Parents who put you down

[senzafine]

Okay, maybe i'm overreacting a little, but lately all i've been getting from my mom is negativity. Keep in mind i'm only 19 so these aren't major career choices just yet, but i'm so annoyed.

I've been trying to look for a new job in the past few weeks, and everytime I come home from applying or doing an interview, my mom goes "no one wants to hire you, you have no experience...blah blah blah you don't do anything" What's up with that? Is it so wrong to look for a better job? I mean really, at the same time my mom tells me no one will hire me she also tells me that me majoring in accounting is awful, and I should had majored in teaching, because they pay more. I have no idea who told her that, but I'm pretty sure her logic is wrong and upside down.

Aside from all of that, I have a year + experience at being an SA selling Coach bags (not at the actual store, but department store)...which might not be much to her but to me it's sure a hell of alot better than flipping burgers. But to her that's nothing. She thinks it's useless which infuriates me to no end because I KNOW that she wouldn't even be able to be a SA because she isn't fluent in English nor does she have the people skills. So basically I just really don't get why she always has to tell me I won't get anything better jobwise because I can't do any better.

 

[Buttery]

Okay, maybe i'm overreacting a little, but lately all i've been getting from my mom is negativity. Keep in mind i'm only 19 so these aren't major career choices just yet, but i'm so annoyed.

I've been trying to look for a new job in the past few weeks, and everytime I come home from applying or doing an interview, my mom goes "no one wants to hire you, you have no experience...blah blah blah you don't do anything" What's up with that? Is it so wrong to look for a better job? I mean really, at the same time my mom tells me no one will hire me she also tells me that me majoring in accounting is awful, and I should had majored in teaching, because they pay more. I have no idea who told her that, but I'm pretty sure her logic is wrong and upside down.

Aside from all of that, I have a year + experience at being an SA selling Coach bags (not at the actual store, but department store)...which might not be much to her but to me it's sure a hell of alot better than flipping burgers. But to her that's nothing. She thinks it's useless which infuriates me to no end because I KNOW that she wouldn't even be able to be a SA because she isn't fluent in English nor does she have the people skills. So basically I just really don't get why she always has to tell me I won't get anything better jobwise because I can't do any better.

Don't give up...Most of the time, parents' negative remarks are just made out of fear (and believe it or not, love ); they would feel more secure to see you take a safe route than to take a risk. I can totally relate to what you're going through; my mother made many discouraging remarks when I was trying to get the type of job that I wanted. After I actually got what I wanted, it was as if she had never made those remarks. Just hang in there and whatever you do, don't complain about it in front of her because it will only encourage the remarks. If what you've been doing hasn't been very effective careerwise, explore other avenues and make some adjustments. (Consider internships, volunteer work, more education, ect.) Stay stong and good luck to you!

 

[alvie223]

hugs things can only get better

 

[senzafine]

Thank you for your kind words!

I know that she probably does care, but it's just hard to come home from job hunting for the past weeks and getting that look of disgust from her. It's not even a career job or anything, I just need something that will help me get through college for now, however my choices usually are companies that I would want to climb up the ladder in.

I guess you're right though, I probably shouldn't say anything to her at all when it comes to complaints. I once said I'd like a job that pays more than what I make now and she went off and chuckled.

 

[koukanamiya]

Don't despair!! The job market is getting better, although employers would like you to think otherwise so they can underpay you. Job hunting is a job in itself, the trick is persistency and sending out lots of resumes. Don't let your Mom discourage you (I know where you're coming from, mine's like that too), just don't take what she says to heart and stay positive. I'm SURE you'll find a job very soon, hang in there.

 

[Irishgal]

Ya know, my mom was like that when I was younger. She was horribly horribly critical, one of the most hurtful things was when I passed my dissertation orals and she was the first one I called, her response was "well, you must have cheated somehow". (sidebar, anyone who understands the dissertation process knows that is not possible). To this day she continues to throw barbs at me. You have to learn to deflect them and at the same time respect her as your mother, no easy job, but as you continue down life's path it will get easier..

