Advice for a brokenhearted friend

  1. :sad2:

    I have a dear friend who can't seem to stop herself from getting hurt by the same guy. They never really dated, but he's led her one quite a few times. I know some of us have been in a situation where you tell yourself to stop yourself from getting hurt again, but somehow hearing his voice or feeling his touch makes you throw caution into the wind.

    She told me they had a long talk and realized there was no future for them, but then last night they "hooked up." This has happend a few times prior too, with the same person. I told her that whatever intimacy she wants fulfilled by him cannot be fulfilled by ANYONE. She lives 6 hours away, but I'm flying to see her soon...

    Any advice? Be nice? Smack her? Smack HIM?? :evil:
  2. you've got to give her a wakeup call. it might upset her at first, but she'll appreciate it in the long run. what she's doing has nothing to do with him and everything to do about her.
  3. I would give advice, but I think sometimes, people need to make their own mistakes and learn from them. I definitely dated the wrong guy and nothing my friends said really sunk until I fell flat on my face.

    It's hard to see your friend going through something like that. I hope she comes to her senses before she keeps hurting herself more.

    Smacking them all can be therapeutic for you though! ;)
  4. Hahahha yes it would. Augh this is bugging me so much I can't even study. I've told her what I felt, and she knows it. She's a smart girl, but her heart is on her sleeve. Yeah, people do learn from their mistakes.. and I'll be there to catch her... and bludgeon the guy *shakes fist*
  5. Give her tough love :biggrin: Let her know what you really think even if it upsets her. I hope she comes to senses. I have a friend that is in the same situation. I sound like a broken record whenever I talk to her. In the end, your friend is the only person that could end this and all you can do is to be there for her. Have a safe trip!
  6. I totally agree and back in the day (1990's)I dated the wrong guy. I think we were together and broke up a total of 3 times. I knew he was not marraige material, but strong attraction is hard to overcome when you are young especially.
  7. Smack HER.

    It's all up to her though. She has to wake up and realize that it's not for her.
  8. i think in times like this you have to be brutally honest with her, but at the same time let her know that you'll be there for her all the way, whatever she decides.

    it's extremely difficult to walk away from a man, especially one that we think we love. and like BalenciageLove said, some people need to make mistakes and learn from them so that they won't keep hurting themselves. my first serious relationship lasted a year and a half in high school, and i think we broke up a total of 4 times. in the end, we just learn.
  9. It's good she realizes they have no future together. You just need to wake her up and stop her from going back to him. Hopefully all will be well soon. Good luck!
  10. Smack her THEN him.

    It's the attraction and need that's hard to overcome and it's usually up to your friend to decide when it stops.

    No one can wake her up if she chooses not to listen, she's the only one who has the choice to either stop hurting herself and the people around her. It sounds like the guy is taking advantage of your dear friend's weakness also?
  11. Much as we would all like to smack the guy (hard!), the problem does lie with your friend. If she allows the guy to take advantage of her, he will do it!

    Your duty as a friend is not to tell her what's right or wrong, we all know she's not going to take that sort of advice. It sounds like her self esteem is pretty low. She has to understand that having a guy is not the solution to her problems. What I've done with a very close friend is to sit her down and make her tell me what is wonderful in her life. She is beautiful, smart, kind, funny, great family and friends, etc. And make her say it. Then, I made her come up with a criteria for a guy. It's a bit silly, but it does work. And everytime we spoke, I got her to tell me again all the wonderful things in her life, and how deserving she was of a good relationship.

    That friend of mine did have another crappy relationship, but this one she was more in control of and broke it off when she realised (finally!)she was making the same mistake again. Now, - she's with a wonderful man and is very happy. And she no longer gives him full control over the relationship.
  12. Hi May, your friend was once me (albeit, a long time ago). Smack HIM. He's the one who is leading her on and using her. Making HER feel bad for her poor choices won't solve anything and might lead her to distance herself from you.

    I like cili_padi's advice. Remind her about what is wrong with him, and reinforce that she deserves better. How old is she? Sometimes we need to make our mistakes in order to grow up and learn from them, unfortunately. You're such a good friend to care. I wish someone had done the same when it was me. I wish her well.
  13. my opinion would be the friend with whom she could cry on.. if she asks for ur opinion, dont be shy and just describe to her what u r seeing (try not to put too much commentary, just facts as much as possible) and describe how it is affecting her (including her relationships with other ppl, her job, etc.) and ask a very simple question, "do u love him enough to do whatever u r doing to yourself now?" if her answer is "Yes," then u have to give her space and let her fully experience the consequences of her actions, if she says "no" then be a good friend and help her start with the process of losing someone u love... u can't force anyone to let go if they r not ready, although u can influence her, it wouldn't be appropriate to force her either...