anyone feel this way? -- Buying Stuff and Happiness

oranGetRee

oranGetRee

**I am a Vain Pot**
O.G.
Jan 19, 2006
3,650
4,048
#1
Generally, I am more or less self sufficient, with a few wants. I have a short wishlist - get an agenda and buy a few pieces of pearl jewelry.

I saw the agenda I want -- LV damier azur small agenda. It is not that costly and I do have the money to buy it. However, I have been postponing the purchase day after day. I know I will want another luxury item after this purchase. Buying the agenda will only give me temporal happiness (of cos, it is useful). The scary part is, I will want another luxury item after a month.

This is different from Intlset's 'Sick of Spending...' thread. I'm not sick of spending and buying pretty stuff yet. How I wish I am!

Some suggested caring for others, reading, spending time with family members etc are true happiness. This is true but it doesn't replace my desire to buy things for that temporal thrill and happiness. And if I keep postponing the 'want', I get moody and unhappy.

Guess I haven't seen the "light". Anyone struggling like me now? ... and anyone used to struggle like me?:sad:
 
#2
That would be me as well.

I don't really blame myself as I think I have issues. Seriously, I have issues. I am lonely, stressed and irritated with my parents' ongoing drama. I know I could stop my materialist ways but to be honest, I don't really want to. I mean, my wallet aches from all the exercise its been doing with the input and output of its contents, but it's the brand new items at the end of the day that distracts me from daily annoyances.

Once my life has settled down and I find another obsession that is not material based, I think I will be happier. This is clearly temporary, superficial and harmful to the earth in terms of resources. I am ashamed of myself when I imagine the other 75% of the world slaving their backsides off for pennies a day.
 
#3
JAN! said:
That would be me as well.

I don't really blame myself as I think I have issues. Seriously, I have issues. I am lonely, stressed and irritated with my parents' ongoing drama. I know I could stop my materialist ways but to be honest, I don't really want to. I mean, my wallet aches from all the exercise its been doing with the input and output of its contents, but it's the brand new items at the end of the day that distracts me from daily annoyances.

Once my life has settled down and I find another obsession that is not material based, I think I will be happier. This is clearly temporary, superficial and harmful to the earth in terms of resources. I am ashamed of myself when I imagine the other 75% of the world slaving their backsides off for pennies a day.
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Hi Jan, thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry that you are going through rough times now. If you need a place to vent, please feel free to drop me a PM any time. **hug hug**
 
#4
I admit I do love to shop and am a compulsive, obsessive buyer for anything on sale. I am not sick of spending but really enjoyed it quite a bit.

Although I do have to say that this last year, I am pretty good when it comes to NOT spending and having a little control over my this issue; and I am lucky because I have a DH now who is supportive of me wanting to save a little for our future (I spend when I do not have a care of tomorrow and for no-one, yeah loneliness makes you spend too).

I always keep mind of those who slave for pennies in other countries and also the less fortunate children over here; which is why I never waste food and won't buy any fake goods and have always tried to support the US-made goods so that the US economy can continue going strong & continue to give to charities or help another country less fortunate (disaster-wise; we give a lot more or at least as much as many other countries).
 
#5
oranGetRee said:
I'm not sick of spending and buying pretty stuff yet. How I wish I am!

Some suggested caring for others, reading, spending time with family members etc are true happiness. This is true but it doesn't replace my desire to buy things for that temporal thrill and happiness. And if I keep postponing the 'want', I get moody and unhappy.
Click to expand...

OranGetRee I totally feel you! I wish I could just flip a switch and not want things, but I do. (Kind of like I wish I didn't have a sweet tooth, but I do....and it must be fed :graucho:)

Seriously though, I'm not sure what exactly it is. I rarely make impulse purchases - mostly because I have to save up for what I buy, and I have to make sure that I really really love it - but as soon as I get whatever it is I've been wanting and saving for, I get this hangover kind of feeling, like immediate buyer's remorse. (If I order something online, sometimes this will even happen as soon as the transaction is completed, even BEFORE I get the thing!) Other times, I get the hangover before I've even used it. Like, I'm afraid to use it because I don't think it will live up to what I wanted it to be. And then immediately I'm on the hunt for my next "gotta have". It's a constant up and down with me.

Yes, I have problems! But somehow being here makes me feel better :shame:
 
#6
balihai88 said:
OranGetRee I totally feel you! I wish I could just flip a switch and not want things, but I do. (Kind of like I wish I didn't have a sweet tooth, but I do....and it must be fed :graucho:)

Seriously though, I'm not sure what exactly it is. I rarely make impulse purchases - mostly because I have to save up for what I buy, and I have to make sure that I really really love it - but as soon as I get whatever it is I've been wanting and saving for, I get this hangover kind of feeling, like immediate buyer's remorse. (If I order something online, sometimes this will even happen as soon as the transaction is completed, even BEFORE I get the thing!) Other times, I get the hangover before I've even used it. Like, I'm afraid to use it because I don't think it will live up to what I wanted it to be. And then immediately I'm on the hunt for my next "gotta have". It's a constant up and down with me.

Yes, I have problems! But somehow being here makes me feel better :shame:
Click to expand...

I can identify the part when you mention 'buyer's remorse'. I feel the same way too even though I still love and treasure the item. I wish I can be less demanding (i.e. when I want something, I WANT something...) and learn to save up for the things I want. But so far I can't. When I set my eyes on an item, I usually get it within a week. :sad: To restrain myself from buying will make me feel miserable.

The only good thing is, I don't spend like there is no tomorrow. I only wish I can exercise more restraint in buying. If anyone has tips to share, please do let me know.
 
