How do you survive the holidays?
- Thread starter Darina Angelova
- Start date
This is comforting to know I am not the only one.
My mom sent me a Harry and David gift box that she sent to all of her clients. No note, no return text, no call. No surprise.
Family is asking for expensive gifts because they know what I make. Greedy and disgusting. I am ready for the day to be over with. Peace to all experiencing something similar
My mom sent me a Harry and David gift box that she sent to all of her clients. No note, no return text, no call. No surprise.
Family is asking for expensive gifts because they know what I make. Greedy and disgusting. I am ready for the day to be over with. Peace to all experiencing something similar
One has to have a sense of humor and ignore the drama.
I had a small dinner with 2 relatives here at my house. Upon them coming in the house they turned on the TV in the family room and literally got angry that I said no TV today or they can watch in another room away from where I was. I got a lecture on how I was noise sensitive.... yes I agree I hate TV noise. But the mindless watching TV on a holiday when you are company. I had my adult kids out on nice music and we sat and talked while one relative went into another room to watch TV.
I was also told hubby and I were bad parents because we laughed at something our child did at the age of 3 years old and didn’t give him a time out? He is 22 now.
But dinner was fantastic and everyone loved the food and I think we all had a good time.
I had a small dinner with 2 relatives here at my house. Upon them coming in the house they turned on the TV in the family room and literally got angry that I said no TV today or they can watch in another room away from where I was. I got a lecture on how I was noise sensitive.... yes I agree I hate TV noise. But the mindless watching TV on a holiday when you are company. I had my adult kids out on nice music and we sat and talked while one relative went into another room to watch TV.
I was also told hubby and I were bad parents because we laughed at something our child did at the age of 3 years old and didn’t give him a time out? He is 22 now.
But dinner was fantastic and everyone loved the food and I think we all had a good time.
We live in a society where many people think they somehow deserve expensive gifts and think nothing of telling people this.
Sadly I see this with so many friends adult children and then their small kids. It is not about the holidays anymore but what one is buying or getting. Look at the crazy shopping and searching that people do starting wi5 Thanksgiving Day sales.
I keep it simple to begin with. I hate feeling pressure to run around and look perfect and have the story book holiday so I decided to do what makes me happy instead. I invite those that I truly want to be around and enjoy their company. I turn down all other invites. I keep gifts simple unless they are for those that I want to spend money on.
I didn't like all the pressure and decided years ago that I wasn't going to aim for perfection but instead I would do what makes me happy.
I didn't like all the pressure and decided years ago that I wasn't going to aim for perfection but instead I would do what makes me happy.
Simple solution DH and I go on vacation
I used to go away for Thanksgiving week and it was wonderful! I remember the first year I was in Mexico having a margarita and seafood on a rootop restaurant and realized it was Thanksgiving evening and thought.....people are driving home from visiting relatives and complaining...turkey too dry, this or that not right. I was enjoying myself! Ha! I don't do that kind of drama well any more and it becomes predictable.
I am not close with my family for years now that sadly it is a distant memory but have been "adopted" by others and even that has become something I don't want to deal with. I prefer to spend it alone doing things I enjoy or get involved with a charitable event.
When I have spent it with "adopted" family, I found small gifts so much more rewarding and almost fun to set a low dollar amount to get creative what you could find and have meaning. A company I used to do work with used to donate $5 in your name to a charity on a list they provided. That was my most favorite gift each year! There are so many people in need. I feel if we look that way, the money we spend on gifts that are returned/donated could serve the world well.
Last night I went to midnight mass at a very old church steeped in ethnic tradition. The music and mass were beautiful! After all, it is about the birth of Jesus. I don't buy gifts for anyone and prefer to just spend time with people I care about with no pressure on gifts....just each other's company and words of appreciation. This year I did bring two friends with me to mass to experience it but I almost prefer to go alone where I can relax and feel the magic it brings to my soul.
