Adoption waiting

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  1. Hello all ! DH and I have been married 15 years this may. We began our infant domestic adoption journey last spring when we decided on an agency. We did our orientation in October and we’re home study approved by December. So we have been available for matching since December. I’m getting really anxious on waiting. I know we are early on in our wait for a birth mother to pick us but I am nervous every day. I’m trying to stay active and keep my mind busy , but it’s been hard. Our agency tells us to get the nursery ready and be ready at any time. They do quite a bit of placing of infants after they are already born. So buying things for baby we don’t know when will arrive is hard.

    I need some prayers , positive vibes, or happy thoughts. We’ve struggled for so long trying to get pregnant then when we decided to adopt , I never thought what waiting would look like. I’m praying that we get matched soon.

    Thank you all so much!
     
  2. Congratulations! The waiting is so hard, but once you have the little bundle in your arms, it will all be worth it.
     
  3. (Hey. Nice to meet you. I was on your oldies but goodies thread over on the Coach board.)

    If you're already homestudy approved, then you *don't* have to worry about it getting disqualified just because a nursery is not ship shape and up to par. Prepping a nursery is *the* *worst*, because you instinctively feel like you're going to jinx something. You'd be surprised how fast you can throw a functional nursery together at the last minute, especially if you're in a good mood from receiving word of an impending placement.

    I realize that some social workers may want to smack me for saying that, but I do have the qualification of "been there, done that." I was 29 when I married my boyfriend of 8 years, knew I'd have problems long before sex even happened, simply because I'm PCOS. Skipped fertility treatments, and three years into marriage applied to China. That's her up there in the avatar. She's 16 now.

    I realize I'm asking for another smack, but I will also say that some adoption agencies really don't know when to stop with the "friendly encouragement". Instead, it turns into painful reminders. Our agency used to send us little Chinese knicknacks every month. (We were 18 months from submission of application to China, to placement, but we knew that the timing was pretty much laid out from the start.) Mind you, our house already HAS plenty of Chinese knickknacks because I used to be a volunteer English tutor for my international Chinese classmates in grad school. I already knew most of the little things they were sending, and that actually made it worse. But my husband **REALLY** wanted to tell them to stop it, ala, "We don't need these reminders, don't worry, we already *remember* that we're waiting. It has not slipping our mind! And you're just torturing us now!"

    I guess I'm saying to keep that in mind. Some agencies, with all their legal abilities and placement talents, still don't fully get what's going to the prospective parents' minds. I will go to my grave saying that the best adoption social worker is one who's actually done it himself/herself. And actually remembers what it's like. So just keep some of this in mind when that part of it gets frustrating.
     
  4. Thank you so much for your encouragement! How wonderful that you have your precious daughter!! Our home study was approved in December so we’re set. Our agency told us they are in a “slow period” but I do see where they are advertising more so hopefully they will be able to find their way to some mamas in need of counseling and placement services should they desire. If I wasn’t already in my career I think I would have loved to work in adoption as a Lcsw or LPC. It’s such amazing work. I know adoption isn’t all bells and whistles. It’s hard , and knowing that the best day of our life will be the worst for whoever our birthmother is. I hope that I can be a friend to her when that time comes.

    I decided today that I need to continue living my life. I need to exercise instead of walking around always waiting for a call. I need to enjoy the here and now and the future will be here soon enough. :smile:
     
    momtok likes this.