Plz, say something nice to cheer me up....

[Bagluvluv]

Hi guys.....sorry if this is ranting on and on...I need your encouragment and advise......

Ive been soooo distressed b/c of my DH and in-laws and family.....about this one topic that I feel so strongly about that they always have to be so negative about...

I have recently gone back to school...and it was a scary decision b/c I am 30 something, having to leave a good job and still having a teenager to raise...but my decision came b/c I saw many of my friends getting fired and having to go job searching or having jobs that is going nowhere. Im not really interested in being a small buisness owner....so, I decided to go back to school while being able to spend more quality time with my son..which I havent been able to do, ever with him. So, to me its a all around great decision. Especially b/c, I feel that its now or never.....and b/c my DH's business is doing good.....

The family keeps bringing up the fact that school is not important or needed. That b/c they all didnt graduate and have sucessful small business, they think that Im chasing a dream that is not good for my family...like a waste of time.......I feel very strongly that education is life changing....and Im not all about the money...it is my dream to graduate and even go on to get a PH D in English.....maybe write a novel.....and Im going for it no matter what.......Why do they have to be so negative and throw such hurtful comments........or make it a point and compare me to them....Im not them!!!!!

 

[anniebobannie]

awww, i'm sorry your family is so unsupportive!

To know your dream and go after it is truly admirable!!!

And I hate it when people compare me to other people and something that I'm not! My parents do this to me all the time!

They are probably just scared for you and your future but i think after while, they'll come around!!!

Stay happy and pursue your dream!!! That's the way to show 'em!!!

 

[madamefifi]

You are very brave to do what you're doing, many people never have the courage to take such a big step. As long as you have your DH's and your son's support, keep holding your head up and get your degree and don't let those nay-sayers stop you form feeling GREAT about yourself!!

 

[socalgrl86]

Keep your eye on the prize!! Please dont let ANYONE put you down.

My parents dont feel education is important either but I told them that it's my life, not their's. You only live once and youre not always going to please everybody. If it's not hurting your son and your DH then why not? In Laws are VERY good at always butting their noses into their children's business, it's like their job. So just shrug it off and keep working towards your degree...you go girl!

 

[Wild Orchid]

Oh believe me, I can totally relate! On one hand, my family is very, very supportive about education. They get that in order to really get places now-a-days you must get degrees to advance in your career. My husband's family, on the other hand doesn't get it. Specifically his grandmother, who did a lot of raising him. She thinks you can walk into anywhere and just get a job. Like snapping your fingers that it just automatically happens. She doesn't understand why my husband even is getting a college degree and scoffs at anything beyond a 4-year degree. I get so and just wanna go because what seems so obviously important is just not understood by her. And she isn't your typical sweet cookies and milk grandma either. But that's a whole different topic!

I myself have had to listen to her bash me because of going for extra schooling and doesn't understand grants either and thinks it's a cop out. It's like, hello!!! they are giving me free money!!! What is wrong with that? Anyhow, my parents have helped my hubby out with previous school expenses because they felt so bad that his family just doesn't get it. I know it sucks you have to deal with this misunderstanding but just stay strong and do what you need to do. This sounds like a great time to go get what you want. :boxing: And if you need to vent you can totally pm me cuz I feel your pain!

 

[Bagluvluv]

Thank you guys so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! You guys are really moving me!!!!

You know, sometimes its to a point where I cry in my car, when I really start to think about their hurtful comments......I even think that I should just shrug it off but.....its hard when they keep throwing it in my face constantly....

Thanks guys.......

 

[Bagluvluv]

Oh believe me, I can totally relate! On one hand, my family is very, very supportive about education. They get that in order to really get places now-a-days you must get degrees to advance in your career. My husband's family, on the other hand doesn't get it. Specifically his grandmother, who did a lot of raising him. She thinks you can walk into anywhere and just get a job. Like snapping your fingers that it just automatically happens. She doesn't understand why my husband even is getting a college degree and scoffs at anything beyond a 4-year degree. I get so and just wanna go because what seems so obviously important is just not understood by her. And she isn't your typical sweet cookies and milk grandma either. But that's a whole different topic!

