Is your boyfriend/husband "overworked"?

Adore

Adore

"BLONDIE"
Sep 17, 2006
1,695
1
#1
I feel really bad because I want to go out and do things with my boyfriend but he is always so so tired...
He works Monday-Saturday at all different times. Like waking up between 3:30-6:00, mostly always in the middle of that time, and sometimes the earliest and then the latest. He works until between 6-8, usually getting home around 7pm, so it varies.
I won't get into specifics online but his work is competely physical.

I do stuff with my own friends but I'm talking about wanting to do things with HIM.

The most we do together is go out for dinner and get drinks. While that has been fun for some years now (been together nearly 8) it's just getting so boring...

He is ready for bed by like 10 but doesn't get here until between 7 and 8, we usually stay out late on Saturdays of course as neither of us have work in the morning, but still getting home at about almost 11 and he still gets here between 7 and 8 practically straight from work.
Sundays could be good but I still see him late (well, 3-ish until 6) those days because he has to help his parents with some home remodeling on Sundays that is presumed to be finished within 6 more months.

So it only gives us Fridays and Saturdays to really work with.


I feel bad when I practically beg for him to please let's go out and do something, like go for drinks -separate- from dinner, but he's so tired. When we do it's sometimes okay but most times it's quiet. He does really try to and mostly does but he is tired and isn't lively at all.

And like I said, Sundays could be good but everything closes by 6, I'd love to go to like the zoo or the aquarium or a themepark with him... but he can't come over early enough for us to make the commute and actually spend time doing something FUN-- it's a hard situation to explain but he genuinely can't those days because he's helping his parents so I'm not concerned with that. Just disappointed, but I know we'll work something out, it just won't be every weekend which is the problem!


I feel bad, not sure what to do.


Anyone else in the same situation, can anyone relate? Any advice? I don't know if there's much I can do though... I mean work is a killer-- I miss the high school days haha! Those are so long gone.

Thanks!
 
#2
I can absolutely relate. My fiancee owns his own business, so he works EVERY day from 8 am until about 9pm. By the time he gets home it's 10pm. It's annoying, but we just bought a house and we need the money. But like once a month he will take a Sunday off and we will spend it together.
 
#3
I can relate. But I'm the one who's tired all the time. I'm in law school, and during the school year I do schoolwork 16-20 hours a day. I can only say that I wish I could be more fun. I feel guilty for being tired all the time, even if I know I am working towards our future. I wish I had more time and energy.

It's summer vacation now so it's all good. But still....
 
#4
yes but we are both in the same boat - gotta remind ourselves to have some fun once in a while. so how about you? what time do you finish?

I don't know, I guess I don't care about going out anymore because this stuff doesn't bother me - we are working for our life/ family /future and personally I really like going for dinner.

but if you feel that you don't know what to do it must be a major issue for you - don't know what to suggest except how about arranging just one big night out - gives him one night to chill out at home (say friday) so that saturday you can have a wild one! or take it like he is trying to get a life started which is also a good thing right?
 
#5
I understand how you feel. My situation isn't nearly as bad, but it still takes committment from both of us. My bf is writing his thesis while working a part time job and also writes occasionally for an industry magazine. It sometimes means that we only see each other for a few hours a day, but it's not too bad cause we'll take time out to relax with each other. Usually after dinner we'll cuddle and talk for 15 - 20 mins before we go back to doing work. We also make it a point to tuck each other into bed, so that's another 5 - 10 mins of quality time together. I know that we're both working towards our future, so I don't mind that it's a little tough now.

Good luck!
 
#6
Seriously I know exactely how you feel we've been in that situation for about a year. I know there is light at the end of the tunnel so you just have to keep going and make the most of the time you do have together.

We also only have sunday's together but everything closes at 5pm so sometimes if you get up a little late you can't really go anywhere far and it feels like a bit of a wasted day to just go around the shops you can do that anytime.
 
