30 Rock

  1. Anyone watch this?

    Liz Lemon, played by Saturday Night Live's Tina Fey, is the head writer of the fictional TV show, 'The Girlie Show.' When her old boss dies and a new boss comes in, Liz must try to run a successful TV show without losing her mind.

    I love Tina Fey!

    I love the fact that Dean Winters, the hottie from Oz was on the show. (He played Dennis, Liz's jerk ex.)

    I love Jack and I love the overly perky Kenneth.
  2. Jack: Are you familiar with the GE tri-vection oven?
    Liz: I don't cook very much.
    Jack: Sure...I gotcha. New York, third-wave feminist, college-educated, single and pretending to be happy about it, over-scheduled, undersexed, you buy any magazine that says 'healthy body image' on the cover, and every two years you take up knitting for... a week.
    Pete: That is dead on!
    Liz: What, are you going to guess my weight now?
    Jack: You don't want me to do that.

    Liz: Nobody wants Tracy Jordan here except for a certified non-genius Jack Donaghy.
    Kenneth: I'm sorry to interrupt Miss Maroney, but the sound guys want their microphone back.
    Liz: So everyone can...
    Kenneth: Hear everything you're saying? Yes, ma'am.
    Jenna: Oh my God, I didn't use the N word, did I?

    Liz: How you doing?
    Jenna: There is no way I am working with that guy. Do you know that he once got arrested for walking naked through LaGuardia? And that he once felt asleep on Ted Danson's roof.
    Liz: Yeah, Tracy has mental health issues.
    Jenna: He bit Dakota Fanning on the face.
    Liz: When you hear his version, she was kind of asking for it.
    Jenna: I can't even believe that you are doing this to me!
    Liz: Listen, I understand this is tough for you, OK? But what did I tell you?
    Jenna: Not to freak out?
    Liz: Right. And what else?
    Jenna: Stop falling in love with gay guys?

    Liz: What do guys like?
    Frank: Porn.
    Liz: No, I mean if you were to go on a date with a girl, how would you want her to act?
    Frank: Like she was in a porn.

    Tracy: And Rule No. 3 to a good marriage: Work the va-jay-jay.

    Liz: Okay, this is gonna sound really weird. But, um, you need to wear a bra.
    Cerie: Oh, no. I... I don't actually. They kinda just stay up on their own.
    (Cerie starts bouncing up and down to prove her point.)
    Liz: Um, yeah, okay. What I'm saying is you need to wear a bra to work if you wanna be taken seriously in this business.
    Cerie: Oh, but I don't actually wanna work in television. Career-wise, I'm just gonna marry rich and design handbags.

    Jack: Once I set my mind on something I have to accomplish it.
    10 years ago I was one and a half inch shorter than I am today. Pure will-power.

    Tracy [angry at being called "Normal" in a magazine picture]: That's character assassination! That's not normal! It only looks like I'm walking out of a Starbucks when actually I'm doing the robot going backwards into a Starbucks! And I don't even know who dog that is. Yes, I steal dogs!

    Jenna: You're back with Dennis?
    Liz: I'm back with Dennis.
    (Jenna gives Liz a look.)
    Liz: Don't look at me with your eyebrows all up, it's so annoying.
    Jenna: Oh, yes, I'm annoying. Not the man who honked your boobs on the Jumbo Screen
    Liz: That was before, and it was the playoffs.

    Tracy: Without my street cred I'm Wayne Brady.
    Liz: Wayne Brady has three Emmys. You have a people's choice award which you stole from Wayne Brady.
  3. Tracy: I have to be charming on Conan tonight. This is my chance to redeem myself with mainstream America.
    Toofer: Okay, well. Just tell us some things about your life, and we’ll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy.
    Pete: Maybe something about you and your wife.
    Tracy: Me and my wife like to play rape. She go in the bathroom and do her hair. Then, I’ll put on a ski mask…
    Frank: Hey, uh, you got anything about being a dad? People eat that garbage up.
    Tracy: I like to walk around my house naked, to remind my oldest son who’s still got the biggest ding-dong.
    Pete: No
    Tracy: Or I could tell the story of how I met Sharon Stone.
    Pete: When was that?
    Tracy: I was pooping in the ladies’ room at The Ivy…
    Pete: No.

    Kenneth: Well I started in the NBC page program, and now I'm starring in a hit movie with my best friend and roommate Zac Braff. (takes a sip from his invisible mug; laughs) Where did you hear that? Well yes I know how to clog, but I'm sure no one wants to see that... (waits for nonexistant audience reaction) You do! Okay
    (Kenneth begins to clog; Conan enters)
    Conan: You're a weird kid, Kenneth.
    Kenneth: (still clogging) See you tomorrow, Mr. O'Brien!