I myself have had to listen to her bash me because of going for extra schooling and doesn't understand grants either and thinks it's a cop out. It's like, hello!!! they are giving me free money!!! What is wrong with that? Anyhow, my parents have helped my hubby out with previous school expenses because they felt so bad that his family just doesn't get it. I know it sucks you have to deal with this misunderstanding but just stay strong and do what you need to do. This sounds like a great time to go get what you want. :boxing: And if you need to vent you can totally pm me cuz I feel your pain!

Thank you soooo much....you dont know how much your kind words means to me......

 

[Bagluvluv]

You are very brave to do what you're doing, many people never have the courage to take such a big step. As long as you have your DH's and your son's support, keep holding your head up and get your degree and don't let those nay-sayers stop you form feeling GREAT about yourself!!

Thanks a million!!!! The one thing that I promised myself before taking this road, is that I would not let anything get in my way b/c It's like I cant go back and my family is counting on me......it was a truely hard decision though...but the right one.....

If I get the education and raise my beautiful boy, thats all I could ever ask for......

 

[Bagluvluv]

Keep your eye on the prize!! Please dont let ANYONE put you down.

My parents dont feel education is important either but I told them that it's my life, not their's. You only live once and youre not always going to please everybody. If it's not hurting your son and your DH then why not? In Laws are VERY good at always butting their noses into their children's business, it's like their job. So just shrug it off and keep working towards your degree...you go girl!

Exactly!!! It is one life and I am gonna go for it!!!!!!!!
Thank yo sooooo much!!!!!

 

[ShimmaPuff]

I doubt it will cheer you up much, but it might help with perspective to realize that you have plenty of company.

What you describe is a common lament of teachers of high school students, who are obliged to fight against all kinds of cultural baggage that contains the same unfortunate t-shirt.

And, for many reasons that have to do with the larger economy, their opponentsmay frequently have numbers on their side.

With so many people who have completed various flavors of formal academic post-secondary education looking for jobs, and even more looking for jobs that pay them as much as they would make in some fields without even one university degree, it is hard to convince the father of a bright 16 year old that the family should sacrifice so that she can go and study ancient history for its own sake as opposed to joining her father and brothers as bricklayers, which would provide an immediate and much-needed increase in family income.

Following one's dream, one's natural inclination, when that dream and that inclination involves "book-learning," is becoming increasingly difficult in a large chunk of population sectors, as if it were not difficult enough already.

And even the more affluent are not immune. Law firms and even medical practices contain plenty of people who really wanted to study ancient history, but family/cultural pressure won out, and sent them off to continue a tradition - "You'll be the family's fifth generation of respected orthopedic surgeons. It's a proud day!" or provide some sort of vicarious gratification for parents - "Something like law school was not even dreamed of by my father, but I've worked hard all my life so my son can be a lawyer." And so the son sadly exchanges his beloved books about cunieform script for thick tomes on torts... And the same sad refrain drones on silently in boardrooms and administrative offices of family businesses that have become mega-corporations.

Not cheering you up much, am I?

Here is the cheery part. Although it is hard to go against family, to go against culture, in the long run it is much, much harder to go against one's own heart, to become one of those millions living "lives of quiet desperation."

And in the long run, you will, as a content and fulfilled person, be able to give much more to your family, in all kinds of ways, not the least of which is that by being strong enough to heed your heart, and follow and achieve your dream, you will make your family stronger, and pave the way and give hope to those who come after you who also have a dream, and distinct orders from their hearts to march to a different drummer.

So for now, your energy and focus should be on school, on doing the best you can, and, with props to Samuel Clemens, getting it over with so that you can continue your education - in YOUR chosen field!

Each family is different, but for the time being, your best strategy might be to listen, to nod thoughtfully, acknowledge that what they say is right when it is - and as gracefully and unobtrusively and as quickly as possible, go study, and be sure to get plenty of sleep so that you will be alert and able to take good notes in class!