#7
I sympathize and I know where you're coming from. I feel the same way as you do: I wish I could stop buying stuff sometimes. But as a nearly-50-year-old lady let me tell you something: it's a lot cheaper than therapy, so long as you're not spending too much. And it's perhaps more effective too.

Over the years I've gone through lots of obsession/buying phases that I wish I could turn off. First there was embroidery. (You may not think it's expensive, but when you start to spend $360-$450 to have an embroidered linen panel properly mounted and framed, it adds up. Then there's the silk thread and the $60 pieces of linen.) Then there was the antique dolls collection. Then the costume jewelry. Now purses.

I've always been excessively frugal, I economize in other areas of my life, and I try not to spend more than $1K a year on one of my "frivolous obsessions." Still, I wish I wouldn't spend this. I have a closet full of 30 purses and more opera-length triple-strand faux pearl sets with rhinestone clasps than I will ever wear.

On the other hand it *is* cheaper than therapy (who hasn't gone through some wicked things in their life for which they could use, if not therapy, at least some regular feel-good opportunities?). And it *is* effective at getting your brain to spew out some of those feel-good opiates of its own manufacture a few times a day. So what the heck. When momma's happy, everyone is happy, isn't that the truth?

One trick I have is that when I see a purse that I love (or a jacket or shoes) I think "Would I rather wear that than XXX in my closet?" Then I think of my favorite purse or jacket or shoes. Or, if I'm near my closet I actually pull it out to admire it. "No," I think, "I would not prefer to wear that over that favorite piece in my closet." That has saved me a lot of money.

Still, I wish I could go back to my student days when all the clothes I owned could be stuffed into a duffel bag and I never had more than one purse at a time.

Some years ago, after we purchased our first house, I went a full year without buying any clothes, shoes, or makeup. I wish I could do that again. Maybe I'll try it for 2008.

On the other hand I think "Ah, but life is short! Why not buy the things you love so long as you're not going in debt?" ;) I suppose it's all a matter of balance.
 
#8
Who ever said "shopping is not good therapy" was a liar!! ... although we all need to live within our means... maybe you just need to do without something in order to buy something else you really want?
 
#9
BigPurseSue, thanks so much for your thoughts.

I'm just wondering how does your DH react to your spending? For me, DH has been understanding but I do feel that at times there was a silent disapproval at my bigger-amount spending. He does not say anything as he feels that it is my money and I would know when to spend/ when not to spend.

This year, I have spent more than usd6k of non-essential items. I hope next year I can have a break through, be a little less demanding and cut down on these unnecessary items. A little therapy is fine... I hope I won't over do it.
 
#10
>>>I'm just wondering how does your DH react to your spending? For me, DH has been understanding but I do feel that at times there was a silent disapproval at my bigger-amount spending. He does not say anything as he feels that it is my money and I would know when to spend/ when not to spend.

I would hate that sense of silent disapproval.

My DH is a dear, sweet man. We've been together 22 years and we really do love each other more with each passing year, which tells you that great love is possible even when you age! :tup: I honestly don't know what he thinks of my spending, or if he cares, or if he even notices for that matter. When we got married we vowed that we would never argue about money or disapprove of the other's expenditures. But we're overall both very sensible, responsible people and of like mind. We've never had financial problems.

In some ways though he's pretty oblivious to his surroundings, off in Nerd World. One time he said to me "I'm glad you don't collect anything silly like antique dolls like my mother does." Should I point out that there are antique dolls scattered around every room of the house and he often sits on them? I decided not to.

This Christmas he kept saying "Your problem is that you never spend any money on yourself." I argued "Yes, honey, I *do* spend money on myself, plenty of it." I reminded him that I had recently purchased jeans, hiking boots, a bottle of perfume and a purse. He scoffed "But those are essentials."

I could have gone further and told him exactly how much the purse and the bottle of Chanel cost but I decided, with a bit of guilt, that I had been honest enough for the day. And I didn't want to upset him. And frankly I didn't want to dislodge him from thinking "My wife is so frugal" to the other extreme of "Omigod! Our financial future is in jeopardy!"

I do indulge sometimes in Don't Ask, Don't Tell. I do feel guilty about it.

There are other expenditures whose specifics I don't bother to mention to DH. Like the plumber I hire on the sly once a year to go through the house and fix all the leaking stuff--DH would be huffing and puffing if he knew, not that he knows anything about plumbing himself. Or the tree pruner.

Having pruned trees and not-leaking bathroom fixtures or puddles on the basement floor is a priority for me. They are not for DH. Just like purses are not a priority for him. I think all marraiges have these financial compromises, and there are some things you just *have* to spend money on to stay sane.

DH also disapproves of my "wasting mouse traps." When I catch a mouse I throw it out with the trap. I can see him gritting and gnashing his teeth. I tell him "If my wasteful habits with mouse traps ever endangers our financial future I will get a second job." :nuts:

Needless to say he is not given too many specifics about what's on my charge card. But then he has never really asked. :okay:
 
#11
>>>Who ever said "shopping is not good therapy" was a liar!!

Some years ago I saw a segment on the news about a psychiatrist who specialized in counseling cancer patients who actually preached "shopping therapy" to them. He argued that "shopping helps you look positively toward the future." And he would lead them on euphoric shopping expeditions.

:rolleyes:
 
#12
I don't know how to get over it. I buy little items every couple of months to curb it, but I never get tired of buying. Maybe, once I get the ultimate bag I will be fine and feel content. I hope it stops and I'm sure it will, eventually... hopefully before it breaks my piggy bank :/
 
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