4 days before the wedding.....and friend drama :( (very long)

  1. i'm getting married in 4 days on 7-6 and 7-7.....it's suppose to be a happy time for me, but i've been really down about the situation going on between my "friends" and i and can't shake it off enough to be happy. i'm very sad about it. i am hoping you ladies can give me some advice. i really want to enjoy my last few days before the wedding, but can't shake off the very sad feelings.

    jackie, page, kay, and i have been friends since high school (almost 10 years since we graduated). i have known jackie the longest, we have been best friends since grade school. the four of us were the best of friends throughout high school, and most of college. over the years page and kay and i have been in and out of touch, but we always got together here and there, and still kept in contact, and were still friends. jackie and i talked all the time, always close friends.

    about a year ago, jackie and i got into a fight, sort of, because i did not want to take a job offer she offered me ($8/hrjob!). she was annoyed because i did not tell her right away whether i wanted it or not, and it was because i was thinking it over. we didn't talk for almost three months.

    then last september i got engaged. i invited them, they all responded, they call came.....jackie and i talked again like we never had an argument. during the engagement ceremony, jackie was one of my bridesmaids (or the engagement equivalency). page and kay were not.....and they helped out, doing this and that. they left early. they didnt stay for the mini-reception we had after the ceremony. afterwards, jackie told me that some of the guests thought that page and kay were the help, and that they felt hurt and offended. i was horrified when she told me this. it ruined the rest of the weekend for me. i contacted page and kay, apologized profusely, my parents and my fiance also apologized......and they both said it was no big deal. i believed them. it seemed jackie over exaggerated the situation.

    when jackie came by a few days later to pick up something page left here, i told her(with a bit of anger) that page and kay said it was no big deal. i stopped short of saying, "so why did you make it into one?!" i also found out that on that day they left, they all went to jackie's house and hung out until night time......so they left early, but for no real reason. i was angry that she rounded page and kay when she left.

    back in october, before the engagement ceremony, i asked the three of them to be my bridesmaid. all agreed. after the engagement situation happened, jackie and kay backed out. kay had the lamest excuse....she said she was very busy with work (she works at a non profit community agency) and that she would not be able to make it EVEN BEFORE SHE KNEW THE WEDDING DATE. it didn't seem right to me.... and i emailed her every now and then asking her if things were okay between us. each time, she said it was and that she was just busy. she politely (too politely) wished us well, my parents well, and to me, almost said a kind of good bye.

    jackie did not talk to me for nine months. finally, a month ago and a half ago, i sent her an invitation to my wedding (along with kay and page). despite us not talking, i very much wanted her to be at my wedding. she didn't make any contact with me until almost three weeks after receiving it. she wrote me an email, saying she resented me (i still do not know how to take that) and that she was an angry and bitter person when she was around me. she ended the email saying, i dont know how your going to take it.

    a flood of emotions just broke out....and i wrote her a really long reply, saying that i was very hurt and angry at how she treated me for the past year. it was like how she treated me when we were kids in middle school (very mean) and it wasnt until later that she changed. she wrote back, and basically said, glad to know how you feel about me, have a great wedding. so that was it, our 16+ year friendship ended.

    page and i still talk, she will be one of my bridesmaids in 4 days.....she does not take sides, and tries to stay out of conflicts.

    today, i asked page if jackie said anything. she said that from what she got from their conversation, jackie doesn't really care whether our friendship ended it not. it really hurt me hearing that. somehow, over the couple hours we hung out, our conversation turned to myspace and then she showed me her myspace page. it had some photos of her, kay, and page all hanging out in new orleans this past april. no one even thought to invite me.....which means it was jackie's doing. and it also got me thinking, wait a minute, kay said she cannot make it to one evening to my wedding reception, yet she had the time to go to new orleans...?!

    so i called kay tonight. she seemed really caught off guard to hear from me. i asked her if she could make it to the reception this saturday night. she said, no she has a workshop at work. i asked her, when? she said, in the afternoon. i told her she could make it because its not until the evening....and she kept giving the same excuses, busy, busy, busy. i came out and asked her if she was mad at me. she said no. i said, i hope that just because jackie and i are no longer friends does not mean we can't be. and she said, no no its not like that, i'm just very busy. she didnt sound very convincing. when i suggested we meet up for lunch later after the wedding so i can show her the photos, she made some excuses and said she had to go.

