Age you lost your virginity?

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  1. I think there are good points to both sides. If you wait until marriage, it's like you've reserved something special just for your husband. But if you have sex before marriage, you can at least find out if you're sexually compatible instead of waiting until you've done the whole ceremony only to discover that it might not work. So whatever someone chooses will have its good points and bad points. I personally am not sure with what path I'm going to take. Just taking it one step at a time.
     
  2. I said, "In my mind, I feel that I have to deserve to wear that color. Brides originally wore white as a color of celebration, but over time, our society has come to view it as a symbol of virginity, so that's how I view it for myself." I personally feel that I have to deserve to wear white. I would prefer that nonvirgins not wear white, and it bugs me when a nonvirgin wears a white wedding dress, but she deserves to make her own choice on that.
    I think it is sad that people so readily make assumptions about virginity. People used to assume that a girl was a virgin when she married. They no longer do. There was a breakdown of tradition there, and I think it's sad to see that breakdown happen.
    Having sex with someone and then breaking up with them might not bother some people, but it would bother me (and many others) a lot. That's something that can't be reversed.
    I could be wrong, but this statement:
    "oh, and by the way, i'm glad that you're 'fine' with our life choices." sounded bit sarcastic, and sarcasm isn't necessary. And when I said, "As long as you're okay with your decision, that's fine with me" it wasn't a statement directed at you or any other member, it was directed at the general population and didn't pertain specifically to the issue of virginity (sorry that wasn't as clear as I intended it to be:shame: ). I always say, "whatever floats your boat."
    I know that it isn't that simple. I just would prefer not to go into long posts explaining every little detail I can think of (I can ramble on and on going into insanely little details...my teachers always had to tell me not to include every example I could think of)

    I'm really sorry that I keep coming across the wrong way to you...I've been so careful to try to make sure I don't say anything that could be offensive...All I did was state my opinion, and I feel like I'm going in circles trying to defend it:worried: . I'm honestly not judging you.
    One of my best friends isn't a virgin, and the person she had sex with didn't love her, but I didn't dump her as a friend when I found out. I didn't really like the fact that she did that, but I didn't feel it was wrong and I didn't tell her it was. That's what floated her boat at the time, so I can't judge her.

    I feel that giving my virginity before marriage is wrong for me. I don't like that others have sex before marriage, but I won't tell them it's wrong for them.

    ~Tracey
     
  3. I can wear any color I want on my wedding day, be it black, white, or tie-dye. The point is, that no one should have to listen to you bad-mouth the non-virgins that decide(d) to wear white.
     
  4. It's the 'deserve' that bugs the heck out of me.
     
  5. I didn't "bad-mouth" them. I just said that I didn't agree with their decision. That's very different from bad-mouthing. It's not like I ranted and raved and called them names. And I never said that a bride couldn't wear whatever she wants. I just said that I, personally, don't like it when a nonvirgin wears white because tradition has made that color the symbol of virginity.

    Please guys, calm down...:sad2: .

    ~Tracey
     
  6. i find the deserve comment a little offensive too.....i don't mean to be rude but just because you didn't wait until you were married to have sex doesn't mean that you're not bothered by the fact that you had sex with them and ended up breaking up.....i wanted to wait until i was married but it's really hard (and i really admire those who do wait), but i've been with the same guy for 5 years now and he's the only person i've been with......i don't think that you can assume that because someone has sex before marriage they're not a moral person....

    i guess the comment that it bugs you to see people who aren't virgins wear white at their weddings kinda offends me because the people around me are really judgmental about people who have sex before marriage and it's something i have difficult grappling with myself, but i certainly don't think whether or not someone has sex before they're married has anything to do with what type of person they are, and whether they deserve anything or not.....

    and northernbelle i hope i didn't offen you at all i didn't mean to be offensive or rude.......
     
  7. 16...and have no intentions to do that anytime soon :smile:
     
  8. And I have repeatedly said that I feel that I have to deserve to wear white. I didn't say that anyone else has to deserve to wear white. I said that I feel like I have to.

