Have you guys seen this? Some of these entries are HILARIOUS beyond belief!! I guarantee tons of LOLs if you read any of these!
Some are 18+ so be warned!
Best of Craigslist!
Some are 18+ so be warned!
Best of Craigslist!
Best of Craigslist
- Thread starter MichelleAntonia
- Start date
Dude, the Free Hot. LMAOOOOOO........
Do you need a year round way to water your lawn, deck, yard, garage? Have you ever wondered what a 425 gallon colander looks like? Ever really wanted a motorized dog bath? Today is your lucky day. I have a free hot tub. Yes it is complete and it is drained. I drained part of it and it drained itself the rest of the way. Where does it leak??? Find that and you have found the leprechaun with the pot of gold. This unit is perfect for the individual who knows no limit to frustration. The type of person who likes a challenge even when there is no chance of winning. This will build the kind of character in you the armed forces dream of. You will find yourself exhibiting behavior that you never thought possible, but ITS FREE!!!! You will need strong backs to load and a trailer. I will be able to offer short bouts of sympathy and witty banter while you prepare to begin your journey.
If this interests you, and it should because ITS FREE, you will need to call and schedule to come by and pick it up. Please remember, I am not a business as it is hard to make a living giving things away. Please call and let me know when you will be there as I have other things to do. I will not guarantee anything except you have your work cut out for you. I will not deliver it, save it, paint it, or take photos of it for you until it is on your trailer....again...ITS FREE. Please call me if you want it. [DELETED]
Coleman 411 5 Person tub
Has Cover
Pumps, heater, etc did work
Air injector pump has been disconnected
The rest is a foam filled crap shoot
Do you need a year round way to water your lawn, deck, yard, garage? Have you ever wondered what a 425 gallon colander looks like? Ever really wanted a motorized dog bath? Today is your lucky day. I have a free hot tub. Yes it is complete and it is drained. I drained part of it and it drained itself the rest of the way. Where does it leak??? Find that and you have found the leprechaun with the pot of gold. This unit is perfect for the individual who knows no limit to frustration. The type of person who likes a challenge even when there is no chance of winning. This will build the kind of character in you the armed forces dream of. You will find yourself exhibiting behavior that you never thought possible, but ITS FREE!!!! You will need strong backs to load and a trailer. I will be able to offer short bouts of sympathy and witty banter while you prepare to begin your journey.
If this interests you, and it should because ITS FREE, you will need to call and schedule to come by and pick it up. Please remember, I am not a business as it is hard to make a living giving things away. Please call and let me know when you will be there as I have other things to do. I will not guarantee anything except you have your work cut out for you. I will not deliver it, save it, paint it, or take photos of it for you until it is on your trailer....again...ITS FREE. Please call me if you want it. [DELETED]
Coleman 411 5 Person tub
Has Cover
Pumps, heater, etc did work
Air injector pump has been disconnected
The rest is a foam filled crap shoot
......This one cracked me up:
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DESCRIBE THE APARTMENT NOT THE SCENERY
Date: 2008-12-19, 7:33PM EST
"Walk To Financial District, Air Canada Centre, Cn Tower, Union Station, Harbour Front, Shopping,Indoor Swimming Pool, Whirlpool,Sauna, Exercise Room, Aerobics Room, Party Room With Kitchen, Conference/Meeting Room, Billiards Room, Library/Card Room, Cinema, Business Centre And 24 Hr Security.
Occupancy date 1st of January 2009. "
This was actually the description. Thanks, really narrows it down for me.
So let me get this straight, my $12000 in rent this year gets me some nice walks it appears to various places in the city (WICKED), a party room(do I sleep there?), and aerobics room (sweet, just what I needed to make my decision). 24hr security too, so when I am sleeping in the party room, I know I will be safe.
You have to ask yourself one question.
Are you retarded?
I really hope you're not in sales, I'd fire you for being retarded.
Imagine if your description said this:
1. Studio apartment at the foot of Yonge st. (location, that's important)
2. Parking, Locker, Utilities incl. or not, average price of those things...
3. Approx square footage, maybe even if it comes with appliances.
(I know I ask too much)
4. HAD A GOD DAMN PHOTO OF THE ACTUAL ****ING APARTMENT, or a drawing from a 5 year old monkey as a close approximation.
5. Sorry lost it there, I value my time and I've wasted 5 hours looking.
6. The amenities. Pool, etc.
I would have probably rented it, if it had any of the above, even 3 of 6. I'll lose it every time so that stays on the list at number 5. You don't have to include the monkey, just a reasonable hand drawn facsimile of an apartment or a monkey. **** it could be a parallelogram, I couldn't tell the difference, heck I'd even rent a parallelogram cardboard box at this point.
I'm going to shovel snow and so help me god I hope I have a heart attack, hopefully St. Peter has better descriptions of the places available in Heaven.
