with him was fear of being alone/comfort.......i can't imagine having to start a new relationship-i feel like i've forgotten how

thank u all so much for ur support......i love how we can bond over our bags and that we also care for each other on a deeper level.......the forum always amazes me with its support for others
 
#6
Sending good vibes your way! Don't worry about a thing, 'cuz every little thing, is gonna be alright...

Let me guess, was he busy playing World Of Warcraft? Please tell me he does, because then I can tell you a story of my own. I was in a similar situation with Megs before, playing too much of that stupid game made me lose a sense of reality and I forgot about the things that mattered most in life.

My advice, don't freak because you think you can't make it on your own. Every person is well capable of getting through this world, and while it may be scary at first, I am more than sure you can do just fine without him, or anyone else filling the "void". I think a little alone time may not even do you that bad, you'll soon come to think differently, gain new perspectives. Don't be scared, you can do it!
 
#7
Sorry to hear about it, but like the others said, it took a lot of courage for you to do what you did. In the end, it sounds like you made the right decision. I've had some tough breakups as well, but they turned out mostly for the better :biggrin: I'm sure you'll do fine, and we'll be here to support/entertain you right through!

Maybe you'll make some new friends in law school that are of a like mind that will make the days of recovering go by faster. Stay strong girl~! :biggrin:
 
#8
Everything falls into place, just give it time. Stressing over things generally doesn't give you an advantage or gets you to places faster.
 
#9
I think the timing of your breakup is a signal that you needed to re-evaluate your status together, but did you know it is very common for people to discover a different perspective on these "anniversary" dates? Think it over and try to really ask yourself if he is for you. If he is not so fantastic....move on.
 
#10
Vlad said:
Let me guess, was he busy playing World Of Warcraft? Please tell me he does, because then I can tell you a story of my own. I was in a similar situation with Megs before, playing too much of that stupid game made me lose a sense of reality and I forgot about the things that mattered most in life.
Click to expand...

Vlad ur amazing.......it is WoW......he plays this game from the second he wakes up (which is usually about 3 PM and if i try to wake him earlier he *****es at me) until about 5-6 AM on a normal day........then goes to sleep til the middle of the next day and then again and yes he has lots all sense of reality........before WoW it was some other game, and i'm sure if he's ever over WoW it'll just be something else....

but i'm happy to hear that you and Megs got through it......strangely enough i've actually heard about a lot of couples breaking up over WoW.......
 
#11
jc2239 said:
amanda........for some reason ur post just makes me tear up.......ur words resonate so much with me because i've always suspected that part of the reason i've stayed so long with him was fear of being alone/comfort.......i can't imagine having to start a new relationship-i feel like i've forgotten how
Click to expand...

i won't say i know how you feel, because no one does, but i had a similar problem when my previous boyfriend broke up with me when i started college. i had been with him for about a year and a half and wasn't really happy in the relationship, but i was too scared to do anything about it because i thought maybe no one else would ever come along. he broke up with me (and started dating my best friend - but that's a whooole 'nother thread) and i thought the world was going to come caving in - but it didn't.

it took some time and adjustment, and i was an utter mess for a while, but i made it through with the help of my friends, and four weeks later i randomly met a guy at a college football game, talked to him for a while, and then went our separate ways. two weeks later, at another game, in a stadium of 93,000 people, i ran into him again.

a year and four months later, he is resting his head on my shoulder as a type this.

i'm not sure if i believe in God, but if he's up there, he works in mysterious ways.
 
#12
Noriko & Star.....thank u soso much for ur kind words and i know this is incredibly shallow :biggrin: but i actually feel alot better about everything when i think about the gorgeous bags u ladies have and just looking at photos of Noriko's gorgeous chanel watch and Star's Chanel reissue

Amanda....it sounds like fate how you and your boyfriend found each other again.....maybe i'm a hopeless romantic but i feel like somehow we all eventuall end up with someone we're meant to be with......it might take a few tries but i really hope that we all are supposed to get there.....at this point i'm just really afraid that i'll give into my weakness/loneliness and go crawling back to him even though i know he doesn't deserve that......must be strong.....think new bags :nuts:


i guess i'm also having a hard time because i can't even show that i'm hurting.......i have traditional traditional asian parents and even though i'm 21 i'm still not allowed to date so they don't even know about him.......
 
#13
i broke up with my boyfriend of 2 years a while ago and i know how you feel. all i can suggest is don't spend time alone at home being miserable! go out as much as you can, meet friends, go clubbing. even if you don't feel like it at all, it will get your mind off your break up. it helped me. at least until now, when i'm home again and adjusting to the fact that i may die alone.
but seriously, it's a lame thing to say but believe me, time does heal all wounds and soon you'll be looking back and realizing that breaking up was the best decision.
 
#14
jc2239 said:
Vlad ur amazing.......it is WoW......he plays this game from the second he wakes up (which is usually about 3 PM and if i try to wake him earlier he *****es at me) until about 5-6 AM on a normal day........then goes to sleep til the middle of the next day and then again and yes he has lots all sense of reality........before WoW it was some other game, and i'm sure if he's ever over WoW it'll just be something else....

but i'm happy to hear that you and Megs got through it......strangely enough i've actually heard about a lot of couples breaking up over WoW.......
Click to expand...

Let me now tell you something about it, just because I have quite extensive experience with the matter myself.

You wouldn't think that a sane, somewhat intelligent 25 y.o. guy like me would get addicted to an online computer game like I did. But you have to understand, the game is like crack. Think heroin is addicting? Heroin is like chocolate cupcakes compared to it. Insane, but true: In the last 12 month since I got the game and got involved with it, I had spent 1,350+ hours playing and developing my character. 55+ days, almost 2 months. 1/6 of a year I spent playing it. Insanity, and I didn't even know it had happened.

What was the result? Megs and I had big troubles in our relationship, I didn't keep significant promises I made to her, my health went down the drain, and many other things that were once absolutely invaluable to me were neglected like they never existed. I took two longer breaks from the game, two months in Aug/Sept and another month and a half in December, early January. In mid January I kinda picked it back up, played occasionally, maybe once a week (which was almost unheard of)... two days ago, I noticed how much time I had spent on it, and I had a revelation. I deleted my precious character, deleted the game off the harddrive and smashed the CDs into little pieces.

Best thing I have ever done. Truth is, it's hard to convince an addict that he's addicted, just like I was glued to the screen countless hours playing it, so is your ex. Unless someone puts some pressure on him, or something happens to him health wise, he won't realize he is wasting his life away. He already wasted you away, but he doesn't seem to care much.

All this rambling maybe gave you an idea of what goes on with him. All I can tell you again, massive multiplayer online role playing games are the devil, many people have lost their jobs to 'em, lost their families and marriages, their health... it's nothing to play around with. Maybe, if you still care for him, you should kick him in the nuts and drag his sorry ass back to reality.
 
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