    (Liz watches Dennis on Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" in shock)
    Chris Hansen: What are you doing here?
    Dennis: (with balloons) I'm here to boff some chick named Mary.
    Chris Hansen: Boff some chick named Mary... do you know how old Mary is?
    Dennis: 22... I think?
    (Liz screams, Dennis runs in and turns off the tv)
    Liz: Oh my God!
    Dennis: Oh crap! That girl said she was 16, but I swear to God I could tell she was 22!
    Liz: Get out of my apartment!
    Dennis: This happened while we were broken up!
    Liz: No, no, no, no, no. I was right about you. This is a con, by the way. You on Dateline is a CON!

    (Dennis' reaction after getting busted on Dateline)
    Dennis: She said she was 16, but I knew she was really 22.

    Jack: Guess where I was last night.
    Liz: Mark Foley's pajama party?
    Jack: No, Kandahar.
    Liz: Afghanistan?
    Jack Yeah, I took the corporate jet to hook up with my neocon inamorata.
    Liz: Well, I'm glad things are still working out for you and your "mystery lady".
    Jack: Actually they're not. I broke up with her.
    Liz: Really? What happened?
    Jack:Well, I finally realized we're not compatible. I mean I'm all for fantasy role play -- but Abu Ghraib?!
    Liz: Well, you know, relationships end, people move on...
    Jack: I'm glad at least I gave it a shot. Thank Dennis for making me do this.
    Liz: Dennis??
    Jack: I might have been too hard on the guy. He's OK.

    Toofer: (looking through a dictionary, sarcastic) Here it is. Izzle. A suffix that can take the place of anything.
    Tracy: Now you're just being patronizzle.
    Frank: Do you know who would love this argument? My racist grandfather.

    Dennis: (reading from his letter) Dear Liz Lemon. While other women have bigger boobs than you, no woman has a bigger heart. When I saw you getting ready to go out and get nailed by a bunch of guys last night, I knew for sure it was over between us. And for the first time since the '86 World Series I cried. I cried like a big dumb homo. And if it were up to me, we would be together for ever. But there's this new thing called "women's liberation" which gives you women the right to choose, and you have chosen to abort me. And that I must live with. So tonight when you arrive home I'll be gone. I have officially renounces my squarters' rights. (he folds the letter) I'll always love you. Goodbye and good luck. I'll never forget you. (he leaves)
    Liz: And that is why we are no longer a couple.

    Dr. Spaceman: (answering phone) This is Dr. Leo Spaceman.
    Liz: (confused) Oh, hi. I'm sorry, I got this number under fertility in the Writers Guild Health Manual?
    Dr. Spaceman: I'm also listed under meth addiction and child psychiatry. So, what can I help you with? I should start by saying that I can't personally help you conceive. Something happened to me while scuba diving.

    Cerie: We both want to have a baby while it's still cool. I already have all the names picked out. If it's a girl, Bookcase or Sandstorm. Or Hat, but that's more of a boy's name.
    Liz: Yeah, I was gonna say.

    Cerie: Guess what, everyone? I'm engaged!
    Frank: Hey, this isn't going to change the way you dress or eat lollypops, is it?
    Cerie: No.
    Frank: Oh, then, congratulations.

    Barbara Walters: (to Jenna on "The View") Your father Werner was a burger server in suburban Santa Barbara, when he spurned your mother Verna for a curly-haired surfer named Roberta. Did that hurt her?

    Jenna: Hey, I gotta miss an hour of rehersal today because I just found out from my publicist that I've been booked on 'The View'.
    Pete: Oh Jenna, thats great. For the first time in your life you'll be in a room full of women and you'll be the least crazy one!.
    Jenna: I know!
  4. Jack: (to Jonathan) What do you think sounds like the better idea -- a talk show without a host, just the voice of the dead lady from "Desperate Housewives"; or a reality show with a lot of super hot nannies who move into a house and help fat kids lose weight? Never mind, this television programming stuff is just one unpredictable ass-ache and I want you to get it out of here!

    Jack: Kenneth, you and I actually have a lot in common. We're both hard workers. When I was your age, it was putting myself through college in Boston. Paddling Swan boats for the tourists.
    Kenneth: Is that a euphemism for some kind of sex worker?

    Jenna: Oh, hello.
    Liz: Hi. How did you get in here?
    Jenna: Oh Liz, if you dress well and enter with confidence, you can get in anywhere.
    Liz: You showed the security guy your boobs didn't you?
    Jenna: Just one, it's not the White House.

    Liz: Okay fine I'll do it, but I'm not going to like it.
    Jack: Thats what your mom said to me last night, booyaa!