Congratulations and all props to you for having the courage and determination to do what is right for you, because that will not only be the best choice for you, but will end up being the best gift you can give to your family, whose love and guidance helped you become a person with the courage and determination to listen to your heart and chase down that dream until you get it!

 

[PinkPudding]

^well said
and u are so brave for taking the decision!and for me, u take the best one

 

[Roo]

Completing an education is not about money. It never has been. Getting an education is about setting a goal, and working until that goal is finished. It is your life to live and not for ANYONE else to decide.

Shame on those people for trying to make you feel small for doing this.

 

[bagnshoofetish]

what you are doing is admirable and commendable! stick to your guns and just tune them out! if they start to berate you about your decision, just tell them "lets agree to disagree" and change the subject. They are being very rude! If they can't understand what you are doing, it is really their problem. They need to move on, live their lives and let you live yours.
More power to you! Keep us posted!

 

[Bagluvluv]

I doubt it will cheer you up much, but it might help with perspective to realize that you have plenty of company.

What you describe is a common lament of teachers of high school students, who are obliged to fight against all kinds of cultural baggage that contains the same unfortunate t-shirt.

And, for many reasons that have to do with the larger economy, their opponentsmay frequently have numbers on their side.

With so many people who have completed various flavors of formal academic post-secondary education looking for jobs, and even more looking for jobs that pay them as much as they would make in some fields without even one university degree, it is hard to convince the father of a bright 16 year old that the family should sacrifice so that she can go and study ancient history for its own sake as opposed to joining her father and brothers as bricklayers, which would provide an immediate and much-needed increase in family income.

Following one's dream, one's natural inclination, when that dream and that inclination involves "book-learning," is becoming increasingly difficult in a large chunk of population sectors, as if it were not difficult enough already.

And even the more affluent are not immune. Law firms and even medical practices contain plenty of people who really wanted to study ancient history, but family/cultural pressure won out, and sent them off to continue a tradition - "You'll be the family's fifth generation of respected orthopedic surgeons. It's a proud day!" or provide some sort of vicarious gratification for parents - "Something like law school was not even dreamed of by my father, but I've worked hard all my life so my son can be a lawyer." And so the son sadly exchanges his beloved books about cunieform script for thick tomes on torts... And the same sad refrain drones on silently in boardrooms and administrative offices of family businesses that have become mega-corporations.

Not cheering you up much, am I?

Here is the cheery part. Although it is hard to go against family, to go against culture, in the long run it is much, much harder to go against one's own heart, to become one of those millions living "lives of quiet desperation."

And in the long run, you will, as a content and fulfilled person, be able to give much more to your family, in all kinds of ways, not the least of which is that by being strong enough to heed your heart, and follow and achieve your dream, you will make your family stronger, and pave the way and give hope to those who come after you who also have a dream, and distinct orders from their hearts to march to a different drummer.

So for now, your energy and focus should be on school, on doing the best you can, and, with props to Samuel Clemens, getting it over with so that you can continue your education - in YOUR chosen field!

Each family is different, but for the time being, your best strategy might be to listen, to nod thoughtfully, acknowledge that what they say is right when it is - and as gracefully and unobtrusively and as quickly as possible, go study, and be sure to get plenty of sleep so that you will be alert and able to take good notes in class!

Congratulations and all props to you for having the courage and determination to do what is right for you, because that will not only be the best choice for you, but will end up being the best gift you can give to your family, whose love and guidance helped you become a person with the courage and determination to listen to your heart and chase down that dream until you get it!

You are sooo insightful.....thanks you.....
And like you said, I do feel that Im going against the grain....I even feel alone at times....and then to have to fight or stand up to the family is just too much sometimes....
You brought tears to my eyes.....what would tpf do without you!!!!!!!

 

[Bagluvluv]

Roo - Exactly, thank you for that. It is about my goal and not about the money...but my family really cares about the money as being a focus....its hard for them and me to relate on this topic b/c of it....and yes...I do feel small when they talk this way...they even make me feel like Im less than they b/c of that "money" factor...

Bagshoo - Thank you!!!!!! I will do that.....thanks truely....