If I go south when I die, it'll be a studio apartment for me, at the foot of Yonge, where I live in an aerobics room, and can walk places.
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DESCRIBE THE APARTMENT NOT THE SCENERY
Date: 2008-12-19, 7:33PM EST
"Walk To Financial District, Air Canada Centre, Cn Tower, Union Station, Harbour Front, Shopping,Indoor Swimming Pool, Whirlpool,Sauna, Exercise Room, Aerobics Room, Party Room With Kitchen, Conference/Meeting Room, Billiards Room, Library/Card Room, Cinema, Business Centre And 24 Hr Security.
Occupancy date 1st of January 2009. "
This was actually the description. Thanks, really narrows it down for me.
So let me get this straight, my $12000 in rent this year gets me some nice walks it appears to various places in the city (WICKED), a party room(do I sleep there?), and aerobics room (sweet, just what I needed to make my decision). 24hr security too, so when I am sleeping in the party room, I know I will be safe.
You have to ask yourself one question.
Are you retarded?
I really hope you're not in sales, I'd fire you for being retarded.
Imagine if your description said this:
1. Studio apartment at the foot of Yonge st. (location, that's important)
2. Parking, Locker, Utilities incl. or not, average price of those things...
3. Approx square footage, maybe even if it comes with appliances.
(I know I ask too much)
4. HAD A GOD DAMN PHOTO OF THE ACTUAL ****ING APARTMENT, or a drawing from a 5 year old monkey as a close approximation.
5. Sorry lost it there, I value my time and I've wasted 5 hours looking.
6. The amenities. Pool, etc.
I would have probably rented it, if it had any of the above, even 3 of 6. I'll lose it every time so that stays on the list at number 5. You don't have to include the monkey, just a reasonable hand drawn facsimile of an apartment or a monkey. **** it could be a parallelogram, I couldn't tell the difference, heck I'd even rent a parallelogram cardboard box at this point.
I'm going to shovel snow and so help me god I hope I have a heart attack, hopefully St. Peter has better descriptions of the places available in Heaven.
If I go south when I die, it'll be a studio apartment for me, at the foot of Yonge, where I live in an aerobics room, and can walk places.
And this one....
To the girl who sucker-punched me outside of Spaceland NYE - m4w
Date: 2009-01-01, 11:18AM PST
I'm sorry we got off to a wrong start. I wasn't aware that throwing a beer at people dancing on stage was considered, as you put it, "rock and roll." I thought that beverage-tossing had been phased out with the rest of the hillbilly scene. I apologize for having not re-caught up on the times.
As I approached you in the street after the show, my intentions were non-confrontational. I was just trying to find out for myself and the many others on stage why we had been doused with cheap beer. Unfortunately, our discussion quickly led to heated exchange of words, culminating with you spitting in my face. I gladly reciprocated the act, rather than physically assault a female.
I thought we were all cool after the spit-swapping incident, but a few minutes later, you came storming down the street, grabbed my hoodie, and sucker-punched me in the face. While defending myself, I proceeded to attack you with off-color comments, but I quickly calmed down. You, on the other hand, did not.
When I tried to be civil, you still called me a "******." To be fair, I did retaliate by calling you a "douchey ****" several times but I think your name was a bit more fitting as I don't actually enjoy having sex with other men. Granted, I have never actually had sex with other men, but it has never become such a desire that it'd be something I'd actively seek out...unless maybe if I were in prison. Fortunately, I'm not in prison.
We've already swapped spit, how about taking our relationship one step further? Let's meet up again. I think we could have a really great time together. Here's to a wonderful 2009.
Location: Silverlake
it's NOT ok to contact this poster
To the girl who sucker-punched me outside of Spaceland NYE - m4w
Date: 2009-01-01, 11:18AM PST
I'm sorry we got off to a wrong start. I wasn't aware that throwing a beer at people dancing on stage was considered, as you put it, "rock and roll." I thought that beverage-tossing had been phased out with the rest of the hillbilly scene. I apologize for having not re-caught up on the times.
As I approached you in the street after the show, my intentions were non-confrontational. I was just trying to find out for myself and the many others on stage why we had been doused with cheap beer. Unfortunately, our discussion quickly led to heated exchange of words, culminating with you spitting in my face. I gladly reciprocated the act, rather than physically assault a female.
I thought we were all cool after the spit-swapping incident, but a few minutes later, you came storming down the street, grabbed my hoodie, and sucker-punched me in the face. While defending myself, I proceeded to attack you with off-color comments, but I quickly calmed down. You, on the other hand, did not.
When I tried to be civil, you still called me a "******." To be fair, I did retaliate by calling you a "douchey ****" several times but I think your name was a bit more fitting as I don't actually enjoy having sex with other men. Granted, I have never actually had sex with other men, but it has never become such a desire that it'd be something I'd actively seek out...unless maybe if I were in prison. Fortunately, I'm not in prison.