    i think kay is siding with jackie. page is neutral (and she doesnt really like it when i ask her questions about the situation, it makes her uncomfortable to be in the middle). i dont understand why jackie is so bitter towards me. i dont understand why kay is being weird around me. it makes me feel queasy in the stomache. should i just write the two of them off? i dont want to have to beg for their friendship. but....it's bothering me too. i guess its because we were friends for so long. it didnt go downhill (between jackie and i) until around this time last year. i dont want to look back at my wedding, and remember these unpleasant feelings. can you ladies offer me any advice?

    thank you for reading this......
  2. wow. sounds like a very stressful situation. i'm sorry about your situation. please feel better! maybe a mani and pedi will help make you feel better? ;)
  3. hi,

    thanks for your response.

    i wish a mani and pedi would help, but it doesn't. the four of us have been friends for 10 years, jackie and i got over 16 years......it hurts me that she and kay are so indifferent, and dont care about their friendship with me especially jackie.

    i dont want it to get to me. i know whenever i think about my wedding, i will think of her and what happened between us. it makes me angry and sad. i guess i really thought we would be friends for life. i cant even do anything like try on my white gown without getting a little misty eyed about the situation, wondering why they are so indifferent.....my fiance is not much help, he says to forget her, but its hard. the four of them were pratically my only friends.....i'm very shy and dont make friends easily. its hard to make new friends and replace her friendship.

  4. First off, congratulations!!
    Yes! If they do not want your friendship, they are not worth your time.
    They seem like they are both very immature. Its your WEDDING and your friend cannot even make time for you? Ummm...NO. That is not friendship by any means. Dont stress over those silly girls! Enjoy your wedding, its supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life...and I expect it will still be happy WITHOUT them! Just think of it like this..."Its MY day...screw them!" haha.
    If youd like, I will come to your wedding:p
  5. wow- sorry for all this unnecessary added stress just before your wedding. sounds like Jackie is jealous of you to be perfectly honest - maybe bec you are the bride and not her? resenting you for not wanting to take a job she offered?? weird. now I don't know how you let her down back then but it seems exaggerated to me. btw, IMO friendship and commitments like work/money do not mix well EVER.

    anyway, it is very selfish of all your friends to create such a fuss - fair enough Kay pretty much wrote the friendship off, so I would do the same. Jackie to me, frankly, sounds like a jack..ss so again, move on. why fight for something they don't want? (knowing women Jackie probably went on and on about whatever happened - maybe she told Kay all sorts of things that made her resent you? like you said something about her behind her back - I have heard this time and again - if you do care, I would confront Kay outright AFTER your wedding)

    so that leaves Page - she wants the friendship like you, so maintain that, and look for new friends. I have learned that friendships don't always last - even after a long time. some friends can't handle when we change and are no longer the people we used to be when growing up, kwim?

    have a great wedding, it is your day and you will be angry with yourself later on if you leave anybody to ruin it for you. just forget all of that - and celebrate in style!
  6. aaaw honey i am so sorry that has happened to you ! but believe me the way those two girls have been treating you constantly shows very clearly that these are not your real friends - no point in ruining your pre wedding week because of them ! i know you have known them for a long time and its not easy to write them off but again - they have known u for such a long time as well and they couldnt respect your friendship and enjoy your happiness - they are not worth the hassle ! You get to know who your real friends are during difficult times and situations - you got to find that out, accept it, be happy that you have a good friend Page and ... celebrate !
  7. You need to focus on yourself and the wedding now.

    It is their loss........they have lost a very good friend in you and someday will realize it. I have had my best friend since 3rd grade and we have changed so much over the years but still talk here and there. I'm closer to other girls in my life but she still has her place in my life.

    So try to put that out of your mind right now no matter how hard it is and think "wedding"

    You are marrying your best friend now and that's what's most important!!!!!!!!
  8. Your wedding is your time to look forward, not look back. It's a time of new beginnings and a bright future. Don't worry about old friends who stir up drama right before your wedding -- you don't need the stress and you don't need to be thinking about it when you walk down that aisle.

