Does anyone know how to block AIM???

janette

janette

Member
Mar 13, 2007
463
0
#1
I need some help! I have recently 'acquired' a 15 yr. old step-daughter, and let me tell you...this kid is WILD! (Now I know why her real mom can't handle her:wtf:) Anyhoo, the major problem here is she is on AIM constantly, and it seems to be getting her in trouble, along with MySpace (and her addiction to boys).

Does anyone know how I can monitor her chats, or block them all together...I will remove the computer as a last resort. (Now I know why lions eat their young
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TIA
 
#3
you can use kidwatch time control.

You can also block the port AIM uses by going to the website for your internet router, but they can still use AIM express. You can only get around them using AIM express by using a program that cuts off internet time, because they can always use a proxy.
 
#5
I'm not sure blocking it all together would be a great idea...as an avid user of AIM, it's really a necessity these days. If it's blocked she'll find away around it, i.e.- AIM express or even her own cell phone. I think the best way to deal with this is transparency by having the computer she uses in a common area of the house.

If she has her own computer in her bedroom, take it out of her bedroom and keep it in a common family area...maybe put it in the kitchen or the den where family members tend to spend time. She will be less likely to partake in unsavory chats or activities if family members are constantly around and looking over her shoulder.
 
#6
You said you recently acquired a stepdaughter. She lives in your house, so of course you get a say in what goes on, but I don't think you should be the main disciplinarian just yet. You and your husband should discuss this, and once you have come to a decision on what to do, her father should be the one to tell her what's going on and then to carry it out. He could say something like "Your stepmother and I discussed it, and we feel this is the best way to handle it" but he needs to be the one to take action.

I know you want to just jump right in there and correct the situation, and if she was your daughter, I'd say go for it. But the reality is, she's not your daughter. I'm not excusing her behavior, but maybe she's acting out because she feels you're trying to replace her mother.

If you're the one to take action, then to her, it's confirmed that you're trying to replace her mother and she'll lose respect for you. We all know you're not trying to replace her mother, but she's a 15 year old who's getting used to Dad being married to someone new.

She probably has the attitude of "Why should I listen to you? You're not my mother!" You and your husband discussing what to do and then your husband carrying it out tells her that he's her father and you're the woman he married and she needs to respect the both of you.

I'm not saying you can never be the one to discipline her, but right now is not a good time. Maybe when she gets used to the idea of you two being married, but not just yet.

Is blocking really necessary? Maybe you and your husband could set up a time limit on how long she's allowed on AIM or Myspace.


Good luck.
 
#7
caitlin1214 said:
You said you recently acquired a stepdaughter. She lives in your house, so of course you get a say in what goes on, but I don't think you should be the main disciplinarian just yet. You and your husband should discuss this, and once you have come to a decision on what to do, her father should be the one to tell her what's going on and then to carry it out. He could say something like "Your stepmother and I discussed it, and we feel this is the best way to handle it" but he needs to be the one to take action.

Keep reading....

I know you want to just jump right in there and correct the situation, and if she was your daughter, I'd say go for it. But the reality is, she's not your daughter. I'm not excusing her behavior, but maybe she's acting out because she feels you're trying to replace her mother.

Thank God for that!!! Keep reading...

If you're the one to take action, then to her, it's confirmed that you're trying to replace her mother and she'll lose respect for you. We all know you're not trying to replace her mother, but she's a 15 year old who's getting used to Dad being married to someone new.

Ha! She sneaks out her window @ 3:00am to have three way sex with 20 yr. old boys! (This is when she was 12!) I don't think she knows the meaning of respect.

She probably has the attitude of "Why should I listen to you? You're not my mother!" You and your husband discussing what to do and then your husband carrying it out tells her that he's her father and you're the woman he married and she needs to respect the both of you.

I'm not saying you can never be the one to discipline her, but right now is not a good time. Maybe when she gets used to the idea of you two being married, but not just yet.

Do NOT agree!!! We just built our dream home in a great community, and I will NOT let that kid ruin our reputation like she did in the last place. She was known as the 'town pump' and it was extremely humiliating for me to hear the comments kids would shout out when we went anywhere. And I do not appreciate having MY car egged on Halloween because everyone hated HER. Yes, I sound bitter, but what would you do? She's a compulsive liar and does drugs. I have every right to control what goes on in my home...her dad works looooooong hours, so I'm stuck with her. She's out of control and I need to take extreme measures.

