alone on valentine's day

#31
JC First (((BIG HUGS))) Second we are here for you! You do not deserve to be treated like a doormat! HE is the selfish one! It's hard when you have been with someone for so long...Change is scary, but you deserve to be treated with respect! Don't feel like you are nothing without a man by your side. I have been there, done that, and in that process made some very bad choices in men. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. I never thought I would get married, but at the ripe old age of 37 I found the man I wish to spend the rest of my life with! We have been married 3 years now! I am proof that the right one will come along, It just may take a while, or in my case 25 years......Hugs and Love, aw
 
#32
JC,
uuummmmm....I don't know how to explain this but i really think i can understand how you feel. My boyfriend of almost 5 years (going to be in july) was addicted to that world of warcraft game. I was so sick of it, he would play whenever he was not at school or work. That is what he did on his free time period! I had threatened to break up with him many many times but eventually i felt bad for leaving him for a game problem plus my time of 5 yrs. So, we compromised b/c we had too (plus i wasn't going to put up with that crap). i think the only way you can fix this kind of relationship is if he does his part, and it seems that your bf is not willing to.And b/c of that, he does NOT deserve you. You are going to be a successful lawyer in the future and you don't need anyone to hold you back. you definitely don't need any serious problems to distract you from your schoolwork. Note: you need to make sure you do well in school so that in the future, you can finally buy a birkin! lol
 
#33
BIG HUG!! And here's my two cents:

I know you're feeling down right now and that's completely normal. I'd be more concerned if you weren't sad. But being treated like a princess only 1/7 days is NOT good, especially when the remaining 6/7 is crappy.... That's only 14.3% GOOD. That's kinda like failing a test.

I don't know if you're a 1L, 2L or 3L--but law school's pretty hectic without dealing with difficult relationships. I think this is a good time for you to figure out what you like to do, learn how to entertain yourself, enjoy time with your friends, discover new hobbies, even shop for more purses! I wouldn't recommend plunging into a new relationship any time soon. There's something liberating about knowing that you can be on your own.... And it's hard to learn that if you jump from one relationship to another. It's good to enjoy your own company.

If you're feeling down sitting at home--go out. Go to the local bookstore, flip through magazines. Call up a friend and get coffee. Go for a walk. Even check out the forum. You'll get through this. Plus, it's better to be single than to be with someone just so you're not alone...
 
#34
Everything has been pretty much said by everyone else.. I do hope you feel better, and that you realise that this relationship maybe just wasn't meant to be if he can't prioritize you over a game. MMORPGs aren't a life, and people sometimes don't see that - my roommate showed me a screen for FFXI that said "Exploring vana'diel is a thrilling experience. During your time here, you will be able to talk, join,and adventure with many other individuals in an experience that is unique to online games. That being said, we have no desire to see your real life suffer as a consequence. Don't forget your family, your friends, your school, or your work." ..and she used to never go to school because of that game, she failed massively. She even played that game in the washroom (she took her laptop in there.. ugggh).

I understand the difficulty with the conservative Asian parents.. but maybe that's another issue that you should also work on. Your family doesn't want to see you hurt and they forbid it because they want to protect you (and if they're like my family, they want your marks to be A++++ and you can't have distractions for that!).

I hope it all works out, don't worry, we'll always be here for venting purposes !
 
#36
Vlad said:
In the last 12 month since I got the game and got involved with it, I had spent 1,350+ hours playing and developing my character. 55+ days, almost 2 months. 1/6 of a year I spent playing it. Insanity, and I didn't even know it had happened.

... two days ago, I noticed how much time I had spent on it, and I had a revelation. I deleted my precious character, deleted the game off the harddrive and smashed the CDs into little pieces.
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Vlad, you could have eBayed your character/account and taken Megs out to a wonderful meal with the proceeds! Or even gone away for a weekend, if you had that much work into it.

Anyway, congratulations. I've never understood games, but I know they can be powerful draws. And I love hearing stories of self-renewal. I could use a lot more of that in my life.
 
#37
BIG HUGS TO YOU JC2239!!! I kinda of relate to how scary it is to be alone after being in a long-term relationship. You sound like someone who has a lot together and going on, so although it may be hard now, you will be fine. You're tough and deserve someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. To be cliched, if it's meant to be, it will happen, but for the time being, just spend sometime getting to know yourself without the other person, and hang out with your friends. Feel better!
 
#38
JC,
I just wanted to post and send you a hug....I don't post a lot and you don't really know me BUT I do know how you feel.