    I also lost a good friend prior to my wedding. It happens. Weddings often show you who your real friends are. My friend knew about my wedding over a year and a half in advance, and when the date because closer (and she was a bridesmaid) she emailed me to tell me that her (psycho) husband wouldn't "let" her come to my wedding, and he didn't want to spend the money to travel, because he didn't want to be in CA with all of us "weirdos." She works full time and has her own money and she could afford to go, but she decided she didn't want her husband to pout about it. We haven't spoken since. It was very sad, because we were friends for 10 years, but it's her loss.

    I hope that you can put aside your friends' immaturity and look forward to your big day. People grow and change, and it sounds as if some of your friends aren't growing up like you have. Stay strong and walk down that aisle proudly, regardless of whether they are there or not. This day is about YOU, not them!
  9. If your friend is your friend (any of them), you shouldn't have to plead for friendship, which is what it sounds like you are doing. If they've turned away from you for whatever reason let them do so in peace, don't go after them begging for a piece of their time.

    Enjoy your wedding, it's your day.
  10. First of all, I want to congratulate you on your upcoming wedding! I also want to say, I know how hard this must be for you. I do kind of agree with the above posters who say that jackie is jealous. It is such a shame that we can all "grow up" together as friends and that some grow to resent our accomplishments. my best friend of 10 years, my maid of honor before I even KNEW i was getting married lol, has done something very similar. I haven't heard from her in a year. It hurts SO badly. There are days that I dont' even think about it but there are days that I can't stop. Not a week goes by that I haven't shed a tear for her and our lost friendship. What I am trying to say is, you will never completely get over this. But I wouldn't try to mend the friendship if all she is doing is trying to cause trouble for you and your mutual friends. Continue to build your friendship with page and work on making new friends, who can appreciate you for you and celebrate your life and accomplishments with you.

    Try to think of good things this week. Remember how you and your fiance got together and built this wonderful relationship that has grown into marriage. How exciting is that?! Hold your family close and embrace this weekend. I know it is hard, but I know you aren't going to want to look back on this day/weekend and only have hurt feelings. Try to bring the focus back to what the wedding is about. While it is still about celebrating with friends and family, it is about the union of you and your husband to be. The wonderful life you two will share from that day forward :smile: It just makes me feel so warm and fuzzy inside.

    If you ever need someone to talk to or need anything at all, I am always here. I will pray for you these coming days.

  11. Congrats!

    Slow down, take a deep breathe....and move on.

    Please do not try and convince someone who doesn't want to attend to do so...it is only going to make drama on your day.

    Accept they don't want to come (it is really for the best)....enjoy celebrating with all those who have joy in their hearts :smile:
  12. be happy dari :smile: okay?? congrats on your wedding, :smile:
  13. Congrats and best blessing sent your way on this day.

    I know it will be hard but try to focus your energy on what this day is all about, and that is marrying your best friend...your soon to be partner for life.

    As far as your friends, there is some reason why they are pulling away from you. They're not sharing w/you the reasons so you may never know. THere's nothing you can do about it and that's an uncomfortable, not-in-control feeling. Unfortunately, you're going to have to accept it and move on...do not plead for their friendship as they've made their message pretty clear.

    I'm sure you feel abandoned and rejected and I'm so sorry for that. The good that will come out of this is you won't have pictures and people in your wedding party that won't be there 5, 10, 20 years from now, and although it's hard to see that now, that is really a blessing.

    Surround yourself w/people that love you and care for your future. Focus on your man. Enjoy the moment...don't cloud it with anxiety over things you cannot change.

    Blessings your way...
  14. Congratulations. You need to focus on taking care of yourself and not letting stress get to you.
    These girls sound very immature like something one did in high school. Let it go, let them go. They are not willing to be honest with you and it seems like they play games. You are starting a new life. You may know people for years and years but that does not mean they will be in your life forever. I remember a long poem on a card I received that said some people are in your life for a reason, a season and forever. These are not forever friends. You will be fine, you need to move on and realize that there is a whole world of people out there and you can make some great friends.
    Take care and remember you have a lot to look forward to, don't dwell in the past and how things were years ago....look towards the future.
  15. Congratulations to you!:flowers:

    Letting friends go is difficult. It's your wedding and they behave like this?! You've done your part, focus on your important day and not on them.