    ~Tracey
     
  9. i know you're not trying be offensive, but sometimes it's really hard to step outside ourselves for a moment and realize that how we're coming across. you say that you find it annoying when a nonvirgin wears a white wedding dress, that you think you deserve to wear one because you are a virgin, but then you say that you don't judge a nonvirgin that wears one - do you see how those two things seem incongruous (if not completely mutually exclusive)? you judge those people as annoying and undeserving; you can say that you don't all you want, and maybe you really believe that you aren't judging them, but based on those statements (which are all i have to go on), you are.

    you also say that we're sad for assuming that someone isn't a virgin, which is certainly a judgement, since it's based on nothing but a change in tradition - you give no reason why the previous tradition was superior in any way (and a lot of us, myself included, really don't think it was), just that it's tradition, and it's sad that we don't follow it. tradition isn't always the best way, there are a lot of BAD traditions (slavery, anyone?), and calling the things we believe sad or us undeserving is certainly a judgement, no matter how much you tell yourself it's not.

    judgement doesn't have to be an all-or-nothing thing. it can be subtle, which yours is (since you don't even realize you're doing it). in the last sentence of your post, you said that you don't like that others have sex before marriage - that's judgemental. why should it matter to you? just because you don't go around telling them to their face that it's wrong (or because you tell them, but it's subtle) doesn't mean that there isn't judgement.

    i'm not trying to start a fight, because i certainly respect you and your choices, i just take issue with the fact that you insist there's no judgement where there clearly is.
     
  10. I think they're still a moral person, because it all depends on their own set of morals they have for themself.

    I wouldn't feel like I was a moral person if I had premarital sex because it's against the little set of morals I have made for myself. That little set of morals applies only to me.

    Regarding the "deserve" issue, please see above^

    ~Tracey
     
  11. i don't think you realize; the whole concept of 'deserve' is inherently judgemental. if you feel like the wearing of the white dress is something that is deserved or not deserved (even if you don't try to enforce it or convince others), there is judgement in that.
     
  12. Tracey,

    If you would like to become a therapist, I think you have a lot of growing up to do first. You are definitely going to have to become more accepting of others and a lot less judgemental. A therapist needs to look at every situation objectively. You have a loooong way to go here.
     
  13. although it may seem harsh, i agree with this. you don't see the judgment in your previous posts, but it's definately there.
     
  14. I said that it annoys me, not that they are annoying. I separate those things in my mind. It';s the concept of a nonvirgin wearing white that annoys me, not the nonvirgin.
    And, again, I didn't say that they were undeserving. I said that I feel that I would be undeserving because it goes against the little set of morals I have made for myself. I would only be judging myself there, because it only pertains to me.
    I believe that the previous tradition is superior because it is an old-fashioned tradition that doesn't hurt anyone. I like old-fashioned things. It is a tradition based on a well-respected decision.
    Saying that I don't like it when people have sex before marriage isn't a judgement, it's just a feeling, because I'm not saying that it's wrong for them to have sex before marriage.
     
  15. I would look at every situation objectively. I'm perfectly capable of separating my personal beliefs from the advice I would give. I know full well that, in a professional setting, I can't object to someone's sexual practices (as long as they're not hurting anyone, of course). I am accepting of others. Whatever floats their boat, as long as they don't hurt anyone, is fine.
    Another one of my best friends is considering having sex for the first time. She's 14. Did I yell at her and tell her what she's thinking of doing is bad? No. I gave her all the information that a responsible guide would give her. I told her that it would be best for her to wait a while since she is still very young (I think pretty much everyone, experts included, would tell her the same) and I gave her birth control/std/etc info and linked her to good articles because I know that she has to do what she feel is best for her (and she might choose to have sex, so she needs the sex ed information). All I can do is give her the pros and cons and info.
    I wouldn't refuse to counsel an unmarried couple or say anything to even hint that I'm not fond of premarital sex. I would give them whatever help they needed.

    ~Tracey
     
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