Advice Please: How to Go About a Child-Free Wedding Politely

  1. Hello! I was thinking that this would be the best forum top post this question on, since a lot of you are moms (or moms to be) and I want to get honest opinions and advice on this topic.

    My SO and I are getting married next November and are having it be Adults Only.

    However, his mom, dad, sister, brother and sister in law are very offended that we want the wedding to be child free.

    I don't want any hurt feelings over this.

    With a lot of you being parents, is there anything you suggest that I say to make this go smoothly? I REALLY don't want anyone in his family to be offended or upset.

    The members from my side of the family are all very understanding and are excited to have a "grown up" night out! :p
    Thank you so much for any advice or suggestions!:yes:

    PS--Mods, feel free to move to General Discussion or Relationships/Family if it would be a better 'fit' :smile:
  2. There is no 'easy' way to say it I'm afraid. But I would tell them that the last thing you want is for them to be offended and you don't wish to hurt anyone's feelings...but it is your wedding and you want it to be adults only. Having said that, they will probably be offended and try to change your mind but stand your ground. (I can't imagine why they wouldn't want an all adult wedding...sounds fabulous). It's your day. Good luck, I hope it goes well.:smile:
  3. stand strong and don't give in this is YOUR wedding day and if you don't want any children thats ok
  4. I had an adults only wedding when dh and I tied the knot - his family is huge and all had very young kids, and the atmosphere I was looking for didnt include children. On the invitation, in small script at the bottom, I had "adult reception immediately following" The wedding was in a very small chapel, candlelight, and the reception in an art gallery, candlelight - I think once people got to the event, they all realized why we had asked that. It is your wedding, you decide. But, you may find that some people you were really looking forward to seeing will end up not being able to attend, its hard to find good sitters.
  5. It is your wedding-you DO NOT have to accommodate children (I wouldnt) Make sure your invites are addressed to guests' name. I think the best way to keep your wedding child free is by word of mouth. Have your families tell as many people as they can. If someone asks you about the wedding you can casually ask if they have found childcare for the day/evening & then go on about how excited you are about your special day. Dont let people con you into allowing kids by saying if my kids cant come I cant come. Forget that. They can have a friend/relative babysit or hire a sitter for one night. They will get over it after the wedding.
  6. I had an adults only wedding. We used the "space restriction" excuse, and offered to help guests find babysitters if they needed it. Make sure the adults-only policy is in the invitation and reiterated by word of mouth.
  7. ^^Oh space restriction idea is a good one.
  8. No one should be offended because you have the right to have the wedding YOU want. It's not like children care about being there, KWIM? I'd note it on the invitation, such as "adults only celebration." Children change the tone of a wedding. Anyone that gives you a hard time is inconsiderate because it's your day!
  9. I totally agree with you, I love kids don't get me wrong but I prefer adult only weddings, I had one! I never expected my kids to be asked to weddings when they were young. Kids get so bored & need entertained & a long day wedding is not the place for them. Quite frankly weddings with kids running riot do my head in, it is not the sort of day that I would want either!
    Stick to your guns, it is your day! Have a good one!
  10. Thank you guys so much for your advice!

    It is just really petty b/c SO's Mom and Sister in Law keep telling the little girls (approximate ages 5 and 4) "Oh, Auntie doesn't want you to be in her wedding. You don't get a pretty dress or a flowerbasket".

    Grrr...I am just so appalled that they are saying these things to SO's nieces b/c the little girls are getting their feelings hurt...I have already heard one of them ask me "why can't I be in the wedding"?
  11. Couturegrl, that's terrible! They've no right to say those things to children! Very childish! And kids don't understand. It'll just make them feel bad.
  12. ^Ugh I know--thats why my dilemma is such a hard one.

    The only thing I can think of is doing a "Princess Party" a few days before the their hair, fancy dress, make them feel part of it.

    I am just SO IRRITATED that the ADULT WOMEN are behaving this way!

    I mean, who says that kind of stuff to kids?! So mean!!!
  13. I don't blame you for wanting a child free wedding. There were no kids at dh and I's wedding and I wouldn't have had it any other way! I agree with rockst@r just put a little note on the inviation saying "adults only". Don't let anyone make you feel bad. It's your special day!

    Hope you have a great wedding!
  14. My sister had a beautiful small wedding at a bed and breakfast. She said her vows and there was a 7 course early dinner. I think there were about 12 children there ranging from about 2 years to 14. My two kids were there. She hired a babysitter to sit at the table with the kids. Well I think they were bored out of their minds. First of all they kept serving all this food to the adults but the kids were getting chicken fingers and fries and that was going to be served last--so they were starving. Then the boredom of having to sit for hours. After the dinner they all went to one part of the room and sat on the floor and played with some toys they brought. They were very quiet and nobody would complain about anything they did but I think it was really just too many hours for them. I don't think it is wrong for you to want a adult only wedding. I know people will get mad but it is your day and you don't have to do anything but please yourself and make it about you and your husband.
    Congratulations.....I hope you have the wedding of your dreams.
  15. I also had an adults only wedding and I found the two following things helped me deal with family members:

    1. I offered to help find babysitters for any guest who needed it. (For my two out of town guests with kids, we actually paid for it for them because we felt that we should do something if they were traveling all this way to be with us.) In the end, about half of the people with kids used the sitters we recommended. The girls (sitters) are such wonderful sitters and they live on the same 2 streets in our neighborhood and they ended up organizing a fun little party for the kids completely on their own. The kids loved it!

    2. At the time that we married, I had two nieces and a goddaughter who were all in the 4-7 age range. I truly love those girls to pieces and didn't ever want them to feel left out (one of the mom's was about to say something like your so's sister) so about a week before the wedding, I had a special "Wedding" party with them. We had a special tea party type lunch at my place and then I took them to a cute little kids haircutting place to get a kiddie manicure. After that, we went to the bridal shop where my dress was (right down the street from the cute kiddie place) and I was able to show them my dress and try it on for them. I also got them each a cute little charm bracelet (nothing expensive just cute and fun)They loved the day and felt so special because they had done "bride things" and they got to see my dress before the wedding! Honestly that day was so much fun and I got to enjoy being with them much more than I would have if they had come to the wedding and I know they enjoyed it more!