Trust me on this one....you are a young beautiful woman who deserves to be put above a computer game. :evil: He is being selfish. He does not want you to interrupt his time on his game. Wanting to be first in a relationship does not make you selfish. Wanting a man to pamper and love you is not being selfish.
A mature man would do that happily. :love:

If you have been with him for five years then you have not really been out there dating other men, right? You are still young.

IMO you need to have some alone time first. Learn to be without him and be happy about it. THEN, go put yourself out there. YOU will meet a mature man that will deserve you. ;)

Hang in there JC.....drool over some more handbags...maybe buy yourself one to celebrate your independence! :idea:

Don't ever doubt yourself....
 
#39
jc2239 said:
i guess i'm also having a hard time because i can't even show that i'm hurting.......i have traditional traditional asian parents and even though i'm 21 i'm still not allowed to date so they don't even know about him.......
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You poor girl! You can't even talk to anyone around you about it. So sorry you have to go through this, but you're not alone. Everyone at the Forum is with you!

Not to be cliche' , but "when one door closes, another one opens". You're young, smart, and going to embark on a fantastic career. A man should treat you like the most important thing in his life; whether you are there or not.

Short note: My parents have been married over 50 years. My Mom is a High School teacher (she loves it!). She doesn't like the lunches that they serve at school (who does?) so my Father goes out every morning and buys here something for her to take to school from the local deli. Always a surprise what she gets for lunch. I think that little thing says worlds about their relationship.

A man should be compassionate, thoughtful, and kind.

You'll get through this....you seem to have a lot of strength. Good Luck to you.
 
#40
SuLi said:
BIG HUGS TO YOU JC2239!!! I kinda of relate to how scary it is to be alone after being in a long-term relationship. You sound like someone who has a lot together and going on, so although it may be hard now, you will be fine. You're tough and deserve someone who can treat you the way you deserve to be treated. To be cliched, if it's meant to be, it will happen, but for the time being, just spend sometime getting to know yourself without the other person, and hang out with your friends. Feel better!
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Sorry about the multiple posts. I got divorced 10 years ago to a jerk I had been married to for 10 years (not a good # for me:biggrin: ). I kicked him out and was left with a 2 year old and an infant (3 mos). I was determined to be strong. He thought I would fail and beg him to come back.

I'm remarried now, kids in private school, easy night time job (purse money), fantastic husband and my ex? unemployed with an outstanding bench warrent for past due child support.

Guess I didn't fail. Don't let the sadness get the best of you. You will make it through and look back wondering "what was I thinking?"
 
#41
coco-nut said:
Vlad, you could have eBayed your character/account and taken Megs out to a wonderful meal with the proceeds! Or even gone away for a weekend, if you had that much work into it.

Anyway, congratulations. I've never understood games, but I know they can be powerful draws. And I love hearing stories of self-renewal. I could use a lot more of that in my life.
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No way. Maybe it's a thing of stupid pride, but my creation won't be a work in another one's hands. I rather put her to rest in peace. :P

I'll rather work the extra hours for the dinner cash. :lol:
 
#42
You did the right thing, jc. Hang in there, as vlad said everything will fall into places in no time. I know it's scary to be alone after being with someone for so long, I once broke up with someone of 7 years, I never knew what it meant when people said it hurt in your heart like it's being stabbed before that. The emptiness is excruciating. BUT you have to know that you are brave enough to break up with him, you will be tough enough to be on your own, you have done the toughest part now. Law school must be keeping you busy which is a great thing at this moment. Puppy love or long relationship or marriage, it's the same in terms of you'd hope that the 2 persons grow together, everyone changes, only we hope or try to change in the same direction. When you don't and start moving in different direction, it's a wise thing to let it go.

You are young and will finish your law school, you have a great life ahead of you, so look forward to that. DON'T start looking around to find someone to feel the emptiness, absolutely NOT. I made that mistake and I am still regreting it! You always find the wrong one on a rebound hunt. Take some time on your own, enjoy life, have fun with your friends. The right one will come without you even looking, corny but very true!

Oh in terms of computer problems, ask your friends for help, this is the time to call your friends for help. Or if you have any problems, just post it, ask us, I am sure someone here will be able to help, so don't worry yourself about this little problem.

Big hug!
 
#44
Vlad said:
Who else would you need for all your computer help other than me anyway?
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Exactly, I typed "or Vlad" after "ask us", but didn't want to impose you to help her so took it out before posting. You are great, V! See, jc, no need to worry!
 
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