Advice needed, how to comfort an overwhelmed new mom

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  1. Hi all,
    I normally do not post here because I do not have children but I'm in need of some advice. A very dear friend of mine had a baby three months ago. Her pregnacy was quite difficult and now her new baby won't stop crying. He has seen so many specialists. The only thing they could find was that he is allegric to protein in milk, he is now on a special formula.

    My poor friend has her mother and husband to help her but she is still so overwhelmed. I dont think she is eating right and she is always crying. It kills her that her son won't stop crying, she thinks she is a bad mother. She has gone back to work part time as well which I dont' think is helping but she really wanted to go back at least part time. She loves her job.

    I really want to do something to help her out. I just don't know what. I was hoping someone would have some advice for me. I just want to help my friend and feel at a loss as to how to help her. Thanks for reading this.
  2. My son cried and cried until he was about 4 months old. Some baby's digestive systems just take longer to mature. I was the same as your friend, extremely tired, teary, overwhelmed and not eating well.

    I'm not a dr but the universal advice I got is that 4 months is a real turning point for colicky/reflux/upset tummy babies so she is nearly there. It gets so much better! I was lucky my first baby was great so I knew I wasn't doing anything wrong to my son - he really was in pain. You just need to reassure your friend it isn't her. And the introduction of some solids can help - like a runny rice cereal. In Australia they say no solids until 6 months but it used to be 4 months. Nevertheless I would only take dr's advice in that respect.

    For my son it was lots of cuddles and love - at the expense of my sanity true, and a couple of other suggestions - warmth on bub's tum -didn't really help mine but might work, and lying baby on his tummy over your legs with his head hanging over. This seemed to help whilst patting or rubbing his back. But just changing positions alot.

    Good luck - she'll be okay if she has a friend like you!
  3. My daughter also cried all night long and half of the day until she was about 4 months old. After that, she was an absolute JOY. I was overwhelmed as well. I knew it wasn't postpartum depression, it was just absolute exhaustion and frustration. Probably the best thing you can do is tell her that you've spoken to some ladies online who have been through what she's going through and she's probably made it through the worst part of it. Tell her to just hang in there a little longer and it will get better, and it will feel like a whole new world of mommyhood has opened up to her!

    I really feel for anyone who has to deal with colic, it is by far one of the worst things I've ever dealt with. I wish her all the best!
  4. #4 Jul 13, 2009
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2009
    just reassure her that it will get better. my daughter spent the first 3.5 wks crying her head off and i was on the verge of loosing it. so i couldn't image months and months.

    we did find out that Colic Calm works well. you can tell her about it. it's 100% all natural, FDA approved and guaranteed to work or money back. it's for colicky, gassy, fussy babies, and those with reflux.
  5. I have been there. My son, who was my first, was also colicky and cried all day and night until he was 4 months old. I almost went insane and was crying all the time. It will pass. Once I got past that rough period, he was a dream and I slowly started to feel like a human again. A colicky baby is SO stressful. My daughter, my second, was not colicky and I could not believe what an easy baby she was as I was used to dealing with a baby that never slept and only cried. I know that for me the constant crying was really draining. It was very helpful when my family and friends would come over so that I could get my mind off of it for just a second. Just try to spend some time with her until this difficult phase passes.
  6. If you can handle it, go over and take care of the baby. Hopefully while she can take a little break and get out, but even just so she can take a bath/shower or try to go take a nap in the house if she's too nervous. Take the baby for a walk in the stroller or a sling if mom is OK with it. If she goes out, text her every little while to let her know he's fine. Otherwise, as biggestbaglover says, go and spend time with her -- encourage her to go out with all of you, even if the baby cries. You can always just go walk around the block. Prepared meals are also always a good gift.

    Does she have a swing and/or a bouncy seat? Some moms I know swear by that. Or the baby sling.

    Also, does she swaddle the baby? My son wasn't colicky all day, but we went through a period of thinking he had gas in the evenings (3+ hours of crying every night.) It turned out he needed to be swaddled. It made an amazing difference, like night and day, at his fussy time.
  7. hi! what kind of formula is the baby using? when my baby was in the nicu they found out he had this allergy as well. and the formula they gave him is neocate. it works wonders. problem is its super expensive and you cant just get it anywhere. maybe ask your friend to ask your dr about this?
  8. I had a baby with a milk allergy too. One thing (and I don't know if you are able) that was the greatest gift to me ever (and I am serious!) is I had a friend who spent the night and relieved me of all baby duties for the evening. I slept 11 hours and knew my lil' man was in great hands. It truly gave me a lot of sanity!!
  9. ooh...I have been there..NOT fun!
    All i can say is BE there for the baby so she can have a spa day...or at least get a mani/pedi.Alone time is key to sanity!LOL!
    bring over a dinner once a week so u know she is eating too...i think she would REALLY appreciate that!
  10. I agree with the previous posters who said just being there with her will be a great gift. Not only will you be able to give her a break, but it may be good for her to see that the baby isn't only crying with her.

    Also, during the first few weeks when my son was super fussy taking him out in the car always helped to calm him down and put him to sleep. HTH!
  11. Yup, I've been there too. My first cried constantly for months. It was extremely difficult.
    I agree with the others about giving her a break if possible. I know I wasn't comfortable leaving my babies when they were young, so maybe even just offer to watch the little one while your friend gets a nap, shower, etc. How about cooking her dinner some night or running errands for her?
  12. Tell her to try to remember that "this too shall pass". Remind her that you never, ever see a 9 mo or 1 year old baby crying like that, it's a newborn thing.

    She could also try to learn some baby massage, they teach you stuff that can help with gas pain.
  13. Thank you all for the advice. It's really helpful for me. I know my friend feels like she is totally alone so now I can go to her with some wonderful advice. I have offered to watch him so she can do something but she isn't ready to leave him. Her husband is going to watch him tomorrow night so we can go to dinner and maybe a little shopping. I keep telling her it wil get better but I'm not sure she believes me. It really breaks her heart that she can't comfort her son, I think that's the hardest part for her. She hasn't even taken him to a restaurant or a mall. She went once to Babies R US and he screamed so much she just ran out of the store.

    Thanks again for all the wonderful advice. I'm going to tell my friend all about it.
  14. Infant massage is great!! I forgot about that. I truly believe it relaxes both mommy and baby!! The other thing I thought of (that someone did for me) was odd chores. My sister did my 'odd chores' while I was on bedrest - including several Babies R Us runs and that was a huge lifesaver. Does she have errands you could run? I am sure if she isn't leaving the house because of bay, she must!

    You are a great friend!!
  15. I can totally relate to her. I was quite depressed and very overwhelmed in the beginning as well. She does need some time alone, whatever she enjoys doing. Hope it works out soon, poor thing.