After a year...

msleex3

msleex3

Member
Sep 28, 2006
160
0
#1
After a year of being with your boyfriend, has his attitude towards you changed?

I don't know what's wrong, and I've been trying so hard, but it feels like everything I do goes unnoticed.

My bf used to be sweeter, nicer, and more doting, but lately (especially in the past few months), he's just been more of a "whatever" attitude.

When I try to talk to him (just about casual things), he tells me to hush. He makes little kissy noises instead of actually kissing me now, and if I get upset about something and try to talk to him about it, he sighs exasperatedly, closes his eyes, and just has the "whatever" look on his face. :cry:

I don't know what happened--we were fine before the summer, but now it seems that no matter what I do, he doesn't seem to notice, and instead, just lies there on the couch and watches TV.

I feel like he doesn't care about me as much anymore, and if I tell him that, he says, "I DO care about you." But then again, what else could he possibly say?

I don't know what to do, and I'm frustrated and sad because this has been my longest relationship, and I do feel like we're good together. But it seems like it's always what he wants, and that I'm not really a person, more just an item with the label of "girlfriend."

I'm sorry, I needed to rant and I didn't know where else to turn to except for a forum of sweet, smart girls (and boys). Thank you for listening.
 
#2
From your description, it does not sound like the relationship is making you very happy, which is the whole point of having the things: love is supposed to make us happy.

That's something we tend to forget sometimes, especially when we are younger.

I don't think that you need anyone to tell you what to do. You are in charge of your own happiness. If the two of you are simply not enjoying each others' company, and the picture you paint is not one of two people who are, then that is something that you both have the choice of coming to terms with, and moving forward.

If he prefers to employ a passive-aggressive strategy, roll his eyes, sigh, and say whatever, you can control whether it is you at whom he is sighing and rolling his eyes.

And you can control how you spend your own time, and with whom.
 
#3
ShimmaPuff said:
From your description, it does not sound like the relationship is making you very happy, which is the whole point of having the things: love is supposed to make us happy.

That's something we tend to forget sometimes, especially when we are younger.

I don't think that you need anyone to tell you what to do. You are in charge of your own happiness. If the two of you are simply not enjoying each others' company, and the picture you paint is not one of two people who are, then that is something that you both have the choice of coming to terms with, and moving forward.

If he prefers to employ a passive-aggressive strategy, roll his eyes, sigh, and say whatever, you can control whether it is you at whom he is sighing and rolling his eyes.

And you can control how you spend your own time, and with whom.
Click to expand...

Thank you :smile:
 
#4
He should be there for you and listen to your problems without closing his eyes and sighing. He should care for your feelings more than that. I am sorry you are going through this. You two should have a talk so you can let him know that you feel unimportant, etc. when he treats you like that.
 
#5
ShimmaPuff said:
From your description, it does not sound like the relationship is making you very happy, which is the whole point of having the things: love is supposed to make us happy.

That's something we tend to forget sometimes, especially when we are younger.

I don't think that you need anyone to tell you what to do. You are in charge of your own happiness. If the two of you are simply not enjoying each others' company, and the picture you paint is not one of two people who are, then that is something that you both have the choice of coming to terms with, and moving forward.

If he prefers to employ a passive-aggressive strategy, roll his eyes, sigh, and say whatever, you can control whether it is you at whom he is sighing and rolling his eyes.

And you can control how you spend your own time, and with whom.
Click to expand...


ITA! For the relationship to move forward you both need to be happy!
 
#6
I agree with whats written but I also want to say that ALL relationships tend to get a little"STALE" after a while.(Yes..Even marriages!!LOL!)Its up to us to get them exciting again..plan fun things to do..romantic ventures..etc..if it doesnt seem to improve after that..THEN its time to re-evaluate!!Good luck!

AND als0-MOST importantly..COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!Tell him how you are feeling ...Sometimes guys need a little shove in the right direction!!
 
#7
Jill said:
I agree with whats written but I also want to say that ALL relationships tend to get a little"STALE" after a while.(Yes..Even marriages!!LOL!)Its up to us to get them exciting again..plan fun things to do..romantic ventures..etc..if it doesnt seem to improve after that..THEN its time to re-evaluate!!Good luck!

AND als0-MOST importantly..COMMUNICATE WITH HIM!Tell him how you are feeling ...Sometimes guys need a little shove in the right direction!!
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Ahh I'm glad to hear that! What kind of fun stuff should I plan? I really have no clue. He works quite a bit and so I understand that he's tired when he comes home from work, and so I wouldn't want him to do something that would make him even more tired afterwards.

