29, not thinking about getting married yet

seahorseinstripes

seahorseinstripes

bag greed bug
O.G.
Jun 4, 2006
16,089
189
#1
and a child is a long way to go. thinkign about starting a new relationship but totally forgot how to LOL
and i nuts or what?

people always suprised when they know my age, i look like a fresh graduate, i dress like teenagers, no signs of "stability" coming from my look except my handbags LOL
i work in a fun world where people always felt young.

but i'm starting to freaking out now.
i totally don't know how to date anymore, i can't imagine getting married yet or having a child, i'm too much enjoying my own life i think it would be selfish to have a child when i'm not ready.
i love children, i honestly do.

i don't even know the point of me saying this, i'm just sharing my thoughts and wondering if any of you feel or have felt this way?
i don't think i would be ready to have my own child until 35, but by then when my child's 15, i would be 50! :wtf:
 
#2
Well, I feel like I don't know how to date anymore either..Hopefully someone will come along and change all that~ :smile:

However, I do have a friend that thinks just like you, except she does not like children~~
She is sort of worried that she feels the way she does, but then again, she says she won't feel ready until "she's ready"??
 
#3
Well, I'm 29 too (and freaked out about that!) and the last few years have felt the whole 'too selfish to have kids' thing. I (and hubby) just felt like our lives were "ours" and so were too selfish for ourselves and not ready for kids.

We were married when I was 24 and he was 33 so we've had five years and are now getting more and more ready for kids. He even said last night that he's been thinking about it more an more.

Only you will know when it's right. Don't force it. You'll find the right guy when you least expect it (that's how it happened with us) and you'll find one who shares your priorities.

Hang in there! ;)
 
#4
Oh, I totally get what you mean! :yes: I'm almost reaching there too. I have not been in any actual relationships for quite a while now and kinda so used to being single. And yea, nowadays, I don't know how to date too. All my friends are currently in relationships that have been going on for years and plan on getting married in a year or two (if not already), and I can't even imagine myself having any thoughts that is remotely close to anything like marriage! It's not that I've given up on love or anything, I just can't imagine myself in those situation and they seem too far away when I'm actually not that young anymore. Lol... :P
 
#5
thank u girls for all your words and sharing your feelings.
i've been only in 1 relationship in my entire life and that is a long one, for 8 years!
i was onl dating different guys before that relationships.

LOL even my friend said that he's willing to take me for a date to learn all over again :roflmfao:

well, what comes around, comes around :P
 
#6
seahorseinstripes said:
and a child is a long way to go. thinkign about starting a new relationship but totally forgot how to LOL
and i nuts or what?
Click to expand...

You are not crazy. Is there someone you like? If not, do you want to wait for them to appear? There's nothing more depressing than learning to love someone or settling for someone. I'm a very easygoing gal who gets along well with anyone. I can see myself in a relationship with lots of people but I choose to wait for that one person who I fall madly in love with. (I'm a dumb romantic I know).

seahorseinstripes said:
people always suprised when they know my age, i look like a fresh graduate, i dress like teenagers, no signs of "stability" coming from my look except my handbags LOL
i work in a fun world where people always felt young.
Click to expand...

Bah! Who wants to be old and boring anyways? LOL. 29yo is still young. Now that people are living longer the barrier for reaching middle age has increased. I think it's 50 now. I was speaking to someone at work and she said even 40yo is considered young. At least you look the same as your level of maturity. I always dress older but I'm actually very immature so I get propositions from boring mature guys which I hate. Can we swap looks?

seahorseinstripes said:
but i'm starting to freaking out now.
i totally don't know how to date anymore, i can't imagine getting married yet or having a child, i'm too much enjoying my own life i think it would be selfish to have a child when i'm not ready.
i love children, i honestly do.
Click to expand...

Even if you don't love children there's nothing wrong with that. At least you know yourself well enough to understand what is right for you. Congrats on not being someone who pops out a kid to please others or conform to society only to neglect their child because they don't have the capacity to raise one or the desire to anyway!

Women point fingers at childless couples/singletons saying they are selfish. But you are correct, if you were to have a child out of obligation then you are the selfish one for putting your own status ahead of a child's happiness. If it makes you feel better I don't really have an interest in children at the moment (yes, chastize me) and I don't see it happening honestly. And since we're being honest here, I will put myself out on the limb and admit that the only possible motivation for me getting married and having a child is the thought of dying alone and not being remembered if I don't. Okay people, I'm prepared for the stones, throw them at will!

seahorseinstripes said:
i don't think i would be ready to have my own child until 35, but by then when my child's 15, i would be 50! :wtf:
Click to expand...

My mum had me when she was 30. My sister is now 15 and my mum is 51. People do things in different time frames. Some choose to spend their 20s studying, starting a family or working. Everyone is different. Are you getting pressure from parents to find a guy? Do what is right for you, this is your life hun, don't live it the way others want you to.
 
#8
Yep, I hear ya. I went for a few years I'll admit in my late 20s/early 30s where I really didn't date much. Most of my friends, meanwhile, were getting married and having kids at the same time and I thought wow good for them, but what's wrong with me??

I guess for me I just have faith that I have to make choices that work for me and no one else. I'm not going to have kids just for the sake of having kids.

Thankfully I have strong role models each way: friends with great families of their own and a few in their mid/late 40s who don't have kids and are still extremely happy.
 
#10
I think it's selfLESS to wait to have children until you're ready. It means that in the end, you'll be a happy mother with a happy child, instead of being unhappy to be a mother and transferring that to your child.

Women are judged so harshly on everything they do... I say screw it, your life is your own and live it the way YOU want to!
 
#11
hi, I just wanted to say that since being married for about 1 year (i'm going to be 29), I don't feel ready for a kid either although I do love kids...

so its definitely not an uncommon feeling...
 
#12
I'm in the exact same boat, only I'm 27 (28 in June). I'm sorry you're freaking out but you're not alone- in fact, reading that you and others are in this similar situation is a huge relief. Of course I wish it didn't have to be like this for any of us, but my parents had me when they were 34, and so it can work out. But I strongly believe that it's better to be alone than to wish you were.
 
#14
honestly nowadays, you don't have to be married to have a child. yes, it is nice but if you were really into being a mother (but didn't have a hubby) it could happen too. Today, theres just so many options out there. also 35 isnt old to have a kid. my SO's mom had him at like 35-36 ... she also didn't get married till like 32 and basically rushed into it (his words not mine). but i think you should just do whatever makes you happy and things will fall into place eventually :heart:

BTW maybe you can have like a backup hubby like in "Friends". i have about 3 haha but only my BF would i consider seriously.
 
#15
29 is very young. Go out and have some fun! It's fine that you don't feel the need to procreate just yet....listen to your instincts. There's a probably a reason why your gut is telling you to wait and not rush things! Believe me, life is wonderful with kids but it DOES become a lot more restrictive. Enjoy your freedom while ya can!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top
Back