Good luck.
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HELP!!
 
#8
Janette,

I have been a stepmother for over a decade and this is a very difficult situation. Your husband needs to take control of this situation. By working a lot, he's laid the burden on YOU and it's not right.

If this child is so out of control, she may not be able to live with you anymore. Sounds like a stint in boot camp might be in order. I have a friend who sent her daughter to one as a last resort and it completely changed her.

The thing that concerns me is that as parents you are LIABLE for this child's activities and from the sounds of it, this kid has been out of control for a long time.

If adult men are grooming her online, that is also illegal....
 
#10
Well, you can always use the built in security of the PC. Set up admin accounts (you) first, then set up user accts (her) which limit what drives she has access to and whether or not she can download to the PC. That will handle her downloading AIM. As far as AIM Express, you can block the site address with your router or the security in your browser. But, as mentioned above, she can always use a proxy site and those are hard to block (unless you have enterprise security software) given their IP addresses change often and there are so many to begin with. There are blocking softwares that can auto block any sites that resemble proxy sites based on their URL and text on the page, but those are usually for businesses and a bit more expensive. Maybe they've come down a bit..I dunno.
You mentioned monitoring her usage...while I don't really agree with snooping in on kids, I think she's demonstrated that she can't be trusted and this has gotten to an issue of her safety, so...snoop all you want. According to the AIM site, the program is capable of keeping chat logs. The setting is under your...settings menu option, so perhaps check that that's enabled.
 
#11
I used to be like that. [I'm 15] My parents banned AIM and Myspace but I always found a way to get on. :P

But wow, I was never as out of control as your stepdaughter. :Push: Good luck and I wish you and your family the best!
 
#13
Charles said:
Well, you can always use the built in security of the PC. Set up admin accounts (you) first, then set up user accts (her) which limit what drives she has access to and whether or not she can download to the PC. That will handle her downloading AIM. As far as AIM Express, you can block the site address with your router or the security in your browser. But, as mentioned above, she can always use a proxy site and those are hard to block (unless you have enterprise security software) given their IP addresses change often and there are so many to begin with. There are blocking softwares that can auto block any sites that resemble proxy sites based on their URL and text on the page, but those are usually for businesses and a bit more expensive. Maybe they've come down a bit..I dunno.
You mentioned monitoring her usage...while I don't really agree with snooping in on kids, I think she's demonstrated that she can't be trusted and this has gotten to an issue of her safety, so...snoop all you want. According to the AIM site, the program is capable of keeping chat logs. The setting is under your...settings menu option, so perhaps check that that's enabled.
Click to expand...

Thanks for that advice. On the AIM site, where do I go for the chat logs? Forgive me, as I am a bit computer illiterate.
Thanks!
 
#14
caitlin1214 said:
janette, I'm sorry, I didn't know the extremity of the situation when I posted earlier.


I agree with Roo. Boot camp or Sage Walk might be the best option for her.

(http://www.sagewalk.com/)


What about family therapy?
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Yeah, it's bad. That Sagewalk is a bit more reasonable. We thought about a boot camp in Mexico, but it costs around $40,000 a year! And I am not so sure that would even work. I feel she is damaged goods, and nothing will change her. She has been like this too long. She swears to God and looks me in the eye that she is telling the truth, when all along I have her MySpace messages in my hand as proof she's lying, but she absolutley will not admit anything. Even when backed into a corner. It literally drives me mad!:cursing:

I am more concerned about me and my hubby's safety than anything at this point, because she is drawn to the criminal element. We had things stolen from us last time she lived with us, AND one of her 'friends' killed my pet bunny rabbit. And that was when I got rid of her. I do not like her posting our address and phone number online. Scares the death out of me. She just doesn't understand how dangerous this can be. I regret allowing her back into our lives.
 
#15
GUCCI_COOCHIE said:
If you want to monitor her chats on AIM, there's always AIM logs, but being a teenager, she might know about it, and probably would delete whatever she doesn't want you to read.
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How do you do that? I tried to download a program I found which was supposed to record AIM chat, but it was a scam and installed something on my computer which I had to get help removing...I guess I deseved that one:shame:
 
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