A Bit of a Dilema!


Sofa King Blonde!
Feb 4, 2007
So the situation is I've had a phone call to let me know my Nan probably won't last the day. She had a massive stroke two weeks ago.

My dilema is do I let my ex know - either now or when she does pass.

My Nan was never told what he did to me (by this time she was a bit frail and started to get a bit confused) and I know he thought my Nan was smashing - typical Northern Irish Mammy. Kept us all in line with her straight talking.

:shrugs: what would you do - Do I have some sort of moral obligation to let him know or is it a case of he isn't part of my family anymore therefore would he even be interested in knowing. Do I even owe him that phone call?

A bit of a damned if I do and damned if I don't situation!


Dec 11, 2006
sorry to hear about your grandmother - hope you and your family are holding up.

as for your dilemma - I don't know what your ex did to you. when a loved one passes here we send an announcement to people who knew the person - to let them know but avoid getting into personal contact, especially as often this is a very difficult time. I don't remember, or maybe dont even know, what happens in UK but sending him a formal card will avoid personal contact and he still knows etc. if you don't mind personal contact I guess you could call.

hugs and strength for a difficult time


Jun 24, 2006
I think it would depend on your comfort level. If you think you would be okay talking to them and possible seeing them again, then I would go ahead and tell them. Also, were they close to your Nan? If so, I would tell them. If you think you would be uncomfortable seeing them or talking to them, then maybe its best you didn't tell them. Either way, I don't think you have any obligation since you two aren't together anymore. I hope everything works out for you and I'm sorry to hear about your Nan. Hugs, Hugs.


Nov 1, 2006
If he and your Nan got on well, and he is comfortable with your family I would tell him (in my case of course). In my culture it is common to pay respects to the dead and not bring up family issues at that time.

On a different note, my cousin who broke up with her long time bf met him again 7 years later at her grandmother's funeral (about which the ex had been informed and which he attended because he had been close to the family prior to breakup). Apparently some sparks ignited at the funeral because they are now married and have 2 children!


May 1, 2006
ahhh I am so sad to hear about your Nan, im sending hugs to you.

I would tell him I think, but I would leave it for a while until after you have dealt with the huge initial shock and have had a little bit of time to process the information. An announcement will be made in your local papers most likely by the undertaker when it does happen, so he will find out, so if you are still on good terms, he would probably like to send a card to your family and maybe send some flowers for the funeral.

Its all about your feelings at the moment tho raff, you do what feels right for YOU. I lost my nan to a stroke the day before Christmas, I was so torn, as I didnt want her to suffer anymore from this awful stroke, but I didnt want to lose her either, so you will be full of conflicting emotions, so just be aware that you might not want the extra pressure of speaking to an ex immediately.


Aug 8, 2006
i'm so sorry, i hope you are holding up ok. i dont see the harm in telling him, especially if you are on decent terms. but i really wouldn't worry about it right now, unless you feel he would be a comfort to you.
Nov 8, 2006
Hey Riffraff

so sorry to hear that. *BIG HUGS* it must be tough.

look after yourself and take care of yourself first. like the other gals said he's an ex. so don't spend too much energy worrying about him and how he'd feel.