 

[BalenciagaLove]

One of my friends used to say that your parents know how to push your buttons because they put them there. I do think Buttery is right. She loves you and it probably is out of fear. Also, she probably has no idea how what she says impacts you. Hang in there, things will get better. It's really tough right now, but follow the path you have chosen for yourself. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so you will succeed.

 

[LTV]

Awhh, I am sorry to hear that! I am fortunate that both my parents are supportive of every major life decisions I have made. I majored in accounting, and let me tell you the reason why I picked that is that IMO,I felt that amongst the business majors, accounting is the most substantial. And now that I am out of school, I am so happy with my career choice. I was able to find a job immediately after school with no accounting experience or whatsoever. I felt that my accounting degree paved that way for me... Cheer up girl! Our parents only want the best for us, but sometimes, they have just the oddest way of expressing themselves!

 

[Nymph]

I'm soz to hear that ya Mom isn't most supportive...

I'm sure things will work out for you, and then you can prove her wrong. Don't stop believing in yourself! Sometimes, our parents don't always know what's best for us.

G'luck with ya job search!

 

[ruusu]

Maybe she doesn't want to see you disappionted if you don't get work?... But still she is being a little negative. Maybe you could talk to her and tell her that she isn't helping by being so negative? :/

 

[Buttery]

Thank you for your kind words!

I know that she probably does care, but it's just hard to come home from job hunting for the past weeks and getting that look of disgust from her. It's not even a career job or anything, I just need something that will help me get through college for now, however my choices usually are companies that I would want to climb up the ladder in.

I guess you're right though, I probably shouldn't say anything to her at all when it comes to complaints. I once said I'd like a job that pays more than what I make now and she went off and chuckled.

She probably thinks that you want a lot without "paying any dues" in the job world, but I'm sure that you know better. Try not to just talk about it anymore...as a daughter, your task in this situation is to show her (and yourself) that you are willing to put in the work it takes to get to where you want to be. Start thinking about actions you can take...do some serious research and networking. I meant to mention earlier that it might be wise to join certain professional organizations and attend certain job fairs. This will likely give you many networking opportunities.

 

[Buttery]

One of my friends used to say that your parents know how to push your buttons because they put them there.

Wow...that makes a lot of sense! My mother used to know exactly what to say to piss me off...but it totally motivated me. Whenever I feel like giving up, I still (at age 35) remember some of her criticisms...It gave me the push that I needed.

 

[kathyrose]

Some parents are like that. BF's dad said something like "Oh so you have a job now you feel like you've accomplished something" or something like that. He was referring to his job as a SA at Sears, because it was just a SA job.

I told BF he could stick it up his father's @$$ cause he can work whatever job he wants (he didn't stay there long but he was excited that he found a job while going to college). Being a SA is a job, being a garbage man is a job, being a janitor is a job. Does it make anyone's wroth less as a person? No. Someone has to do it. It just happened that none of it was his father. I hate that he looked down on BF's job back then.

I know that it works on some people as encouragement but not on others.

Don't worry. Just keep moving on at your own pace and at the job you like. I know many people work at a job they don't love and they're dying inside day by day. Hang in there.

 

[sekmeht]

To be honest my mum is also so so critical. No matter what I do in life, no matter what I achieve its never good enough for her. Lately she has been questioning my decision to study further and she keeps saying its all a waste. she is never happy about my achievements and she always tells me I look fat. I know she does not mean to be mean but it comes across like that....She drives me nuts...but the older I get I miss her more and I wish our relationship was better. I guess I am yearning for a relationship that used to be - a long time ago..

Hang in there things will get better...and just listen with one ear and let it out the other ear....mums are just too critical....it sucks...who knows why?

I just hope that one day I can be a better mum