Do you girls have any suggestions? Thanks so much. I love this forum, I really do--all of you are sooo sooo supportive.
 
#8
Agree with ShimmaPuff, love should make you happy, not frustrated and confused! If this (he) is what you really want and you think that he loves you, but has begun to take you for granted, how about reminding him!!

By that, I don't mean keeping on to him about it, but let him remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Stop worrying about how he responds for a while, ignore him a bit more, do your own thing, go out with your friends (make sure you look gorgeous when you do), let HIM wonder about how you feel for a change, let him wonder, full stop!!

I know it's not great to have to play games, but sometimes it works..What I'm saying, basically, is don't let him think he's the centre of you universe (even if he is..)and that you have other interests and if he doesn't live up to your expectations, maybe somebody else will.. Don't threaten or say much at all, just show him that you would be fine without him. Does this make sense? Good luck:heart:
 
#9
maggie7 said:
Agree with ShimmaPuff, love should make you happy, not frustrated and confused! If this (he) is what you really want and you think that he loves you, but has begun to take you for granted, how about reminding him!!

By that, I don't mean keeping on to him about it, but let him remember why he fell in love with you in the first place. Stop worrying about how he responds for a while, ignore him a bit more, do your own thing, go out with your friends (make sure you look gorgeous when you do), let HIM wonder about how you feel for a change, let him wonder, full stop!!

I know it's not great to have to play games, but sometimes it works..What I'm saying, basically, is don't let him think he's the centre of you universe (even if he is..)and that you have other interests and if he doesn't live up to your expectations, maybe somebody else will.. Don't threaten or say much at all, just show him that you would be fine without him. Does this make sense? Good luck:heart:
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Yes Maggie. Thank you so much. :heart:
 
#10
I'd definitely have a little chat with him. I think if you tell him sincerely and without making any accusations that you're feeling worried about your relationship, he should be open to talking about it. If not, I'd worry a bit more, but I think it's worth a shot.
 
#11
When PHH starts taking me for granted(Thats my wife term for it..LOL!)....I start doing little silly things like putting a nice card on his steering wheel so when he leaves for work in the early AM..he has a nice way to start his day.Sometimes..when hes SUPER busy in the ER of his hospital..I ll have food delivered to him cuz I know hes too busy to think of eating....Then I plan a date night out..just him and me....Things like that help..I swear..Even just a silly note left in his car!
 
#12
Jill said:
When PHH starts taking me for granted(Thats my wife term for it..LOL!)....I start doing little silly things like putting a nice card on his steering wheel so when he leaves for work in the early AM..he has a nice way to start his day.Sometimes..when hes SUPER busy in the ER of his hospital..I ll have food delivered to him cuz I know hes too busy to think of eating....Then I plan a date night out..just him and me....Things like that help..I swear..Even just a silly note left in his car!
Click to expand...

Ahh Jill that's so cute! You are such a sweet wife!

I think I'll try some stuff like that... like maybe leaving little notes stuck to his computer so he sees it. He usually falls asleep at night when I'm still there, and so instead of waking him up, I think I'll just leave a note.

I'm really glad to hear that it's not just me, and that relationships do kind of..top out..after a while. Thank you so much for your help :smile:
 
#13
^anytime!! After over 10 years of marriage to PHH..I really need to spice it up every once in a while...LOL......
The key to a great relationship is communication and the element of surprise!!(I love surprising him with little things when things get boring...Lingerie helps too..hee!hee!)
 
#14
Agree with what has been said above. Shimma Puff had some great advice- and Jill does too!

It is important to first think if you are happy- truly happy. None of us can figure that out for you.

After a while a relationship does lose its zing in a way- just because the new feeling is different than long term. That is perfectly fine. But if you are not happy and do not feel like you are getting what you need and deserve, that is different.

I do small things for Vlad all the time. Clean his apartment when he is gone, surprise him to take him to a new place for dinner, plan dinner and a movie date, buy him little presents (DVD), give him cards/notes, send him little emails even if I am in the room with him...

It is great to keep the people you love knowing you are thinking of them- but if the relationship has changed differently than that, you may need to re-evaluate. Hang in there!
 
#15
i think all relationships at a point hit a stagnant period...it's just harder when your dating as opposed to married, as some people feel as though it's easier to run than to do the work, that the relationship needs.
 
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