What do you do when your SO hates the bag you love?

[valeriewanxgy]

TLDR: I love the Lily, my SO hates it. Thinks the chain straps make it look cheap, and that a 1000EUR bag should look like a 1000EUR bag, and not like a 10EUR bag I'm crushed, and now I can't look at a Lily without thinking of those comments.

Any of you have the same problem? How do you deal with it?

***

I was away 2 weeks on business and the Mulberry sale started right before I returned home. I was super excited, and asked my SO if she would come with me to the store to check out the bags IRL. Now, she *hates* shopping and isn't really interested in bags. That's fine - not everyone likes shopping, so we'd planned for a 20 min stop in the store. We were in and out in 5.

We walked in, I ooh-ed over the Buttercream Lily, she says it's horrible and looks cheap. "Why would anyone pay 1000 EUR for this bag?!" I move on and look at the Maple, she says it's ridiculous and doesn't even have a zip at the top. I touch the DZ Bays, she says the rain will get into the bag. I show her the Heritage keyfob, she says her friend could make me one, and why does a keyfob cost 100 EUR? ... (It went on like this about every single bag in the store). I was so embarrassed because the SA spoke English, and my SO wasn't exactly whispering. The only bag she likes is the Bayswater, and I already have one, so why do I need another?

We ended up walking out with me buying nothing and feeling really bad. I'd had my eye on the (Medium) Lily for quite a while now, and I was looking forward to owning one some day. Now I don't think I can look at a Lily without thinking about how she totally slammed it.

I guess I need some support here. Do any of you also have the same kind of problem? If so, how do you manage it?

 

[NY2005]

I love the lily! I like the chain, the shape and it's versatile BUT it's not for everyone and I understand that. Is it very important to you that your OH likes what you buy or if you were in the shop,on your own,would you be happier to go by your own instinct? I have lots of bags, some are loved by the people I love, others .....not so much! But if I like it, I will buy it and carry it As for the cost, well everyone has their hobby in life that they like to spend their hard earned cash on, mine just happens to be bags, like most of the other TPFers on here! Go and have another look, on your own

 

[snailpolish]

I get where you are coming from. It's disheartening for your OH to dislike something so vocally (my H is the same, and actually also hates anything on a chain!). For me, whilst my money pays for my bags, I still want my OH to like what I wear, or at the very least not think I look cheap and nasty!

Negative associations can ruin one's enjoyment. I have never looked at the Tessie Satchel again since my mum said it looked like a milkman's cash bag...

​

 

[MayTheOdds]

I'm really lucky i've never had anyone say something like that to me!

I have friends and family who don't understand why i would spend spend £700+ on luxury bags. But that being said, they just aren't interested in luxury goods. They've seen my bags, have said they're nice but it's just not for them. Plus it's your money, some people like to go on holidays etc and if you're happy to spend your money on a bag, go for it!

I've never had someone say that they look horrible and cheap though. My dad said something like "But can't you get something similar for the fraction of the price?". I mean i'm sure if i looked around there'll be a 'dupe' somewhere. But we pay for the craftsmanship & quality of the leather. If i buy a handbag from the high street it'll last me a year, if i'm lucky, whereas my Mulberry or G Antigona bags are holding up.

I agree with NY2005, go back to M on your own, have a second look. Have a think about what it is you like about the bag and what initially drew you to it. I have a lily in Buttercream and it's truly wonderful. I personally like the chain on the bag, and it's one of the things that drew me to it.

But ultimately you have to be happy with it. I can understand if the opinion has put you off a little though. x

 

[Evia]

Wow, perhaps she doesn't realise how much it upset you? Obviously it's great when people like your choices, but if they don't well, then for me that's their problem - and it wouldn't stop me getting something I really loved. I might also go bag shopping on my own next time

 

[Murphy47]

My husband has never liked ANY bag I do.
He likes Brahmin and thinks they are classy looking (which they are) or a nice LV Empriente.
My mother carries that style of bag and I don't want to carry the same thing.
He doesn't bash them, but I sense his dislike sometimes.
After 18 years I just ignore him and buy what I like.

 

[elvisfan4life]

My OH only comments when he truly hates a bag and i trust his advice and stay clear ...his usual expression is " its not really your colour ....its a bit urgent" lol.. This to neon cosmic and any other bright blue and he is right they aren't me at all and i dont like them!!! He stops me from any silly impulse buying

 

[valeriewanxgy]

Wow, perhaps she doesn't realise how much it upset you? Obviously it's great when people like your choices, but if they don't well, then for me that's their problem - and it wouldn't stop me getting something I really loved. I might also go bag shopping on my own next time

She feels that she always has the right to express her opinion - whether other people may be hurt or not is besides the point. Bag shopping on my own is probably a very good idea!

 

[valeriewanxgy]

I love the lily! I like the chain, the shape and it's versatile BUT it's not for everyone and I understand that. Is it very important to you that your OH likes what you buy or if you were in the shop,on your own,would you be happier to go by your own instinct? I have lots of bags, some are loved by the people I love, others .....not so much! But if I like it, I will buy it and carry it As for the cost, well everyone has their hobby in life that they like to spend their hard earned cash on, mine just happens to be bags, like most of the other TPFers on here! Go and have another look, on your own

I'm really lucky i've never had anyone say something like that to me!