#7
I can understand totally. SO is usually working/studying from 8am - 8pm and only breaks for lunch. Extremely annoying!! I mean, he wakes up, showers, has breakfast and then starts with his research work breaks at 12 has a quick lunch and goes right back to it. It's now 7:35 EST and he's still working! I do admire his work ethic and his need to complete his degree soon but us not having any time together to DO anything while he just sits in front of the computer and programs all day is annoying!!

Tomorrow one of my research group is having a barbecue and we were invited. Does he want to go? NO. He has to work. During the weekend he goes to his parents' house because he helps his dad with chopping wood, some construction stuff etc and he likes that. But then he says it takes away from his precious study time and he spends the rest of the week glued to his computer and his books! And when he goes to his parents, he and his dad go and do the 'man things' and his mom and I kind of sit around and talk so I guess I end up talking more to his mom than I do to him!!

Adore...this thread was a godsend. I feel so much better now!!
 
#8
I don't have a bf but I work all the time so I don't know how I'd have time for one. I've often thought about how hard it would be for me to have time to see the poor guy if I find a bf. guess I'd have to date an overworked guy.
 
#9
Wow, I didn't realize so many other couples are in the same type of situation! My DH and I hardly see eachother, it's gotten a little better since he switched jobs, but we still have different days off. Before he switched, he worked for an armor car company and worked like 14 hour days 4 days a week, and was always up really early and I left for work before he got home, and he was in bed when I got home. On top of that we are both students, so our free time is spent in class... I am thankful for the upcoming weekend we have together. When you get so little time together you have to cherish what you get!
 
#10
Yes. He was recently promoted, so although now he works M-F all days... he gets up at 4am & gets off work anywhere btwn 2-4pm.

Then he goes to the gym. Then he works on projects until he falls asleep usually before 10pm.

Which means I'm lucky if I get to talk to him (we're in an LDR) on his ride to/from home after work or on his way to/from the gym.

Which will be worse about 4 weeks when I start a classroom teacher position. Neither of us will have time.... weekends, you say? Hah!

We'll work it out somehow, but it's gonna suck.
 
#11
la miss said:
I'm in law school, and during the school year I do schoolwork 16-20 hours a day.
Click to expand...

Wow. My brother is in law school, and he never has time for ANYTHING. I thought he was exaggerating when he said he always has a ton of work to do, and that he spends most of his time studying, but I guess that's not such an exaggeration at all.
 
#12
I hear ya. My hubby gets up for work at 4:30am and works from 5:30am til 6pm Monday through Friday. When he gets home, he's exhausted, stressed out, and not in the mood to do anything except cuddle with the kids a bit and then veg out in front of the TV. And who can blame him?? He has brutal hours and an even more brutal job. Weekends are even harder since we've got 2 kids (4 and 2) and they are super high energy. I want him to make a career change, and he's finally starting to come around. I can't see any other solution.

I have no advice to give, but I just wanted you to know that I can totally relate!
 
#13
I wish.. My bf is unemployed and too lazy to work. I support him... Luckily I make pretty good money so I don't mind at all...

I work from home and I don't have to work that much (just a few hrs a day at most) so this way we get to spend all day together... both sleep in, go to the beach, etc
 
#14
Yes, I think that Bart is overworked. He has just opened his own business and is trying as hard as he can to get it running as best as he can so he can hire another person to work with him. He's gone a lot on business and is out of the country a lot. He gets up every morning at around 5 and starts writing letters, chatting with clients in other parts of the world, etc. This usually goes on all day until around 10pm, when his clients in the US close. Granted, he does have some free space in between those hours - but it's not much.

He rarely has a free day to relax, and I think he needs it. We try and take some time out for us every once in a while, and make it a point to sit down together at dinner with my mom and just talk.

He just needs to keep doing this for a little bit, once he can hire another person then everything will be much easier!
 
#15
My bf is kind of that way too. He works M-F and when he comes home he likes to nap. Sometimes so long that the window to go out and have a nice dinner has closed. I understand though, he makes good money and takes care of me so I can live with it :smile:

I try to give him his time to sleep, his time with the boys, and I appreciate that he makes as much time as he can for me.
 
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