Guilt?

B

barbie_86

Member
Jul 15, 2015
202
318
#1
Hi, so, I'm not a real regular on TPF. I mostly lurk and post occasionally.
However, I love the 'finer things in life': holidays multiple times a year; nice jewellery; nice clothes; and (my biggest vice!) high end designer shoes.
I'm not on a huge salary and budget carefully; but I do feel guilty. Like, what I spend on shoes each year would probably feed a family for a year.. And sometimes when I go out I think about the value of what I am wearing and it is kind of obscene
Does anyone else feel this guilt? If you do, do you try to rationalise it? Just interested because this is something I do struggle with
 
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#3
There is noth8ng wrong with spending money on yourself as long as you can afford to. I do think it is easy to get caught up into thinking one needs all these designer materialistic things and it is easy to keep buying. The search for the latest it bag or shoes that one gets upset if they cant find. The desperation to have it as if ones life will not be complete until they own it.

Through the years I myself have been caught up into thinking I needed things only to realize I didn’t. It is easy to buy when you see all this stuff. Have been on a journey to simplify and unclutter my life and for the past few years have sold so many things and I feel a great calm in my life. I am no longer tied down with materialistic possessions.
If one really thinks about it does one need 20 plus handbags or pairs of shoes? Does every outfit need their own special accessories? When I see friends shop for any occasion it has to be head to toe even if they wear the shoes 2-3 times only.

I think if one can look in their closet and see if the items they own actually are being used and not taking up space then you realize if you need to buy more of that item. I see my friends young daughters very concerned about what others will think and judge them on what they are wearing which plays a huge part in what they buy. Fantastic r me owning too much stuff has caused more anxiety in trying to decide what to wear than owning less. How many times do people say they have nothing to wear and they need new when they have closets full of things?
 
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#4
I agree with gillianna and pointed out great things to think about.


Barbie86 I'm not quite sure how your lifestyle is, but if you have bought things you deserve them because you bought them for you and for you to use.

And as far as feeling guilty I'm not sure but there maybe other factors that is making you feel guilty, only you can know.

To share, what I do is I save up for something that I need and know will be using, so I'm able avoid this guilt feeling.

Whereas if I don't do this then im thinking I will feel guilty knowing that I got something to meet my desire than my need. In addition, I can see from young family members/acquaintances that it can be a bit challenge because they are at the stage of "I want to have like her/him." This causes them to have guilt and anxiety after their purchase. I always advice them to not pay attention so much with materials, but of course they have to learn their own lesson until they truly get my message.

But I do hope you can find peace and enjoy your 2019 purchase (s) :smile:


barbie_86 said:
Hi, so, I'm not a real regular on TPF. I mostly lurk and post occasionally.
However, I love the 'finer things in life': holidays multiple times a year; nice jewellery; nice clothes; and (my biggest vice!) high end designer shoes.
I'm not on a huge salary and budget carefully; but I do feel guilty. Like, what I spend on shoes each year would probably feed a family for a year.. And sometimes when I go out I think about the value of what I am wearing and it is kind of obscene
Does anyone else feel this guilt? If you do, do you try to rationalise it? Just interested because this is something I do struggle with
Click to expand...
 
#5
I think the only issue some people overlook is when they say they can afford something, they're also not saving for the present and the future properly. I dated a woman who always was buying shoes and clothes. Nothing too crazy, but enough to where she couldn't afford a several hundred dollar bill that came up. She claimed that she could afford her purchases cause all she was basing that on was what was in her checking account. She had close to nothing in savings and didn't have any retirement investments set up. So as long as you have enough savings to get you by if you lost your job and your retirement is building nicely...then yeah, you can afford the things you buy.
As for the guilt, I know it sucks, but everyone is different and it's impossible for there to be no one suffering or on the lower end of the scale. That's just how society works, and if you tried to help everyone, then you'd be broke. While I'm not rich, I'm better off than a lot of people, so I try to be thankful for that, be a nice person, and give to certain charities that I believe in. :smile:
 
#6
barbie_86 said:
Hi, so, I'm not a real regular on TPF. I mostly lurk and post occasionally.
However, I love the 'finer things in life': holidays multiple times a year; nice jewellery; nice clothes; and (my biggest vice!) high end designer shoes.
I'm not on a huge salary and budget carefully; but I do feel guilty. Like, what I spend on shoes each year would probably feed a family for a year.. And sometimes when I go out I think about the value of what I am wearing and it is kind of obscene
Does anyone else feel this guilt? If you do, do you try to rationalise it? Just interested because this is something I do struggle with
Click to expand...
Yes, I feel the guilt. The struggle is real for me as well. I just remind myself that I’d rather have quality items over quantity and that I make sure that I’m really using what I have. It’s hard not to recognize the disparity in life and not have it affect you. I think it’s actually a good sign you probably are a caring and sensitive person.
 
#10
It’s your money which you’ve earned and you’re entitled to decide how to spend it!

I can confidently say that I work bloody hard - so if I want to treat myself every now and then with a beautiful handbag or designer item which I appreciate, why not? Different people like different things (men would spend crazy $ on watches and cars..)

What is important is to appreciate the value of money and always consider every purchase very carefully - just because you can afford it, doesn’t mean you should just go for it. It’s all in the balance...
 
#12
The world is strange. Some buy handbags for a fortune, others die of hunger. You won't change that. If you can afford such shopping and you do it wisely, it's very good. It's good that you do something for yourself. Maybe you feel guilty because you can't do something just for yourself. You feel guilty when, in your opinion, you focus too much on yourself. It doesn't matter whether it's about shopping, a trip or rest.
 
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