We've already swapped spit, how about taking our relationship one step further? Let's meet up again. I think we could have a really great time together. Here's to a wonderful 2009.
Location: Silverlake
it's NOT ok to contact this poster
An SF bus driver (MUNI i'm sureLOL) to his passengers:
Greetings from your friendly bus driver!
I greatly appreciate your efforts to speed things along for all of us by hopping out of your seat and striding up the aisle toward the door while we're still a block or so from your stop. However, I must point out that this actually costs us more time because when I see you in my mirror I must slow down and do everything much more slowly. Why do you think this might be? Well, the streets are full of bicycles, skateboards, escaped pets, clueless fellow drivers veering in unpredictable ways, and yes, even bus driver un-forced errors! This, in turn, means that there may well be a need to tap, or god forbid, really nail the brakes. What happens then? Well, according to the laws of Newtonian physics, you fly horizontally throughout the bus interior until you crush your skull against the farebox, or if the oncoming traffic is lucky enough to get the slide show, the inside of the windshield.
Oh, you say, that won't happen to me, I have excellent balance, I'm a surfer (skateboarder, jogger, yoga buff, tightrope walker etc.); or better yet, Don't worry, I'm holding on to the handrail... heh heh heh...
Well, I'll admit, this will help if I accidentally nudge the curb while pulling into the stop at 2 or 3 MPH, but if a real sudden stop is required, you will probably just rip your arm off on the way to your safety glass facial. Now there'll be blood in the aisle AND on the windshield to clean up.
Do you know what happens to the driver when a passenger falls down and sustains a serious or fatal injury on the bus? Discipline? Firing? Criminal charges? No, it's than far worse than that. It's.... paperwork! And not just for me. We have to park there while every single person on the goddamn bus fills out a witness card to give their version of events. Some people take a half an hour to remember their own name. So do not be so selfish as to put us all through that. You wanna crack your skull, go do it on your own time. And if I should, in a moment of ill-advised giving-a-****ing-****, ask you to just relax and sit tight till we pull up in about another 15 seconds, just sit the **** down and don't start an argument with me while I am dodging a homeless guy with twigs in his beard who stumbles off the curb a few feet in front of us and stoops down to embrace the front bumper because he mistakes if a long-lost child. (LMAO!!!!!!!!)
And another thing-- why is it that 9 out of 10 senior and/or physically disabled riders stand and walk (or attempt it) on the way to their stops? No ****, you guys are the worst offenders of all! I am not "profiling" here; you ****ers INDENTIFY YOURSELVES with Senior/Disables ID cards in order to get half fare. Some of you people can hardly stand, you can barely step onto the bus without dropping dead, you take 10 minutes to shuffle 10 feet down the aisle to get a seat. And then, half of you are on walkers, for ****'s sake, and you have to get up and lean on a device ON WHEELS while you walk forward in a forward-moving bus. "It's OK," you say, "I'm holding onto my walker." Do I even need to point out the idiocy of this? Why not just stand on a skateboard?
Even you guys with serious degenerative nervous system conditions that have caused total muscle atrophy and require the use of not one but TWO canes... man, you people scare the **** out of me. I am just trying to get you to your destination SAFELY, can you give me a ****ing break?
What is the deal with the Senior and Disabled riders? Are you trying to prove that you don't need any special consideration, that you can cope with life just like any other citizen? Well if that's the case then you can SIT THE **** DOWN like any other citizen. I am not discriminating against you because you are clearly one tremor away from breaking your fall with your forehead. I tell all kinds of young and physically fit riders to please sit down. I don't need a demonstration of your locomotion chops. You want to tell me "Hey man, in spite of this walker I can run like a deer," that is great, I'll be very impressed. DON'T BUS-SURF.
And you think this is my pet peeve? How about when I play the COMPANY-SUPLLIED recorded message to "Please keep your seats while the bus is in motion?"
You think I recorded that just for you? No. The management doesn't want to do the paperwok either, let alone deal with your ******** lawsuit... oh yeah, you could set your watch on that one.
And don't even get me started on you self-centered twits on your cell phones. The whole bus does not want to hear about your yeast infection, how much you puked after the kegger ("Dude, it was SICK!"... as in really great), or what kind of lettuce you saw at the supermarket.
And you special cases who get on, take a quiet piss on one of the seats, and then get off one stop later... well all I can say is **** you. That pretty much covers it.
!!!
Greetings from your friendly bus driver!