Today I relaxed after a late night and later cooked a nice meal while listening to Xmas music. No pressure....I enjoy the spiritual side of Christmas now. May sound selfish but I don't see the need to deal with all the drama. If people can't be nice, I don't want to deal with it.
I am not close with my family for years now that sadly it is a distant memory but have been "adopted" by others and even that has become something I don't want to deal with. I prefer to spend it alone doing things I enjoy or get involved with a charitable event.
When I have spent it with "adopted" family, I found small gifts so much more rewarding and almost fun to set a low dollar amount to get creative what you could find and have meaning. A company I used to do work with used to donate $5 in your name to a charity on a list they provided. That was my most favorite gift each year! There are so many people in need. I feel if we look that way, the money we spend on gifts that are returned/donated could serve the world well.
Last night I went to midnight mass at a very old church steeped in ethnic tradition. The music and mass were beautiful! After all, it is about the birth of Jesus. I don't buy gifts for anyone and prefer to just spend time with people I care about with no pressure on gifts....just each other's company and words of appreciation. This year I did bring two friends with me to mass to experience it but I almost prefer to go alone where I can relax and feel the magic it brings to my soul.
Today I relaxed after a late night and later cooked a nice meal while listening to Xmas music. No pressure....I enjoy the spiritual side of Christmas now. May sound selfish but I don't see the need to deal with all the drama. If people can't be nice, I don't want to deal with it.
The Holiday vacation sounds great! Next year I'll have an emergency evacuation plan in place. I always wanted to do that, but I ended up spending my extra budget for gifts. No more. I always enjoyed picking gifts, I gift things to my family and friends all year round. But lately I've noticed some people just take that for granted and chalk it off on "Oh, well, she can afford it" and "She knows I'm not good picking gifts..." This year I just couldn't bear the constant " You're always buying stuff for yourself, I have no idea what to get you" and I just told them I don't need anything and not to bother. You live and you learn. It's not about the value, it's just hurtful sometimes, when you realize how little some people know you and think of you. I heard somewhere that in the US there is a peak of divorces after the Christmas holidays
Funny about the peak in divorces after xmas.....I find a peak in divorces after the kids finally go off to college and you are left to be alone with each other. Very sad that couples stay together for the kids. I, personally, don't think it is healthy for the kids if they know you don't like each other and they are very perceptive. I am sure it is hard either way for everyone so no judgement. It does take courage to make a big change like that.
It is interesting to hear how everyone thinks things should be isn't it? Gifting brings so much pressure that I'd rather we not. My new team at work wanted a contribution toward my manager's gift. I've never gifted management and it makes me uncomfortable. I decided not to participate but no judgement toward those who did. I told my manager why since she is new for me and she was fine with it and understood. She had the same dilemma about her manager. She doesn't seem to sweat the small stuff and be petty so I think we are good with our relationship as it is and I respect her as a manager and a human being.
It is interesting to hear how everyone thinks things should be isn't it? Gifting brings so much pressure that I'd rather we not. My new team at work wanted a contribution toward my manager's gift. I've never gifted management and it makes me uncomfortable. I decided not to participate but no judgement toward those who did. I told my manager why since she is new for me and she was fine with it and understood. She had the same dilemma about her manager. She doesn't seem to sweat the small stuff and be petty so I think we are good with our relationship as it is and I respect her as a manager and a human being.
I wholeheartedly agree about gifting management... I feel the same way about gifting teachers... I work from home and don't have any children, so I've never done either but it would most definitely make me feel uncomfortable. I think gifts in the workplace "secret santas" and silly stuff like that are totally redundant in the workplace. The idea of donating to a charity in an earlier post is brilliant. In the spirit of Christmas you donate to people who need it more and you're not put on the spot.
