Airline Humor

  1. Sign up to become a TPF member, and most of the ads you see will disappear. It's free and quick to sign up, so join the discussion right now!
    Dismiss Notice
Our PurseForum community is made possible by displaying online advertisements to our visitors.
Please consider supporting us by disabling your ad blocker. Thank you!
  1. My df won a trip for 2 to Vegas so off we go next month. I have a fear of flying so I frequent a board dealing with this and they also have a humor section. Hope you like it.


    >Here are some conversations that passengers normally don't hear. The
    > > > following are accounts of exchanges between airline pilots and control
    > > > towers from around the world:
    > > > While taxiing, the crew of a US Air flight departing for Fort Lauderdale
    > > > made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate
    > > > female ground controller lashed out at the US Air crew, screaming: "US
    >Air
    > > > 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right onto Charlie
    >taxiway!
    > > > You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's difficult for
    >you
    > > > to tell the difference between Cs and Ds, but get it right!" Continuing
    > > > her tirade to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically:
    > > > "God, you've screwed everything up! It'll take forever to sort this out!
    > > > You stay right there and don't move till I tell you to! You can expect
    > > > progressive taxi instructions in about half an hour and I want you to go
    > > > exactly WHERE I tell you, WHEN I tell you, and HOW I tell you! You got
    > > > that, US Air 2771?"
    > > > "Yes ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
    > > > Naturally the ground control frequency went terribly silent after the
    > > > verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to engage the irate ground
    > > > controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LGA was
    > > > running high. Then an unknown pilot broke the silence and asked,
    >"Wasn't
    > > > I married to you once?"
    > > > ----------------------
    > > > A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach
    > > > speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at
    > > > the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take the Guadalupe exit off
    > > > Highway 101, make a right at the light and return to the airport."
    > > > -------------
    > > > Unknown aircraft: "I'm f...ing bored!"
    > > > Air Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself
    > > > immediately!"
    > > > Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"
    > > > ----------------------
    > > > Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7."
    > > > Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
    >after
    > > > we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the
    > > > runway." Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
    > > > on 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern?" Continental 635:
    > > > "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern
    > > > and we've already notified our caterers."
    > > > --------------------
    > > > The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a short-tempered
    >lot.
    > > > They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location, but how to
    > > > get there without any assistance from them. So it was with some
    >amusement
    > > > that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following exchange between
    >Frankfurt
    > > > ground control and a British Airways 747, call sign "Speedbird 206":
    > > > Speedbird 206: "Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear of active runway."
    > > > Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
    > > > The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
    > > > Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?" Speedbird 206:
    > > > "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location now."
    > > > Ground (with arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you not been to
    > > > Frankfurt before?"
    > > > Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944 but I didn't stop."
    > > > -------------------------
    > > > O'Hare Approach Control: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker,
    >one
    > > > o'clock, three miles, eastbound." United 329:
    > > > "Approach, I've always wanted to say this ... I've got the little Fokker
    > > > in sight."
    > > > ---------------
    > > > A Pan Am 727 flight engineer waiting for start clearance in Munich
    > > > overheard the following:
    > > > Lufthansa (in German): "Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
    > > > Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak English."
    > > > Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
    > > > Germany. Why must I speak English?"
    > > > Unknown voice (in a beautiful British accent): "Because you lost the
    > > > bloody war!"
     
  2. Those are hilarious. I especially enjoyed the last one.
     
  3. the flight I just took, I had to sit next to a guy with a tattoo on his arm of the old hammer and sickle with the words "one shot one kill."

    I mean, what the heck is that all about???
     
  4. the guy don't kill 2 birds with 1 stone.
     
  5. That dude is awesome. :tup: I totally want to be friends with him.
     
  6. Thanks for the good laugh!!! Those were hilarious!!!
     
  7. Omg those were good esp the one about San Jose!