    Jack: Uh, Lemon can I speak with you alone for a moment?
    Liz: Thats what your sister asked me last night. Booyaa!

    Jenna: You know I've always reminded myself of Grace Kelly.

    Liz: (on the phone) Hi my name is Liz Lemon and I received flowers from your shop tonight and I can't tell who they're from. (pause) No, no, I did read the card but it's not signed.... no, I'm not with so many men that it's impossible for me to guess...well, that is just...oh, well you know what, I found the card, actually, they're from your mom, so tell your gay mom I said thanks! (hangs up)

    Liz: (as she tries to crawl out inconspicuously and gets caught). This would work on Ugly Betty.

    Frank: (to Jenna) Did you just come from a Suzanne Summers lookalike contest?
    Jenna: Hilarious Frank. Actually I just came from performing at Vagina Day.
    Toofer: Is that an offshot of 'The Vagina Monologues'?
    Jenna: No. We are in no way affiliated in with 'The Vagina Monologues'. Vagina Day is charity event founded by a group of celebrities who have for whatever reasons, never been asked to participate in 'The Vagina Monologues'. Every Febuary 14th we improvise monologues about our lady parts for the homeless.
    Liz: Oh, to benefit the homeless?
    Jenna: No, just...for them.

    Jack: I mean one minute you're newlyweds, making love on the floor of the Concorde, and the next your lawyers are fighting over who gets to keep the box your dog deficates in.
    Liz: You taught your dog to poop in a box?
    Jack: Bianca did, but I want that box.

    Tracy: You need to hook me up with one of them helicopters.
    Ted: Absolutely! I'd be happy to arrange for you to take a ride.
    Tracy: Nah I don't wanna get in it. I wanna blow it up and run away from it in slow motion.

    Tracy: I love this cornbread so much I want to take it behind a middle school and get it pregnant.
  5. Tracy: Who else is going to be at that party?
    Jack: Well, you're going to be sharing the stage with Nas...
    Tracy: Nope, he hates me! We used to date the same girl.
    Jack: What about Young Jeezy?
    Tracy: Forget about it. I called his pit bull gay on 106th and Park.
    Liz: That would do it.
    Jack: The Game?
    Tracy: Nope.
    Jack: T.I.?
    Tracy: It not happenin.
    Jack: Super head?
    Tracy: No can do.
    Jack: Fabulus?
    Tracy: Wont do.
    Jack: Redonkeykong?
    Tracy: Nope.
    Jack: MC Skat Kat?
    Tracy: What?
    Jack: HoMONKulus?
    Tracy: Uh-uh.
    Jack: Raw Dog?
    Tracy: Hell no! Me an his beef go way back. We were both on cast members on Nickelodeon show called "Ray-Ray's Garage."

    Kenneth: I'm sorry, this is a private party.
    Ridikulous: We're with Tracy Jordan.
    Kenneth: Mr. Jordan himself said, "Don't let no one in who's not on the list because this mess is gonna get raw, like sushi. So haters to the left".

    Jenna: I'm so glad you asked. Kabbalah is a wonderful religion that mixes the fun part of Judaism with magic.
    Tracy: So where do you worship?
    Jenna: Where don't you worship? My friend, Madonna ...(gets cut off)

    Tracy: What's your religion, Liz Lemon?
    Liz: I pretty much just do what Oprah tells me.

    Dr. Spaceman: I have the results of your DNA Test, now, I am very serious about doctor/patient confidentiality, so I am gonna have to ask that all four of us keep this to ourselves.

    Liz: Wow! If this turns into a showdown you guys could settle it with a (in a low husky voice) "talking like this" contest.
  6. ancient thread, but bumping because I just discovered 30 rock and loved it.
    How hilarious was last night's episode with the generalissimo alec baldwin? LOL
  7. I DVR'd last nights episode so I haven't watched that one yet but 30 rock is so funny! I love that show

  8. I thought the exWall Street guys as interns was very funny & how Tracy Jordan couldn't keep up with them.
  9. I loved last weeks episode! John Hamm was so good as her love interest! They were so cute!
  10. I just started watching this because I was watching Ugly Betty but I got kind of bored with it. I LOVE 30 Rock.
  11. Allisonfaye, omg, the same thing happened to me! This year so many shows got boring... Ugly betty isn't as funny this season, i stopped watching Desperate Housewives altogether, Weeds and Entourage won't start again until the summer...
    30 rock is my comedy oasis right now.
  12. me too danae ^^ This show and The Office keep me laughing.....

    "I. Want. To. Go. There."
  13. 30 Rock is one of my favorite shows!
  14. We love 30 Rock here! Alec Baldwin and Tina Fey are f'ing hysterical!
  15. I heart 30 Rock!!