Also, I was always baffled by those people who insist on watching TV on holiday dinners or family events. I hate it. I would feel offended as a hostess. The height of disrespect is when they "shush" people who are having a genuine conversation or get angry with children playing in front of the TV... Gillianna found the magic formula. Just give THEM a TIME OUT and send them to another room to watch TV!
My grandfather is like that, last time I lost my patience and left early with "OK, we've gotta go now, time to see what's on our TV."
Also, I was always baffled by those people who insist on watching TV on holiday dinners or family events. I hate it. I would feel offended as a hostess. The height of disrespect is when they "shush" people who are having a genuine conversation or get angry with children playing in front of the TV... Gillianna found the magic formula. Just give THEM a TIME OUT and send them to another room to watch TV!
My grandfather is like that, last time I lost my patience and left early with "OK, we've gotta go now, time to see what's on our TV."
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I could never visit someone and just want to sit and watch their TV. I came to visit YOU and have conversation! Different if we choose to watch a movie or an event but I also find it disrespectful.
Yes, gifting charities is so much more rewarding to me and no pressure or comments about the gift you gave someone. Someone once said you give gifts you want yourself. I can see that sometimes but I try to listen to what people say they like and surprise them. I love it when they can surprise me in the same way!
I worked holiday retail for several years and found some of it sad. People spending money because they feel they have to get so and so a gift because they gift them. Right before the actual day of the holiday the store is full of men and one year sadly one said he realized his wife had more gifts under the tree for him than he for her so he needed a few more. How sad is that! Maybe # of gifts isn't meaningful to the thought or expensive items can come in small packages. I don't like the tit-for-tat.
Why I enjoy spending it alone or volunteering! I've been to our Salvation Army and walking thru the thrift store a gentleman who works there told me I looked nice today! Well....that just made my day! That was truly a gift!
Yes, gifting charities is so much more rewarding to me and no pressure or comments about the gift you gave someone. Someone once said you give gifts you want yourself. I can see that sometimes but I try to listen to what people say they like and surprise them. I love it when they can surprise me in the same way!
I worked holiday retail for several years and found some of it sad. People spending money because they feel they have to get so and so a gift because they gift them. Right before the actual day of the holiday the store is full of men and one year sadly one said he realized his wife had more gifts under the tree for him than he for her so he needed a few more. How sad is that! Maybe # of gifts isn't meaningful to the thought or expensive items can come in small packages. I don't like the tit-for-tat.
Why I enjoy spending it alone or volunteering! I've been to our Salvation Army and walking thru the thrift store a gentleman who works there told me I looked nice today! Well....that just made my day! That was truly a gift!
I called the meanest narcisisst in my family "old" and asked her to start behaving like a grandparent is supposed to behave Did the trick. Got an ugly Email., got called names but: Had wonderfull holidays.
I see exactly what you mean. Not all people gift what they want to receive, a lot of people are like you. I remember I used to hate the pressure around the holiday season so all my Christmas shopping was done by September... I used to always listen for crumbs and tell tell signs all year round to find out what so and so really wanted but wouldn't get for themselves for Christmas. ( Because it was to "silly" or too "selfish" or too "extravagant".) Sometimes you really hit the target and you are truly happy as a gift giver.
I'm also amazed by those people that run around the malls on December 24th in the afternoon. Like chickens without a head... Just mindlessly shopping to "keep up" and avoid "loosing face" or "getting even" on the gift giving front... Regardless of the amount they spend, I kind of feel sorry for the recipient of the gift. You can always tell it's just for show, a last minute thing. I know the SAs have a lot of fun with them, they make a great topic of conversation during break
"Oh, you remember that looser that just slapped a credit card and said: "Please, whatever, just... I need something, I'm in trouble, my wife is gonna kill me!""
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That sounds like an interesting story
I would love to know the details. It's amazing how efficient it can be when you call a spade a spade. All of a sudden, a rock is lifted off your chest and come what may... you just feel better for saying what was on your mind for a long time and moving on. No mater the end result, it's liberating, I've done it a few times.