I greatly appreciate your efforts to speed things along for all of us by hopping out of your seat and striding up the aisle toward the door while we're still a block or so from your stop. However, I must point out that this actually costs us more time because when I see you in my mirror I must slow down and do everything much more slowly. Why do you think this might be? Well, the streets are full of bicycles, skateboards, escaped pets, clueless fellow drivers veering in unpredictable ways, and yes, even bus driver un-forced errors! This, in turn, means that there may well be a need to tap, or god forbid, really nail the brakes. What happens then? Well, according to the laws of Newtonian physics, you fly horizontally throughout the bus interior until you crush your skull against the farebox, or if the oncoming traffic is lucky enough to get the slide show, the inside of the windshield.
Oh, you say, that won't happen to me, I have excellent balance, I'm a surfer (skateboarder, jogger, yoga buff, tightrope walker etc.); or better yet, Don't worry, I'm holding on to the handrail... heh heh heh...
Well, I'll admit, this will help if I accidentally nudge the curb while pulling into the stop at 2 or 3 MPH, but if a real sudden stop is required, you will probably just rip your arm off on the way to your safety glass facial. Now there'll be blood in the aisle AND on the windshield to clean up.
Do you know what happens to the driver when a passenger falls down and sustains a serious or fatal injury on the bus? Discipline? Firing? Criminal charges? No, it's than far worse than that. It's.... paperwork! And not just for me. We have to park there while every single person on the goddamn bus fills out a witness card to give their version of events. Some people take a half an hour to remember their own name. So do not be so selfish as to put us all through that. You wanna crack your skull, go do it on your own time. And if I should, in a moment of ill-advised giving-a-****ing-****, ask you to just relax and sit tight till we pull up in about another 15 seconds, just sit the **** down and don't start an argument with me while I am dodging a homeless guy with twigs in his beard who stumbles off the curb a few feet in front of us and stoops down to embrace the front bumper because he mistakes if a long-lost child. (LMAO!!!!!!!!)
And another thing-- why is it that 9 out of 10 senior and/or physically disabled riders stand and walk (or attempt it) on the way to their stops? No ****, you guys are the worst offenders of all! I am not "profiling" here; you ****ers INDENTIFY YOURSELVES with Senior/Disables ID cards in order to get half fare. Some of you people can hardly stand, you can barely step onto the bus without dropping dead, you take 10 minutes to shuffle 10 feet down the aisle to get a seat. And then, half of you are on walkers, for ****'s sake, and you have to get up and lean on a device ON WHEELS while you walk forward in a forward-moving bus. "It's OK," you say, "I'm holding onto my walker." Do I even need to point out the idiocy of this? Why not just stand on a skateboard?
Even you guys with serious degenerative nervous system conditions that have caused total muscle atrophy and require the use of not one but TWO canes... man, you people scare the **** out of me. I am just trying to get you to your destination SAFELY, can you give me a ****ing break?
What is the deal with the Senior and Disabled riders? Are you trying to prove that you don't need any special consideration, that you can cope with life just like any other citizen? Well if that's the case then you can SIT THE **** DOWN like any other citizen. I am not discriminating against you because you are clearly one tremor away from breaking your fall with your forehead. I tell all kinds of young and physically fit riders to please sit down. I don't need a demonstration of your locomotion chops. You want to tell me "Hey man, in spite of this walker I can run like a deer," that is great, I'll be very impressed. DON'T BUS-SURF.
And you think this is my pet peeve? How about when I play the COMPANY-SUPLLIED recorded message to "Please keep your seats while the bus is in motion?"
You think I recorded that just for you? No. The management doesn't want to do the paperwok either, let alone deal with your ******** lawsuit... oh yeah, you could set your watch on that one.
And don't even get me started on you self-centered twits on your cell phones. The whole bus does not want to hear about your yeast infection, how much you puked after the kegger ("Dude, it was SICK!"... as in really great), or what kind of lettuce you saw at the supermarket.
And you special cases who get on, take a quiet piss on one of the seats, and then get off one stop later... well all I can say is **** you. That pretty much covers it.
!!!
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this is GENIUS! i need one of these too!!!
Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party
Date: 2008-08-26, 3:22PM CDT
We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a **** load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.
the birthday is on Friday, Sept. 5th in Bucktown. Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get ****faced. Don't worry, we will purchase all the drinks.
Seeking Adult Drunk Clown for 30th Birthday party
Date: 2008-08-26, 3:22PM CDT
We need an Adult Drunk Clown who is good at getting drunk and stupid. No need to do any clown tricks, just hang out and drink a **** load. We will be hopping around to different bars and want a clown to tag a long and drink heavely. He doesn't even need to socialize with anyone, just drink.
the birthday is on Friday, Sept. 5th in Bucktown. Oh, did I mention that the clown needs to get ****faced. Don't worry, we will purchase all the drinks.
Oh **** man, I need a gig. This might be the one.
Do you think it could become a regular thing, like at least monthly?
you're gonna have to fight me for it!!!
wait-- someone might need two drunken brawling clowns, we can go in on the act together...