I have friends and family who don't understand why i would spend spend £700+ on luxury bags. But that being said, they just aren't interested in luxury goods. They've seen my bags, have said they're nice but it's just not for them. Plus it's your money, some people like to go on holidays etc and if you're happy to spend your money on a bag, go for it!

I've never had someone say that they look horrible and cheap though. My dad said something like "But can't you get something similar for the fraction of the price?". I mean i'm sure if i looked around there'll be a 'dupe' somewhere. But we pay for the craftsmanship & quality of the leather. If i buy a handbag from the high street it'll last me a year, if i'm lucky, whereas my Mulberry or G Antigona bags are holding up.

I agree with NY2005, go back to M on your own, have a second look. Have a think about what it is you like about the bag and what initially drew you to it. I have a lily in Buttercream and it's truly wonderful. I personally like the chain on the bag, and it's one of the things that drew me to it.

But ultimately you have to be happy with it. I can understand if the opinion has put you off a little though. x

Thank you I think I will definitely go back and look at the Lily again. I have a bag in a similar style ~ same kind of size, also with a chain strap. The difference is that the bag I already own is not leather, and is actually not expensive. (She doesn't like this bag either, but it's only 30EUR, so she's not complaining about it)

I get where you are coming from. It's disheartening for your OH to dislike something so vocally (my H is the same, and actually also hates anything on a chain!). For me, whilst my money pays for my bags, I still want my OH to like what I wear, or at the very least not think I look cheap and nasty!

Negative associations can ruin one's enjoyment. I have never looked at the Tessie Satchel again since my mum said it looked like a milkman's cash bag..

Oh dear ... and yes, of course I love the bags I love, and I know it's my money that pays for the bags. Like you said, though, it would be nice if she wasn't thinking that I'd totally over-spent on a bag every time I carry it. We're just inherently different in the way we express our opinion - I hardly ever openly say I dislike or hate something, especially when I know someone is asking for my opinion when they already love something. If I don't like it, I just say it's not my style!

 

[valeriewanxgy]

My husband has never liked ANY bag I do.
He likes Brahmin and thinks they are classy looking (which they are) or a nice LV Empriente.
My mother carries that style of bag and I don't want to carry the same thing.
He doesn't bash them, but I sense his dislike sometimes.
After 18 years I just ignore him and buy what I like.

Haha! Maybe I will have the same confidence after 18 years too

 

[BomberGal]

I'd get it and wear it anyway and remind them being an *** isn't attractive and to not worry, I wouldn't shop with them in the future as their conduct is quite embarrassing.

Its one thing to share an opinion, its another to be snotty and rude, not just to your SO but to other shoppers, just because you're not thrilled to be there.

Besides, if she doesn't like it SHE doesn't have to wear it. So its not her problem.

 

[valeriewanxgy]

I'd get it and wear it anyway and remind them being an *** isn't attractive and to not worry, I wouldn't shop with them in the future as their conduct is quite embarrassing.

Its one thing to share an opinion, its another to be snotty and rude, not just to your SO but to other shoppers, just because you're not thrilled to be there.

Besides, if she doesn't like it SHE doesn't have to wear it. So its not her problem.

You know, I thought I'd gotten used to it after 6 years together, but somehow her comments about all the bags really hurt. We have vastly differing tastes in clothes, and I got used to my clothing choices getting labelled as weird by her.

 

[BomberGal]

Weird is subjective. She doesn't have to wear it. Wear what you like. Dress for yourself.

Plenty of people think I dress weird. Others think I have good aesthetic and style sense. But at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is what I thought of what I wore and how I felt wearing it.

 

[papertiger]

Such a difficult one

My partner hates shopping too and if he's in a bad mood and happens to be with me and says silly things, I've leaned to ignore the comments (he's usually just looking at the price tags). He can even be a pain looking for things for him. However, if he's not in a bad mood and says he doesn't like something then I think again, after all ultimately he wants me to look good and be happy.

 

[remainsilly]

Man in my life may not like every bag I do.
Even the ones I own.
Even the ones he bought as gifts.
In fact, I'm pretty sure my bays double zip confuses him completely.
But, he kinda nods & smiles.
Especially since I nod & smile about xbox games.

He does dislike the new coca bags.
But, so do I. So no issue.

Everyone likes to be heard. Especially those we love best.
It is possible to respect, but still keep one's own opinions/self strong.
I use, "the look." When voiced opinions wander into being pushy or rude.
Or just say, "You seem to be having a pushy/rude moment. Should I buy you some cake? Or are you just tired?"
Also saying, "You are gorgeous, when opinionated!" seems to ease tension, as I move towards counter to buy offending thing.

But, words can stick in the heart.
So, best to talk about this with so.
Love is about compassion, even when understanding becomes wobbly.
With bags, with most things.

Hope helps.